She made me move out as if I had been the one to do something wrong. She asked me to move back and stated that she was willing to work on our marriage. We celebrated our 24th wedding anniversary and 2 week after this she asked me to move out again. She filed for divorce which completly devestated me. I lost 50 lbs, had to rely on sleeping medication for sleep, was prescribed anti-depresents and even attempted suicide. Even with all of this, my wife telling me the divorce was not about another man, she was continuely involved in the affair. It wasn’t until I walked in on them in our bedroom that she couldn’t deny her involvement, lies and deception. I still do not know if she has told me the truth as the deception continued for 7 months. When she had filed for divorce she was going out to clubs and was communicating with males she would meet. I know God can restore my marriage but the trauma, lies and deception is at times to much. I know I have forgiven her, however, she really has never asked for forgivness. She also countinues to communicate with a female friend that helped her maintain the affair from me. I have protected her and have not disclosed her affair to her family and mine. She does not want any one to know. Please pray for comlete restoration of my marriage.

This is something that Justin and I just talked about. You are right #2 is NOT cut and dry. Sin is messy and even when you are on the right track in your relationships the consequences can still follow for years to come. I think you would find it helpful to read Cindy Beall"s Blog. You can find it at CindyBeall.com Her story is amazing and deals with the reality of having to be a part of a child's life that is not hers but from the women with whom her husband had an affair with.

I don't have all the answers and even as great as these steps are they are not a sure thing but they are a great place to start! You can go through each and every step but if ALL involved are not fully broken and willing to choose God first those relationships will continue to be difficult. Justin's sister is divorced and has a daughter with her first husband. She is remarried and had a another daughter. She and her husband have a very strong faith. Her ex-husband struggles in his faith but some how they have maintained a good relationship even through all the hurt. So much so that her ex-husband's wife works for her and they have a great relationship.

In some ways I envy where Cindy and my sister-in-law are at. Our story did not end that way. Although Justin and I restored our relationship, my relationship with my best friend has not been repaired even after reaching out. Again sin is messy.

What I have learned is that regardless of how people choose to respond to the hurt sin has caused I (me) always have the choice to choose God. Its not easy and sometimes its just down right painful but God has always been there! He has never left me! When things felt impossible He would whisper through His would that nothing is impossible for Him. When I have no more margin to forgive He gives me the margin I need. The list can go on and on.

I pray that in those very tough moments of fear (which I totally get) you will surrender them in prayer and ask God to examine your heart and give you wisdom. Seek wise counsel from those you trust to help you along the way. But in the end you will have to choose to believe that God will be enough no matter what happens. Although hard, there is such a freedom to love others in the security of knowing you are loved by HIM!