The Cheating Pastor

I received a huge gift yesterday. I was given the opportunity to speak and wrap up our series at Cross Point, entitled “Pursuit”, and I spoke on Pursuing a Healthy Family. It was a great day, and I really felt like God showed up for our people. I was so thankful to have this opportunity…but that isn’t THE gift I am talking about.

After one of the services, a lady approached me in the lobby. I had never seen her before, but she looked at me like she knew me. Her first words to me were, “I need to ask for your forgiveness.”  I haven’t had too many conversations with people that I have never met start like that, so I was a little taken back. She went on to say:

Every time you have been on stage, I have resented you. Every time you have been announced as the speaker for the day, I didn’t want to listen, and I was angry at you. You are the cheating pastor. You are the pastor that cheated on his wife, and I couldn’t get past it. My husband had an affair not too long ago, and left me. He wasn’t remorseful, he wasn’t sorry, and he told me I deserved it…and I held that against you. You were a cheater. I hope you can forgive me, and I have been so blessed by how God has used you to speak to my heart, and I am so glad you are a part of Crosspoint.

I could barley hold it together. This conversation didn’t HAVE to happen. She could have asked God for forgiveness, and never had this conversation with me. She didn’t owe me anything. I would have NEVER known the difference…but she would have. She chose to a path not many do…she chose the path of courageous confession. Through her courage and through her authenticity, a part of my heart was redeemed and a part of her heart was too.

Maybe there are relationships in your life that are functioning “just fine” without you seeking forgiveness. Maybe a person in your life has no idea that you are resentful of them or angry with them…but you know. You know that relationship isn’t what it could be and what God designed it to be, because you’re holding out, you’re withholding your heart, you’re not being courageous.

Can I encourage you to take some advice from this Cheating Pastor…not only will you set your own heart free with a courageous confession, you will set the person you are holding hostage free as well.

Who do you need to have a courageous conversation with today?

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/Lindsey_Nobles Lindsey_Nobles

    This brought tears to my eyes. Justin, so glad you and Trish are at CrossPoint. Thank you for allowing God to use your brokenness to encourage others to be real and seek help.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/Lindsey_Nobles Lindsey_Nobles

    This brought tears to my eyes. Justin, so glad you and Trish are at CrossPoint. Thank you for allowing God to use your brokenness to encourage others to be real and seek help.

  • http://jermination.wordpress.com/ Jermtech

    WOW…unbelievable. A Kodak moment of how God's grace and compassion works. For you and for her.

  • http://jermination.wordpress.com Jermtech

    WOW…unbelievable. A Kodak moment of how God's grace and compassion works. For you and for her.

  • http://twitter.com/LeeBuford @LeeBuford

    Thanks for sharing! I hope many will read this and be inspired to confront such inner feelings with "courageous confession." We all should…it's essential to true authenticity!

  • http://twitter.com/LeeBuford @LeeBuford

    Thanks for sharing! I hope many will read this and be inspired to confront such inner feelings with "courageous confession." We all should…it's essential to true authenticity!

  • http://www.vickydublu.wordpress.com/ Vicky

    WOW! i almost didn't read this post. just the title was kinda painful to read. but i'm glad i read it. this is my prayer for our church. they are hurt so bad right now. but i am praying God could use this to make us better individuals and a better church. i want God to get the glory through this mess. i pray that we can all have this courageous forgiveness.
    i'm so thankful you received this precious gift. God is blessing you for your obedience to Him. what an amazing encounter for you and for her! what a wonderful woman!

  • http://www.vickydublu.wordpress.com Vicky

    WOW! i almost didn't read this post. just the title was kinda painful to read. but i'm glad i read it. this is my prayer for our church. they are hurt so bad right now. but i am praying God could use this to make us better individuals and a better church. i want God to get the glory through this mess. i pray that we can all have this courageous forgiveness.
    i'm so thankful you received this precious gift. God is blessing you for your obedience to Him. what an amazing encounter for you and for her! what a wonderful woman!

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/JasonWert JasonWert

    What a fantastic picture of forgiveness. I second Lindsey's happiness you're here.

    Your post is also a good example of what a lot of us who've had some kind of "major sin" experience on an almost daily basis. People who really don't know us decide we're not worth it because of a mistake in our past. Scarlet letters in churches still are in fashion for many.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/JasonWert JasonWert

    What a fantastic picture of forgiveness. I second Lindsey's happiness you're here.

    Your post is also a good example of what a lot of us who've had some kind of "major sin" experience on an almost daily basis. People who really don't know us decide we're not worth it because of a mistake in our past. Scarlet letters in churches still are in fashion for many.

  • http://twitter.com/stevenlowry @stevenlowry

    How amazing! What a story. Thanks for sharing that! Jerm nailed that on the head. Kodak moment for God's grace. I don't know how you stayed composed! Pray that God continues to bless you and those influenced by you and your family!

  • http://twitter.com/stevenlowry @stevenlowry

    How amazing! What a story. Thanks for sharing that! Jerm nailed that on the head. Kodak moment for God's grace. I don't know how you stayed composed! Pray that God continues to bless you and those influenced by you and your family!

  • http://brenthodge.com/ brent(inWorship)

    Amazing! So grateful for her grace. It is an example fo all of us!

  • http://brenthodge.com brent(inWorship)

    Amazing! So grateful for her grace. It is an example fo all of us!

  • Kerry

    You know who she was Justin? She was the prodigal son's brother…up until the morning of her conversation with you. We are all sometimes the prodigal who needs grace and sometimes the brother who resents the absolute scandal that is grace. We are offended that someone should be pardoned for their mistakes, and we are secretly terrified that we would not be given the same grace for our mistakes. But she was able to overcome what the prodigal's brother wasn't, and she decided that she could be a part of the party that God is throwing over the lives you and Trisha are choosing now. Her decision is worthy of celebration in and of itself. And how appropriate that she gave you a gift when she decided to join the celebration.

  • Kerry

    You know who she was Justin? She was the prodigal son's brother…up until the morning of her conversation with you. We are all sometimes the prodigal who needs grace and sometimes the brother who resents the absolute scandal that is grace. We are offended that someone should be pardoned for their mistakes, and we are secretly terrified that we would not be given the same grace for our mistakes. But she was able to overcome what the prodigal's brother wasn't, and she decided that she could be a part of the party that God is throwing over the lives you and Trisha are choosing now. Her decision is worthy of celebration in and of itself. And how appropriate that she gave you a gift when she decided to join the celebration.

  • Rainer

    This is awesome Justin! Thanks so much for sharing this. How can we read this and not clearly see the hand of God moving? I pray that this woman can continue to let God work through her and extend that same grace to her ex-husband, even though from the world's perspective he seems unworthy of it. It is that grace that can change hearts and move us to turn away from our sin.

  • Rainer

    This is awesome Justin! Thanks so much for sharing this. How can we read this and not clearly see the hand of God moving? I pray that this woman can continue to let God work through her and extend that same grace to her ex-husband, even though from the world's perspective he seems unworthy of it. It is that grace that can change hearts and move us to turn away from our sin.

  • ash

    so beautiful! i love our community, and am so glad you guys are a part of it!

  • ash

    so beautiful! i love our community, and am so glad you guys are a part of it!

  • http://twitter.com/leebuford/status/9480253974 Lee Buford

    RT @lnobles: RT @justindavis33: The Cheating Pastor http://goo.gl/fb/kl9b //You should read this & get to know Justin & Trish!

  • kristi o

    I wish i could have been there. I needed to hear this. I haven't resented you or thought of you as "the cheating pastor" I came to your story after the restoration had begun, who would I be to condemn…. but my pastor had an affair and it came out this summer. I had grown up on their living room, floor, in their personal life group, travelled with he and his family on mission trips, his wife was one of my closest friends, he married my husband and I, my children loved them and he cheated. I was wrecked. I see how that I need to forgive, I have said I love them and want God's best and restoration but I need to forgive….. thanks for sharing.

  • kristi o

    I wish i could have been there. I needed to hear this. I haven't resented you or thought of you as "the cheating pastor" I came to your story after the restoration had begun, who would I be to condemn…. but my pastor had an affair and it came out this summer. I had grown up on their living room, floor, in their personal life group, travelled with he and his family on mission trips, his wife was one of my closest friends, he married my husband and I, my children loved them and he cheated. I was wrecked. I see how that I need to forgive, I have said I love them and want God's best and restoration but I need to forgive….. thanks for sharing.

  • http://twitter.com/jasonwerttn/status/9484934100 Jason Wert

    A top notch post today from @justindavis33: http://bit.ly/byUsBq

  • http://www.beautifulvisionofyou.blogspot.com/ Susie A.

    Loved the post….her courage is awe-inspiring. I also have to say that yesterday's sermon was GREAT! I think it was it ranks as one of my top 10 sermons that I have heard…and I am sure I will be reflecting on this one for quite awhile.

    Susie A.

  • http://www.beautifulvisionofyou.blogspot.com Susie A.

    Loved the post….her courage is awe-inspiring. I also have to say that yesterday's sermon was GREAT! I think it was it ranks as one of my top 10 sermons that I have heard…and I am sure I will be reflecting on this one for quite awhile.

    Susie A.

  • http://cmludwick.blogspot.com/ Christina

    and THAT is what church is all about! Honestly, I am so so thankful for our community and how saturated in honesty it is. My grandfather cheated (he's rather un-remorseful though) and it has really strained everyone's love and respect for the head of our family. Honesty and speaking the truth is a work in progress in my family… forgiveness is a hard, painful process but it is so so worth it!

  • http://cmludwick.blogspot.com Christina

    and THAT is what church is all about! Honestly, I am so so thankful for our community and how saturated in honesty it is. My grandfather cheated (he's rather un-remorseful though) and it has really strained everyone's love and respect for the head of our family. Honesty and speaking the truth is a work in progress in my family… forgiveness is a hard, painful process but it is so so worth it!

  • http://twitter.com/justindavis33/status/9488853201 Justin Davis

    The gift of courageous confession! http://bit.ly/dd8Fjs #fb

  • http://twitter.com/dtotheweed/status/9489553705 derek weed

    RT @justindavis33: The gift of courageous confession! http://bit.ly/dd8Fjs #fb

  • paulaswift

    That's just so freakin' cool!

  • paulaswift

    That's just so freakin' cool!

  • http://twitter.com/lightchild/status/9491558224 Grant Jenkins

    RT @justindavis33 The Cheating Pastor http://goo.gl/fb/kl9b <– POWERFUL stuff!

  • http://twitter.com/meganashley760/status/9491682032 Megan-Ashley Davis

    RT @lightchild: RT @justindavis33 The Cheating Pastor http://goo.gl/fb/kl9b <– POWERFUL stuff!

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

    Thank you so much Lindsey! It brought tears to my eyes to! We value your friendship so much!

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

    Thank you so much Lindsey! It brought tears to my eyes to! We value your friendship so much!

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

    It is amazing how much grace and compassion are tied to one another. a moment I will never forget.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

    It is amazing how much grace and compassion are tied to one another. a moment I will never forget.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

    Authenticity is easy to talk about and easy to define from the stage…it is so difficult to live out…but unmistakable when you see it lived out. It was live and in person on Sunday!

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

    Authenticity is easy to talk about and easy to define from the stage…it is so difficult to live out…but unmistakable when you see it lived out. It was live and in person on Sunday!

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

    Thank you Vicky! We continue to pray for you guys! God loves you and is fighting for you more than you know! Please let us know if we can do anything for you.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

    Thank you Vicky! We continue to pray for you guys! God loves you and is fighting for you more than you know! Please let us know if we can do anything for you.

  • http://twitter.com/mylifebyfaith/status/9494478636 Lisa

    RT @justindavis33: The gift of courageous confession! http://bit.ly/dd8Fjs #fb

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

    Wow…thanks for Sharing Kristi…I know how many people I hurt and I let down with my poor decisions…and it has been such a gift to receive forgiveness from some of those people. It wasn't something I deserved, and that is why it is called grace.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

    Wow…thanks for Sharing Kristi…I know how many people I hurt and I let down with my poor decisions…and it has been such a gift to receive forgiveness from some of those people. It wasn't something I deserved, and that is why it is called grace.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

    Thank you so much Steven!

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

    Jason…Most of the time when I feel labeled by someone or branded by someone, I recognize that they are broken or they have been hurt by someone in the past. While I have had it happen to me, it has been easier to navigate once I realized that I am them…I judge, I label, I categorize people and then I cry foul when it happens to me. We all need grace, and I want to extend it even to those who refuse to extend it to me.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

    Jason…Most of the time when I feel labeled by someone or branded by someone, I recognize that they are broken or they have been hurt by someone in the past. While I have had it happen to me, it has been easier to navigate once I realized that I am them…I judge, I label, I categorize people and then I cry foul when it happens to me. We all need grace, and I want to extend it even to those who refuse to extend it to me.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

    Thank you so much Steven!

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

    Amen!

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

    Amen!

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

    It is the power of grace…grace received and grace extended!

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

    KC…your comment brought tears to my eyes. How true is that! Wow, that was so beautifully said and such a sacred message. Thank you!

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

    KC…your comment brought tears to my eyes. How true is that! Wow, that was so beautifully said and such a sacred message. Thank you!

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

    It is the power of grace…grace received and grace extended!

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

    Susie…thank you so much for your encouragement! It was one that I felt like God gave me to share and I just wanted to be faithful to do that! Thank you again!

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

    Susie…thank you so much for your encouragement! It was one that I felt like God gave me to share and I just wanted to be faithful to do that! Thank you again!

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

    So true!

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

    So true!

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

    YES it is!

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

    YES it is!

  • http://twitter.com/trishadavis23/status/9495326689 trishadavis23

    RT @justindavis33: The gift of courageous confession! http://bit.ly/dd8Fjs #fb // Humbled & Thankful for this story of confession!

  • http://kassota.wordpress.com/ tam

    wow. nothing but tears here, justin.

    im just so grateful that she came to you. what courage that took.

    so beautiful.

  • http://kassota.wordpress.com tam

    wow. nothing but tears here, justin.

    im just so grateful that she came to you. what courage that took.

    so beautiful.

  • http://Www.divine-collisions.blogspot.com/ Grace

    Wow that is so amazing!

  • http://Www.divine-collisions.blogspot.com Grace

    Wow that is so amazing!

  • http://twitter.com/justindavis33/status/9502749548 Justin Davis

    I was blown away yesterday by the power of confession! http://bit.ly/dd8Fjs

  • http://twitter.com/shaversrazor/status/9509050033 Aaron Shaver

    RT @justindavis33 I was blown away yesterday by the power of confession! http://bit.ly/dd8Fjs

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

    So very beautiful!

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

    So very beautiful!

  • Pam

    Thanks for sharing your story Justin. Gods grace is amazing and I am so thankful for it!

  • Pam

    Thanks for sharing your story Justin. Gods grace is amazing and I am so thankful for it!

  • http://www.refineus.org/ Justin and Trisha

    Pure courage! Such a beautiful thing!

  • http://www.refineus.org Justin and Trisha

    Pure courage! Such a beautiful thing!

  • Amber

    Hi Justin… I was just able to listen to your sermon from Sunday. What you mentioned about your parents… and most importanlty about your father – I am struggling with something similar and I have some questions about that…and how you handle that. I am in need of some guidance in this area. Would you and Trisha contact me via email to discuss?

    Thank you both!

  • Amber

    Hi Justin… I was just able to listen to your sermon from Sunday. What you mentioned about your parents… and most importanlty about your father – I am struggling with something similar and I have some questions about that…and how you handle that. I am in need of some guidance in this area. Would you and Trisha contact me via email to discuss?

    Thank you both!

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

    Thank you Pam!

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

    Thank you Pam!

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

    Amber…please feel free to send an email to refineus@gmail.com, and we would love to discuss this with you.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

    Amber…please feel free to send an email to refineus@gmail.com, and we would love to discuss this with you.

  • http://intensedebate.com/profiles/patlayton patlayton

    My goodness, Justin and Trisha, I happened upon your blog tonight via Twitter..I think..What an amazing testimony and blessing this was to find. I feel the sweetness of God just reading your words. His goodness constantly brings me to my knees. Thank you for the reminders of WHO HE IS verses what we WERE, or would BE without Him.
    Stay the course, you have so much to share.
    Pat Layton

  • http://intensedebate.com/profiles/patlayton patlayton

    My goodness, Justin and Trisha, I happened upon your blog tonight via Twitter..I think..What an amazing testimony and blessing this was to find. I feel the sweetness of God just reading your words. His goodness constantly brings me to my knees. Thank you for the reminders of WHO HE IS verses what we WERE, or would BE without Him.
    Stay the course, you have so much to share.
    Pat Layton

  • http://www.refineus.org Justin and Trisha

    Thank you so much! It is totally a testimony to God’s redemptive and saving power!

  • http://www.refineus.org Justin and Trisha

    Thank you so much! It is totally a testimony to God’s redemptive and saving power!

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