Rules Without Relationship Equals Rebellion
I was asked by our family ministry at Cross Point to put together a short video for a parent meeting. The video needed to focus on what Trisha and I are learning as parents in recent days. One of the phrases that Trisha and I say to one another often is:
Rules without relationship, equals rebellion.
We have seen this principle be true over and over again in our lives, in the lives of students at churches we have served, and as we have raised our three boys. As we have entered into the teenage years with our oldest son Micah, this principle is on the front of our minds everyday. We have a vision and a plan for our son to follow Christ, to be a leader at school, to make wise decisions and to create positive peer pressure rather than giving into negative peer pressure.
What we know is that none of our kids drift to these choices…we have to lead them there. In order to lead them, we have to build a relationship with them. If all we do as parents is impart rules, create boundaries and tell them what they can’t do, rebellion isn’t a matter of IF, it is just a matter of WHEN.
Our main objective at this stage of our kids life has shifted from rule maker and rule enforcer to confidant and ally. We are not trying to be their friends, but we are trying to make a relational investment in them that allows there to be a wide open lane for them to come to us at any time with any problem, question or issue and find understanding not judgment, listening and not lectures.
We aren’t perfect and we don’t always get it right. But we are committed to investing in our kids in such a way that will give us credibility and influence when we have to enforce rules. By God’s grace, they will know in those moments that we are for them and the rules we have are for their well being and not just for us to be mean.
What are you learning as a parent these days?
4 Comments to “Rules Without Relationship Equals Rebellion”
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Awesome Justin. I just wrote a post on this EXACT topic on Monday but more about the God/Us rules and that its all just fluff without a relationship.
So true about our kids too.
Thanks so much Sarah…love your blog and your story of redemption! Keep sharing it for God to use!
Lead by example and pray with them about all these points daily. Great Post !
I guess looking back when I was that age I remember always having family time together. Sometimes it was just eating dinner around a table and looking at each other and wondering what eveyone's day was like. It was fun I enjoyed that time and the security it gave me that I knew that no matter what happened in my life, no matter how hard it got with school or my teachers that home would be a safe haven. A time of rest and just looking into each others eyes and seeing love behind those eyes is what made it special for me.