Comments on: What’s Destroying Your Marriage?

By: Tom

Tom — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 21:59:53 +0000

I meant to write ..It is never an option to divorce in God's plan for marriage….

By: Tom

Tom — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 21:58:37 +0000

2) Churches have failed to stand up for the covenant of marriage. The church is marrying persons to their 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc spouse. Where did God ever say you could marry someone else? Only after death of your spouse. I have been dissappointed by the lack of support that I was able to receive from local churches, when I was trying to save my marriage. Most only offered after divorce support groups. Never marriage intervention groups, or marriage support. Sure they have men's bible study, and women's bible study, but what about keeping a family together for bible study? Churches today are afraid of standing for what GOD says about marriage. It is never an option. No today we have a watered down faith, that wants to never step on toes. Instead the church will turn its head from this issue, and focus on tithing, and missions, yes lets save someone else while our church families are being broken as fast as Satan can get to them.

By: Tom

Tom — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 21:58:28 +0000

1) Putting your own wants and desires above all else. When your desire to seek your own pleasure and happiness becomes greater than your desire to please God, greater than your vow to your spouse, and greater than your love for your children, you will chose the wrong path everytime. Marriage is not about what we can get from someone else. Marriage is about becoming more holy not happy. But holyness does not have the immediate gratafication that pursueing your own happiness falsly promises.

By: Mom of 5

Mom of 5 — Sat, 23 Jan 2010 14:35:13 +0000

Communication, distrust, disrespect, finances. My marriage has been in a miserable state for the past few years. I have been very bitter and resentful. The final straw was my husbands confession of infidelity. Our marriage is over after 18 years and 5 kids.

I do not think the church was very helpful. We tried counseling through the church, but that didn't work, and there was no accountability. Further, a church leader actually told my husband NOT to tell me of the affair. What kind of marriage/intamacy can you expect when a spouse is hiding something of this signifigance from his spouse?

By: Kathryn

Kathryn — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 21:22:29 +0000

Thanks. When i said, "Please don't write me . . . " i wasn't speaking to you specifically! There are some folks who seem to need to do this. I've also read comments at articles & blogs that are fairly caustic to folks who have said "Adoption is not for us."

God has sincerely blessed us in our marriage relationship.

By: @tjw1970

@tjw1970 — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 15:41:44 +0000

In a word – me. Selfishness, anger, pride, shame. Sure, my wife isn't perfect and I feel that she shoulders some of the blame, but the bottom line to any relational problem with another person is a relational problem between myself and God. I know all the pat answers and solutions, but as one other commenter pointed out, KNOWING and DOING are two very different things. We've been married a long time, been to many marriage conferences and studied marriage several times in church, but what's getting in the head is missing the heart for both of us.

As far as the church, we haven't involved the church and aren't too inclined to do so. One thing I can point to is that the church hasn't traditionally done a great job in equipping men to be true men of God. The pastor of the church that I attend came to this conclusion over the last year and has made this a priority by working to build the men's ministry up. This is what's slowly opening my eyes and my heart to what changes need to occur IN me to make my marriage work.

I want to snap my fingers and make it all work, but I realize it's going to take a tremendous amount of time as well as trust in Jesus to effect the change that needs to be made. I also realize that in order for anything to change with her, my heart needs to change.

By: Alison

Alison — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 13:09:20 +0000

Alcohol was an issue in my marriage for 6 years. I found a Celebrate Recovery group (Biblical recovery program) and it helped me tremendously.

By: Justin and Trisha

Justin and Trisha — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 10:30:03 +0000

Kathryn….I don't feel like it is my place to write and tell you what you should or shouldn't do in the area of becoming a parent. I do know from having several friends that have struggled with that how it can weigh on each spouse and make the marriage tense. I am sorry that people in the church impose more problems on you than they help resolve.

By: Justin and Trisha

Justin and Trisha — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 03:44:19 +0000

anon…what helped me in my struggle with pornography was going to counseling and going back to the place in my life where sexuality was first broken. For me, that was being sexually abused as a child. Once I had admitted that, come to terms with it and sought help for it, the desire and the grip of pornography was replaced by the desire for true intimacy with my wife. I am not saying I have a magic pill or I have a formula for a 30 year addiction…I am saying that the addiction is the manifestation of something that is broken…if he is willing to dig into that, the desire for pornography may be less. Not sure if that helps or hurts, but it is what I’ve experienced.

By: Justin and Trisha

Justin and Trisha — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 03:23:02 +0000

@anon…wow! You have been through so much and hung in there for so long. I hope that your husband's shares the same commitment to you now that you have to him. Let me know if we can serve you in any way!