The Slippery Slope of Rationalizing
A few weeks ago I was talking to a pastor who was minutes away from confessing to his wife his extra-marital affair. At one point in our conversation, I asked him “So were you planning on leaving your wife and pursing a long term relationship with this other woman?” His response surprised me in some ways, but didn’t surprise me in others. He said “I’ve thought about that possibility, but I don’t think I could go through with it because she isn’t a Christian.” Huh? What I heard him say was ‘Yea, I have convinced myself that cheating on my wife is okay, but I am such a moral person, I wouldn’t consider marrying a non-Christian.’ You see that is the power of rationalization.
Rationalizing is a slippery slope, and it doesn’t kill us all at once, it kills us an inch at a time. A small compromise here, a justification there, and little by little the convictions you once had fade away. Maybe you aren’t justifying an affair…but you are on the slippery slope of rationalizing other choices:
-withholding truth: You have accountability partners, and you have people with whom you are “doing life” and you have a spouse that you say you could tell anything to…but deep inside, you are withholding truth. Accountability is only as good as our willingness to be transparent, and you rationalize the truth you withhold as “not really telling a lie, and no one is really getting hurt.” So you withhold more and more and more of yourself.
-pornography: You know what pornography has done to other marriages, to other friends, to other families, to other church leaders…but you aren’t really “addicted” to pornography…and besides it doesn’t have the same affect on you that it does on other people. It won’t hurt your life, your marriage, your kids, your church, your ministry like it has other people.
-debt…You know you need to create a budget. You know you need to stop using credit cards. You know you need to share with your spouse how much debt you are in. But you make enough money to cover the minimum payments. You know you’ll be able to pay off the big screen in less than 90 days. You deserve the trip on Spring Break…you’ve worked hard. How could you not use your Macy’s card, it was an extra 15% off?
-drinking…Its not like you are an alcoholic. You can stop any time you want. You just like to have a good time. You just like to go out with the fellas. You just need to take the edge off. You know how to hold your liquor.
-flirting in the office…The sexual comments are common place at your office. The person you are flirting with knows you’re happily married. It is just friendly banter, it will never go any farther than that. You’re just charismatic, its part of your personality, its who you are…people think you’re charming.
The list could go on…the movies we watch, the music we listen to, the grudges we hold, the people we gossip about, the tempers we lose…we can justify it and explain it away.
It’s a small choice here, and a compromise there…and one morning we wake up and we have no idea how we drifted so far away from where we knew God was leading us. I have been there.
When we rationalize sin, we are telling the deepest of all lies…that is a lie to ourself.
Is there something that you are saying “yes” to in your life that you feel is compromising who God is calling you to be?
28 Comments to “The Slippery Slope of Rationalizing”
Leave a Reply
Great post Justin…got me thinking if we are all truely honest no matter how far you have come as a couple there is always work to do.
Thank you so much Lisa!
Ouch.
Sorry!
Heart breaking post. I was struck by how I viewed the minister's affair as a no-brainer. But each of the following examples you gave of withholding the truth appeared more reasonable and acceptabel. I found my self understanding and even sympathyzing with some of the lies.
It is a very slippery slope.
I pray God gives me the strength to live faithfully and honestly today…and each day.
Aaron…thank you for your comment, as that was my point in sharing the story…it is so easy to say "no brainer" as we look at someone else and ignore the "no brainers" in our own life. Thank you for your heartfelt comment!
Excellent! Everyone should read this. We all think we are "better" than that, but we are not. Just sinners. Every one.
Thank you….that is what's amazing about God's grace. Even while we are still sinning and justifying that sin, Christ died for us and loves us and longs for us to come home!
Justin,
This definitely resonates with me!
Another great post…you are so gifted in exposing some of the deepest, core matters of the heart and encouraging the reader to move in the direction of holiness. Many thanks for freely sharing wisdom with so many of us so often.
Amen! So very true. * you forgot "the shows we watch on tv"
Totally agree!
Jonathan…thank you. Can't take any credit, as I feel like God laid this on my heart to share…not because I have it figured out, but because I am on the journey and leading my kids on this journey as well. Thank you again!
Thanks for the transparency in your lives and the reminder that we are all called to live this way.
Lorie…thank you!
This is so true. Thanks for addressing a tough topic that is overlooked.
Thanks Lantz!
freakin' great post, justin!!!
Thank you, Jenni!
You know, it's not like I didn't realize it before today but this post is just a great reminder that God called us to Nashville and put us in that other church which treated our family like crap so I would appreciate the blessing of sitting under your teaching.
If you ever start a mentoring/accountability group, I'll be applying for it before you have the application done.
Thank you so much Jason! I appreciate your encouragement!
so true. thank goodness Christ can shine light in the dark and show us the truth to replace the lies that we've told ourselves.
Amen! Great word!
Rationalizing can start with one little thing. A lunch with an "old friend" suddenly becomes more than just a lunch. That is how it begins, satan gets alittle toe hold then a foothold and before long a BIG stronghold! Thank God from redeeming me from the pit and shining the light on my darkness. Guard your minds people! Think about what you think about.
I love your post Pam, how right you are!
Thank you for this great post! Rationalizing has certainly caused me some pain in my life and I don't want to make those mistakes anymore!
It's so easy for me to persuade myself when making decisions. I always have really good points that sway me one way or another. I usually only need to persuade myself if I'm arguing over the right thing to do. My wants/desires vs. my shoulds. As a fairly logical person, rationalizing comes easy to me. Your paragraph on accountability and transparency rang true in my heart. Sure, I can convince myself to do something with supporting arguments…but I need to go to God and those I trust and reveal to them the wrestlings of my heart.
Thanks for the reminder of this!
thanks Stacey…great thoughts!
Ouch.