January 15, 2010 in Uncategorized with 16 Comments

Listen More, Speak Less

Fools think their own way is right,
but the wise listen to others. -Proverbs 12:15

We are in this 31 Day Challenge at our church, Cross Point. This verse really hit me hard as I read it the other day. I remember almost 8 years ago now when Trisha and I moved to Noblesville, Indiana to start Genesis Church. I was going to change the way church was done. I was convinced that no other church was doing church in the way it should be done…my way of doing church was right. I would meet with other local pastors and I’d hear their advice, I’d nod my head in agreement, all the while thinking “You just don’t get it. You have no idea how great the church we are going to launch is going to be!”

As I look back over the past 14 years of my marriage, the same pattern exists. I always thought I was right. I always had a plan. I was always trying to convince Trisha that we could pay this bill later so we could buy this now. We could trade in this car and roll the negative equity into the payment on our next one. We could refinance our house and take out some cash and because real estate is going up so much, we’ll make the money back in no time.

The majority of my adult life consisted of talking…convincing people how right I was…proving my point. When Trisha and I separated, I realized how wrong I had been in so many areas of my life. I wasn’t a good listener. I listened, but only so I could gather information to use in making my point even more. One of the ways God has transformed my heart and brought about radical change in my life is in giving me a desire to listen more, and speak less.

As I read through the comments from the post “What’s Destroying Your Marriage?” , I see a common theme…communication. So many couples who responded to the question say that communication is an issue. Maybe, for you, like me, communication is the symptom of a bigger issue, pride.

How could your relationships improve if you listened more and spoke less? Who do you need to listen to more often?

About Justin and Trisha:

All Posts by  |  Personal Blog  |  Twitter  |  Facebook  |  Share By Email
  • cshell

    Ding, Ding, Ding….P R I D E! you got it!

    Lord's been really dealing with me on several levels about just "shutting up". Great thoughts here.

  • cshell

    Ding, Ding, Ding….P R I D E! you got it!

    Lord's been really dealing with me on several levels about just "shutting up". Great thoughts here.

  • Pam

    I'm wondering if we did more praying and listening and talked less if relationships would take on a whole new dimension. You mentioned pride and it made me think of this verse:
    The pride( arrogance) of your heart has deceived you…Obadiah 1:3
    Something to think on for sure.

  • Pam

    I'm wondering if we did more praying and listening and talked less if relationships would take on a whole new dimension. You mentioned pride and it made me think of this verse:
    The pride( arrogance) of your heart has deceived you…Obadiah 1:3
    Something to think on for sure.

  • mommycub`

    I think you hit the nail on the head with the "pride" insight. I know it has played a major part in our struggles to communicate. Got the KIDS to memorize James 1:19. God has reminded ME of that verse many times. Wish I could actually think of it consistantly before talking, rather than after. :)

  • mommycub`

    I think you hit the nail on the head with the "pride" insight. I know it has played a major part in our struggles to communicate. Got the KIDS to memorize James 1:19. God has reminded ME of that verse many times. Wish I could actually think of it consistantly before talking, rather than after. :)

  • Anonymous

    Frankly, i think a lot of pastors feel their way of church is the only one. Our pastor disturbs me quite a bit with this attitude. He feels if the other ones aren't "doing it right" he can't even speak to them. I asked a friend her opinion & she responded, "When i hear my (grown) children fighting, my stomach sinks & a rock settles there. I imagine it is similar for God hearing his children (the churches) fighting it out."

    I thought you'd be very interested in this article, if you've not seen it before: http://www.theweek.com/article/index/99512/The_la…

    She got quite a lot of criticism in the comment section, but i think she was very brave (& loving) to carry this out.

  • http://kateekat.blogspot.com/ Kathryn

    Frankly, i think a lot of pastors feel their way of church is the only one. Our pastor disturbs me quite a bit with this attitude. He feels if the other ones aren't "doing it right" he can't even speak to them. I asked a friend her opinion & she responded, "When i hear my (grown) children fighting, my stomach sinks & a rock settles there. I imagine it is similar for God hearing his children (the churches) fighting it out."

    I thought you'd be very interested in this article, if you've not seen it before: http://www.theweek.com/article/index/99512/The_la…

    She got quite a lot of criticism in the comment section, but i think she was very brave (& loving) to carry this out.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/JasonWert JasonWert

    Every day I eat a giant slice of raspberry flavored Pride Pie. It takes like poo but I eat it and then curse myself for doing it. That's my biggest barrier to really listening to other people…when I think I know, I don't listen. When I know I don't know, I listen well. I just need to pretend that I don't know anything at any time!

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/JasonWert JasonWert

    Every day I eat a giant slice of raspberry flavored Pride Pie. It takes like poo but I eat it and then curse myself for doing it. That's my biggest barrier to really listening to other people…when I think I know, I don't listen. When I know I don't know, I listen well. I just need to pretend that I don't know anything at any time!

  • Pingback: Justin Davis

  • Pingback: Judy Duncan

  • http://douglasryoung.net/ Doug Young

    Listening more and talking less would sure give our spouses the indication that we are truly concerned about what they have to say. I am certain that my desire to interrupt and offer my opinions have suggested that I really don't care about my wife's thoughts and ideas. Shame on me.

  • http://douglasryoung.net Doug Young

    Listening more and talking less would sure give our spouses the indication that we are truly concerned about what they have to say. I am certain that my desire to interrupt and offer my opinions have suggested that I really don't care about my wife's thoughts and ideas. Shame on me.

  • Pingback: c.flemming :

  • Pingback: Charles Flemming