A Prayer of Indifference
The Central Staff of Cross Point just finished reading the book “Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership” by Ruth Haley Barton. The whole book rocked my inner world as a Christ-follower, as a husband, as a father and as a leader. I have been out of vocational church leadership for almost four years. Having reentered this world a few months ago, I have to be honest and say that I have experienced leadership whiplash on more than one occasion the past few months.
One of the misconceptions I had for the first ten years in ministry was “To be a successful leader, I need to grow in my leadership knowledge and ability.” While I do think it is important for leaders to grow in their leadership ability, I don’t think it is most essential. One of the things I realized after I got out of ministry is that too often my gifting as a leader, far exceeded my character as a person. Can I just say that if this is you…and it probably describes most leaders in the church today…implosion isn’t a matter of “IF” it is a matter of “WHEN”. So my prayer the past 4 years and specifically the past three months is that God would grow my character and my integrity at a faster and more abundant rate than he grows my leadership.
One section of this book was really a new thought for me. She talks about the “prayer of indifference.” She says:
This is not the indifference we associate with apathy; rather, it is the prayer that we would be indifferent to everything but the will of God. Indifference in the discernment process means that I am indifferent to matters of ego, prestige, organizational politics, personal advantage, personal comfort or favor, or even my own pet project. As Danny Morris and Charles Olsen put it: “God’s will, nothing more, nothing less, nothing else.”
She concludes with this question“What needs to die in me in order for the will of God to come forth in and among us?” Wow. Far too often I am praying the prayer of difference. God use me to make a difference. God use me to speak to these people, to lead these people, to build the church. It was amazing this morning how willing God was to answer my prayer when I said “Jesus, what needs to die in me to make you more visible and me less visible?” My pride, my ego, my preferences, my agenda, my wants, my desires, my, my, my, my….
How much better would our lives function, our families function, our churches function if as leaders we said I am more concerned about my character than my giftedness. I am committed to God’s will, nothing more, nothing less, nothing else.
I hope to have the courage to continue to pray a prayer of indifference.
