What Makes a Family Healthy?

Being honest when we are wrong.

I don't know that I can add anything new after 41 posts. Been thru 28+ years with an alcoholic who was using alcoholism to self-medicate as yet undiagnosed, rapid-cycling bi-polar disorder. The 1st eight years were tough. And no, I wasn't as full of grace as I should have been. He returned to the Lord after 8 years of marriage. Everything began to get better then. I however, resisted the Lord's nudging for another 5 years! After I came to Christ, WOW.

COMMITMENT !! Believe me, the urge to run, with my child, was totally there, but I'd made a commitment, as had he – and we honored it.
Communication, YES. (and we do still struggle as patterns were set in the beginning….)
Agree to disagree – PRIVATELY! Your children to NOT need to hear loud arguments or words said when angry. They can learn how to disagree and talk it out from you and your spouse only IF you MODEL IT FOR THEM!
Family time – even on long car trips, and there have been a LOT, all music, electronics, books, naps, etc. were put on hold every few hours to just connect with each other, even though we were all in the same car.
Our boys are out of the house now (and yes, I sometimes wish for the old days) and both the married-with-children son and the 20 year-old son have thanked us for the way we parented them. They will discuss ANYTHING and EVERYTHING with both of us and to me, that says we did ok.
We are truly enjoying our time alone together during this new chapter, as I'd always prayed we would. We LIKE just hanging out together alone!
Sorry this was so long.
Amy

Great post and insightful responses. We have strived to practice 1. a kind look, 2. an encouraging word and 3. a touch of love. every day. Also when we were fostering teens we always told them that we were glad to have them in our home every evening when they went to bed.

Eating dinner as a family at the table! It's a great chance to connect with the family and what's been going on in everyone's day.

Forgiving wrongs. I love my family, but they really don't forget the bad things we did, even as kids. They may bring it up in a joking manner, but you walk away feeling like they wanted to take that jab at you.

HONESTY HONESTY HONESTY! Kids are A LOT smarter than adults sometimes give them credit for, and tip toeing around big issues doesn't help anyone. If your marriage is having issues, chances are your kids already know

As a kid, I heard my parents fight all the time. At the time, I worried a lot about them getting a divorce… but they stayed married for over 40+ years before my dad passed away very unexpectedly last year. I know now, they loved each other through thick and thin. I just wish as a kid I could have understood better about fighting/communicating. I married right out of college and it's no surprise, I modeled a lot of the same fighting my parents did. But my marriage ended after 5 years. I was single again for 12+ years. During that time I gave my life to Jesus and made a vow that I would not marry unless I knew my life with be infinitely better with him than without. Just when I thought it would never happen, I met the love of my life. We've been married over 3 years and have a 6 month old son. Life has not been without it's difficulties and challenges. At times it has been so rough and I know we've both wondered if our marriage could survive… and the answer is… yes, as long as Christ is the center of it. Without Jesus, we would not make it.

So my answer to your question is… a healthy family must have the Lord at the center. It's the only way to combat the selfishness and sin nature we are born in to.

My husband and I pray together. We read the Bible together. I read scripture to my son and also pray with him. I want him to know that no matter what happens in life, Jesus loves him and accepts him unconditionally.

God bless you and your ministry Justin. You and Trish are inspirations to me!

-Listening
-Love, before and after mistakes
-Learning from mistakes
-Looking into a mirror and realizing you may be the problem, not always someone else. Then fixing it.

I just realized I could have one of those fill in the blank on your notes with all 4 starting with L

But, one final one is Prayer!

I am reading a book called " Treat me like a customer" by Louis Upkins Jr.
It talks about treating your family and loved ones like you would treat your most prized customer. Here are some of the nuggets I have gotten from it so far.
Know your customer!- know your family. What are their dreams, fears. What makes them excited and sad.
Communication-How do they communicate. What is there love language. How do they respond to instruction. What delivers the best response. What are your expectations what are your dreams. Have you shared them?Tell the ones you love that you love them. Show it and say it! Empower them.
Celebrate Your success- Celebrate the small things. The Lost tooth, perfect attendance,the affirmation from your boss, the returned sales call, the one pound weight loss, It is Tuesday.Show your family that everyday there is a reason to give thanks and praise. Make life enjoyable when you can.
Never give up and extend grace- Imagine the best in your family, in your spouse, look at them through the eyes of Christ. extend Grace when needed but affirm in love your expectations.

Having a foundation of faith is crucial for our relationship but this isn't something everyone has. I do believe however, that the Golden Rule is pretty universal. Basically, evoke knowledge, express love, empower dreams and extend grace! Oh and watch the tongue it can do a world of damage.

I listened to a sermon online by Joel Osteen on Unrealistic Expectations. I feel in my relationship with my ex husband I had very unrealistic expectations which lead to a unhealthy relationship with him. I think this can apply to our children also.