Benefits of Brokenness Part 1
Is it possible to live most of your life as a Christian and get it wrong? It was for me. For years, I said that I believed things about God, but lived my life as if I didn’t. I believed that God was in control, yet I acted like I was. I believed that God had the authority to guide my decisions, my finances, my marriage, my relationships…but so often in my life, I chose my way, spent my money, controlled my marriage, built my relationships. Here is what is wack…when things didn’t go the way that I thought they should go, I’d just work harder, try harder, expend more energy, do better at living exactly how I was living.
I think we are totally good to trust in Jesus for our eternity, we just don’t want to hear from him till until we get there. We know he has the power to save us, we just don’t really believe He’s better at leading our lives as we are. This way of living destroyed my life, my marriage, my ministry and almost cost me my relationship with God.
There is a better way…it is called brokenness. Brokenness is an act of surrender…it is giving up rather than just trying harder. Brokenness is a decision to lay everything on the line and then submit…to realize that your life is where it is now because of your leadership, your decisions, your strength, your self sufficiency…and God is your only hope.
I had to hit rock bottom before I allowed myself to experience brokenness, but you don’t have to…you can choose it. The Bible says that a broken and contrite heart, God will not deny. He longs to see us desire brokenness, as that is where his strength is made perfect.
What are the benefits of brokenness?
-You lose your need to control. When Trisha and I separated, I lost my ability to manipulate. She wasn’t going to be manipulated by me any more. I couldn’t manipulate and control what other people thought of me. I couldn’t control how she spent money, or what she bought at the grocery store. When we have a faulty trust in God, we don’t think he can control our lives as well as we can…so we manipulate. When you choose brokenness and surrender, you trust that God is in control and you submit to what He desires and what He chooses. There is freedom in living knowing He is in control.
-You lose your need to impress. When you choose brokenness, you lose your need to impress other people. You begin to live out of an identity that isn’t based on others’ opinion, their validation or their acceptance. I remember being so exhausted worrying about what everyone thought of clothes I wore, decisions I made, messages I gave. I wanted people to be impressed with the quality of my marriage and how great my kids looked and acted. It’s not that those things aren’t important…they just shouldn’t drive you. When you live only trying to impress God, you find a confidence and a freedom that you have tried to provide for yourself.
Maybe the issues you have in your marriage, or the issues you have with a friend or at work is more about you than it is about them. Maybe what you need to do most today is surrender, to give up. You are exhausted from trying harder, and there is a better way. It is a way that is more painful, more vulnerable, more transparent. But it is the way of Jesus, and when you choose to go His way, you find what only He can give.
Which do you struggle with most as you pursue God: Control or Impressing others?
21 Comments to “Benefits of Brokenness Part 1”
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Control. Another good post, Justin. Thanks.
Thanks so much Jason…I am a control freak as well!
For me it's definitely the need to impress. Brennan Manning's book Abba's Child has been an incredible prescription for what ails me. He says, "My false self staggers into each day with an insatiable appetite for affirmation."
"The imposter," he says, "bears a distinct resemblance to alcohol for the alcoholic. He is cunning, baffling, and powerful."
I LOVE that book…it changed both Trisha and I! If you haven't bought or read this book…it is a must read! Thank you for sharing!
Whoa. Alcohol for the alcoholic. yes… I am hearing that one.
My recent post Unrequited Love
I've read this post through three times now….dang. That is/was my life in a nutshell….
I feel like i have been brought to my knees, but definitely STILL struggle with my pride and desire to control…does that mean i'm really not broken? The battle in my mind says "this time you notice your struggle and actually care that it is there"
Am I making sense?
P.S. …Thank you for your posts Justin, but it really is getting to the point I may need to check our house for a "justincam"…it's scary!
I think identifying the problem is half the battle…but that means that there is 50% of work left to do
I'll let you know when I turn the camera on!
I really needed to hear this! I struggle with both…unfortunately. Ok {deep breathe} ready to choose brokenness.
Thank you for your honesty Melissa…praying for you today!
Definitely control for me. I used to feel the need to impress but I realized that what's the point, you impress one person and unimpress a handful of others at the same time.
Control, however, is much harder to give up. We're going through a point right now we're dealing with brokenness. We are in a situation that we realize there is nothing we can do to "work" out of it and we have to give up out control. It's scary but at the same time reassuring. I know I can mess things up easily. God doesn't seem to mess up very often.
Some of the best moments of my life have been in those times when there was nothing I could do to work out anything! Praying for you Tracy!
Justin
"I had to hit rock bottom before I allowed myself to experience brokenness, but you don’t have to…YOU CAN CHOOSE it. The Bible says that a broken and contrite heart, God will not deny. He longs to see us desire brokenness, as that is where his strength is made perfect."
I seriously think this is one of the most brilliant statements you have ever written! It is the heartbeat of our "list" and I am so thankful to truly understand what your statement really means!
I love you!
~ Trish
Thank you so much baby! I love you too!
I've gotten it wrong my entire life. But now, this is where I am. Thank God for his grace and mercy. Thanks for posting this, Justin. This was good for me to read today.
His grace is enough!
Not impressed with this…j/k. Great reminder! It's funny we trick ourselves into saying "If I could just see God do 'this' in my life I will finally have the faith I need to no longer doubt Him." Then, before you know it you are back to doubting again. Just reminds us that faith, trust, dependence is a daily practice.
I'm beginning to think that some of this is a result of "prosperity gospel" that has so infiltrated our thinking.
People don't want to accept a "no" answer from God.
I believe i have come to a place where God is requiring of me to give up a deep desire (not a sinful one) of my heart. I'm struggling with it. I mean, really struggling (poor me & all that). I've been asking for some time for people to pray that i willing take on this "burden" & give up this deep desire of mine.
The answer? Over & over i hear people tell me, "I'm continuing to pray that God will give you the desires of your heart." Hello? I need to accept my life as it is & give my will up & follow where God is leading me. I really don't need folks to encourage me to hang on to this. Hard enough as it is.
BTW, i thought about your response to my comment on witchcraft. I think you are right & my definition may not be biblical. I posted on this at http://4katekattoo.blogspot.com/2010/02/jumping-r... if you are interested.
I would say I struggle with both, although control is BIG for me…and really I am just so tired. I don't want to be in control anymore…I just keep screwing it up. So I'm trying…trying to, as you said,
"choose brokenness and surrender, you trust that God is in control and you submit to what He desires and what He chooses. There is freedom in living knowing He is in control."
I would say that I deal with both issues in my life. I want to say that I do not want to control…as long as everything is going my way. I would say that I don't care what people think until someone offends me. I honestly do desire brokenness, but I can not figure out how to get there. When I look at my life, I am a very broken person. I just can not figure out what to do in order to get where God wants me. My hearts desire is to be broken before God, so that He can restore my life to Him.
After I left my husband for what became an 18-month separation I gave up pretending (lying, faking) for people. I learned that I can't control my husband. Controlling behavior in women runs in my family and I have been letting it go. It is liberating! But I think I have gone too far and I have to reign it in a little with my kids. Some control is good, just not manipulative control over things that don't fall in our circle.
My recent post Unrequited Love
For me, it’s both control & impressing others.
Despite my saying, “Thy will be done”, I still want to have a hand in what’s going on in my life. This is hard thing for us guys, who the world has tricked us into thinking this is how we have to be.
I (try to) impress others by my wit, attempts at humor, or some “profound” thing in my life. I find that trying to impress is really covering up a lot of inadequacy in our lives.
Time to get broken…