February 22, 2010 in Uncategorized with 85 Comments

The Cheating Pastor

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I received a huge gift yesterday. I was given the opportunity to speak and wrap up our series at Cross Point, entitled “Pursuit”, and I spoke on Pursuing a Healthy Family. It was a great day, and I really felt like God showed up for our people. I was so thankful to have this opportunity…but that isn’t THE gift I am talking about.

After one of the services, a lady approached me in the lobby. I had never seen her before, but she looked at me like she knew me. Her first words to me were, “I need to ask for your forgiveness.” I haven’t had too many conversations with people that I have never met start like that, so I was a little taken back. She went on to say:

Every time you have been on stage, I have resented you. Every time you have been announced as the speaker for the day, I didn’t want to listen, and I was angry at you. You are the cheating pastor. You are the pastor that cheated on his wife, and I couldn’t get past it. My husband had an affair not too long ago, and left me. He wasn’t remorseful, he wasn’t sorry, and he told me I deserved it…and I held that against you. You were a cheater. I hope you can forgive me, and I have been so blessed by how God has used you to speak to my heart, and I am so glad you are a part of Crosspoint.

I could barley hold it together. This conversation didn’t HAVE to happen. She could have asked God for forgiveness, and never had this conversation with me. She didn’t owe me anything. I would have NEVER known the difference…but she would have. She chose to a path not many do…she chose the path of courageous confession. Through her courage and through her authenticity, a part of my heart was redeemed and a part of her heart was too.

Maybe there are relationships in your life that are functioning “just fine” without you seeking forgiveness. Maybe a person in your life has no idea that you are resentful of them or angry with them…but you know. You know that relationship isn’t what it could be and what God designed it to be, because you’re holding out, you’re withholding your heart, you’re not being courageous.

Can I encourage you to take some advice from this Cheating Pastor…not only will you set your own heart free with a courageous confession, you will set the person you are holding hostage free as well.

Who do you need to have a courageous conversation with today?

About Justin and Trisha:

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http://intensedebate.com/people/Lindsey_Nobles Lindsey_Nobles

This brought tears to my eyes. Justin, so glad you and Trish are at CrossPoint. Thank you for allowing God to use your brokenness to encourage others to be real and seek help.

http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

Thank you so much Lindsey! It brought tears to my eyes to! We value your friendship so much!

http://intensedebate.com/people/Lindsey_Nobles Lindsey_Nobles

This brought tears to my eyes. Justin, so glad you and Trish are at CrossPoint. Thank you for allowing God to use your brokenness to encourage others to be real and seek help.

http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

Thank you so much Lindsey! It brought tears to my eyes to! We value your friendship so much!

http://jermination.wordpress.com/ Jermtech

WOW…unbelievable. A Kodak moment of how God's grace and compassion works. For you and for her.

http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

It is amazing how much grace and compassion are tied to one another. a moment I will never forget.

http://jermination.wordpress.com Jermtech

WOW…unbelievable. A Kodak moment of how God's grace and compassion works. For you and for her.

http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

It is amazing how much grace and compassion are tied to one another. a moment I will never forget.

http://twitter.com/LeeBuford @LeeBuford

Thanks for sharing! I hope many will read this and be inspired to confront such inner feelings with "courageous confession." We all should…it's essential to true authenticity!

http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

Authenticity is easy to talk about and easy to define from the stage…it is so difficult to live out…but unmistakable when you see it lived out. It was live and in person on Sunday!

http://twitter.com/LeeBuford @LeeBuford

Thanks for sharing! I hope many will read this and be inspired to confront such inner feelings with "courageous confession." We all should…it's essential to true authenticity!

http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

Authenticity is easy to talk about and easy to define from the stage…it is so difficult to live out…but unmistakable when you see it lived out. It was live and in person on Sunday!

http://www.vickydublu.wordpress.com/ Vicky

WOW! i almost didn't read this post. just the title was kinda painful to read. but i'm glad i read it. this is my prayer for our church. they are hurt so bad right now. but i am praying God could use this to make us better individuals and a better church. i want God to get the glory through this mess. i pray that we can all have this courageous forgiveness.
i'm so thankful you received this precious gift. God is blessing you for your obedience to Him. what an amazing encounter for you and for her! what a wonderful woman!

http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

Thank you Vicky! We continue to pray for you guys! God loves you and is fighting for you more than you know! Please let us know if we can do anything for you.

http://www.vickydublu.wordpress.com Vicky

WOW! i almost didn't read this post. just the title was kinda painful to read. but i'm glad i read it. this is my prayer for our church. they are hurt so bad right now. but i am praying God could use this to make us better individuals and a better church. i want God to get the glory through this mess. i pray that we can all have this courageous forgiveness.
i'm so thankful you received this precious gift. God is blessing you for your obedience to Him. what an amazing encounter for you and for her! what a wonderful woman!

http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

Thank you Vicky! We continue to pray for you guys! God loves you and is fighting for you more than you know! Please let us know if we can do anything for you.

http://intensedebate.com/people/JasonWert JasonWert

What a fantastic picture of forgiveness. I second Lindsey's happiness you're here.

Your post is also a good example of what a lot of us who've had some kind of "major sin" experience on an almost daily basis. People who really don't know us decide we're not worth it because of a mistake in our past. Scarlet letters in churches still are in fashion for many.

http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

Jason…Most of the time when I feel labeled by someone or branded by someone, I recognize that they are broken or they have been hurt by someone in the past. While I have had it happen to me, it has been easier to navigate once I realized that I am them…I judge, I label, I categorize people and then I cry foul when it happens to me. We all need grace, and I want to extend it even to those who refuse to extend it to me.

http://intensedebate.com/people/JasonWert JasonWert

What a fantastic picture of forgiveness. I second Lindsey's happiness you're here.

Your post is also a good example of what a lot of us who've had some kind of "major sin" experience on an almost daily basis. People who really don't know us decide we're not worth it because of a mistake in our past. Scarlet letters in churches still are in fashion for many.

http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

Jason…Most of the time when I feel labeled by someone or branded by someone, I recognize that they are broken or they have been hurt by someone in the past. While I have had it happen to me, it has been easier to navigate once I realized that I am them…I judge, I label, I categorize people and then I cry foul when it happens to me. We all need grace, and I want to extend it even to those who refuse to extend it to me.

http://twitter.com/stevenlowry @stevenlowry

How amazing! What a story. Thanks for sharing that! Jerm nailed that on the head. Kodak moment for God's grace. I don't know how you stayed composed! Pray that God continues to bless you and those influenced by you and your family!

http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

Thank you so much Steven!

http://twitter.com/stevenlowry @stevenlowry

How amazing! What a story. Thanks for sharing that! Jerm nailed that on the head. Kodak moment for God's grace. I don't know how you stayed composed! Pray that God continues to bless you and those influenced by you and your family!

http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

Thank you so much Steven!

http://brenthodge.com/ brent(inWorship)

Amazing! So grateful for her grace. It is an example fo all of us!

http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

Amen!

http://brenthodge.com brent(inWorship)

Amazing! So grateful for her grace. It is an example fo all of us!

http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

Amen!

Kerry

You know who she was Justin? She was the prodigal son's brother…up until the morning of her conversation with you. We are all sometimes the prodigal who needs grace and sometimes the brother who resents the absolute scandal that is grace. We are offended that someone should be pardoned for their mistakes, and we are secretly terrified that we would not be given the same grace for our mistakes. But she was able to overcome what the prodigal's brother wasn't, and she decided that she could be a part of the party that God is throwing over the lives you and Trisha are choosing now. Her decision is worthy of celebration in and of itself. And how appropriate that she gave you a gift when she decided to join the celebration.

http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

KC…your comment brought tears to my eyes. How true is that! Wow, that was so beautifully said and such a sacred message. Thank you!

Kerry

You know who she was Justin? She was the prodigal son's brother…up until the morning of her conversation with you. We are all sometimes the prodigal who needs grace and sometimes the brother who resents the absolute scandal that is grace. We are offended that someone should be pardoned for their mistakes, and we are secretly terrified that we would not be given the same grace for our mistakes. But she was able to overcome what the prodigal's brother wasn't, and she decided that she could be a part of the party that God is throwing over the lives you and Trisha are choosing now. Her decision is worthy of celebration in and of itself. And how appropriate that she gave you a gift when she decided to join the celebration.

http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

KC…your comment brought tears to my eyes. How true is that! Wow, that was so beautifully said and such a sacred message. Thank you!

Rainer

This is awesome Justin! Thanks so much for sharing this. How can we read this and not clearly see the hand of God moving? I pray that this woman can continue to let God work through her and extend that same grace to her ex-husband, even though from the world's perspective he seems unworthy of it. It is that grace that can change hearts and move us to turn away from our sin.

http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

It is the power of grace…grace received and grace extended!

Rainer

This is awesome Justin! Thanks so much for sharing this. How can we read this and not clearly see the hand of God moving? I pray that this woman can continue to let God work through her and extend that same grace to her ex-husband, even though from the world's perspective he seems unworthy of it. It is that grace that can change hearts and move us to turn away from our sin.

http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

It is the power of grace…grace received and grace extended!

ash

so beautiful! i love our community, and am so glad you guys are a part of it!

http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

So very beautiful!

ash

so beautiful! i love our community, and am so glad you guys are a part of it!

http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

So very beautiful!

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kristi o

I wish i could have been there. I needed to hear this. I haven't resented you or thought of you as "the cheating pastor" I came to your story after the restoration had begun, who would I be to condemn…. but my pastor had an affair and it came out this summer. I had grown up on their living room, floor, in their personal life group, travelled with he and his family on mission trips, his wife was one of my closest friends, he married my husband and I, my children loved them and he cheated. I was wrecked. I see how that I need to forgive, I have said I love them and want God's best and restoration but I need to forgive….. thanks for sharing.

http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

Wow…thanks for Sharing Kristi…I know how many people I hurt and I let down with my poor decisions…and it has been such a gift to receive forgiveness from some of those people. It wasn't something I deserved, and that is why it is called grace.

kristi o

I wish i could have been there. I needed to hear this. I haven't resented you or thought of you as "the cheating pastor" I came to your story after the restoration had begun, who would I be to condemn…. but my pastor had an affair and it came out this summer. I had grown up on their living room, floor, in their personal life group, travelled with he and his family on mission trips, his wife was one of my closest friends, he married my husband and I, my children loved them and he cheated. I was wrecked. I see how that I need to forgive, I have said I love them and want God's best and restoration but I need to forgive….. thanks for sharing.

http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

Wow…thanks for Sharing Kristi…I know how many people I hurt and I let down with my poor decisions…and it has been such a gift to receive forgiveness from some of those people. It wasn't something I deserved, and that is why it is called grace.

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http://www.beautifulvisionofyou.blogspot.com/ Susie A.

Loved the post….her courage is awe-inspiring. I also have to say that yesterday's sermon was GREAT! I think it was it ranks as one of my top 10 sermons that I have heard…and I am sure I will be reflecting on this one for quite awhile.

Susie A.

http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

Susie…thank you so much for your encouragement! It was one that I felt like God gave me to share and I just wanted to be faithful to do that! Thank you again!

http://www.beautifulvisionofyou.blogspot.com Susie A.

Loved the post….her courage is awe-inspiring. I also have to say that yesterday's sermon was GREAT! I think it was it ranks as one of my top 10 sermons that I have heard…and I am sure I will be reflecting on this one for quite awhile.

Susie A.

http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

Susie…thank you so much for your encouragement! It was one that I felt like God gave me to share and I just wanted to be faithful to do that! Thank you again!

http://cmludwick.blogspot.com/ Christina

and THAT is what church is all about! Honestly, I am so so thankful for our community and how saturated in honesty it is. My grandfather cheated (he's rather un-remorseful though) and it has really strained everyone's love and respect for the head of our family. Honesty and speaking the truth is a work in progress in my family… forgiveness is a hard, painful process but it is so so worth it!

http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

So true!

http://cmludwick.blogspot.com Christina

and THAT is what church is all about! Honestly, I am so so thankful for our community and how saturated in honesty it is. My grandfather cheated (he's rather un-remorseful though) and it has really strained everyone's love and respect for the head of our family. Honesty and speaking the truth is a work in progress in my family… forgiveness is a hard, painful process but it is so so worth it!

http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

So true!

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paulaswift

That's just so freakin' cool!

http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

YES it is!

paulaswift

That's just so freakin' cool!

http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

YES it is!

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http://kassota.wordpress.com/ tam

wow. nothing but tears here, justin.

im just so grateful that she came to you. what courage that took.

so beautiful.

http://www.refineus.org/ Justin and Trisha

Pure courage! Such a beautiful thing!

http://kassota.wordpress.com tam

wow. nothing but tears here, justin.

im just so grateful that she came to you. what courage that took.

so beautiful.

http://www.refineus.org Justin and Trisha

Pure courage! Such a beautiful thing!

http://Www.divine-collisions.blogspot.com/ Grace

Wow that is so amazing!
http://Www.divine-collisions.blogspot.com Grace

Wow that is so amazing!
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Pam

Thanks for sharing your story Justin. Gods grace is amazing and I am so thankful for it!

http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

Thank you Pam!

Pam

Thanks for sharing your story Justin. Gods grace is amazing and I am so thankful for it!

http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

Thank you Pam!

Amber

Hi Justin… I was just able to listen to your sermon from Sunday. What you mentioned about your parents… and most importanlty about your father – I am struggling with something similar and I have some questions about that…and how you handle that. I am in need of some guidance in this area. Would you and Trisha contact me via email to discuss?

Thank you both!

http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

Amber…please feel free to send an email to refineus@gmail.com, and we would love to discuss this with you.

Amber

Hi Justin… I was just able to listen to your sermon from Sunday. What you mentioned about your parents… and most importanlty about your father – I am struggling with something similar and I have some questions about that…and how you handle that. I am in need of some guidance in this area. Would you and Trisha contact me via email to discuss?

Thank you both!

http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

Amber…please feel free to send an email to refineus@gmail.com, and we would love to discuss this with you.

http://intensedebate.com/profiles/patlayton patlayton

My goodness, Justin and Trisha, I happened upon your blog tonight via Twitter..I think..What an amazing testimony and blessing this was to find. I feel the sweetness of God just reading your words. His goodness constantly brings me to my knees. Thank you for the reminders of WHO HE IS verses what we WERE, or would BE without Him.
Stay the course, you have so much to share.
Pat Layton

http://www.refineus.org Justin and Trisha

Thank you so much! It is totally a testimony to God’s redemptive and saving power!

http://intensedebate.com/profiles/patlayton patlayton

My goodness, Justin and Trisha, I happened upon your blog tonight via Twitter..I think..What an amazing testimony and blessing this was to find. I feel the sweetness of God just reading your words. His goodness constantly brings me to my knees. Thank you for the reminders of WHO HE IS verses what we WERE, or would BE without Him.
Stay the course, you have so much to share.
Pat Layton

http://www.refineus.org Justin and Trisha

Thank you so much! It is totally a testimony to God’s redemptive and saving power!

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