The Difference Between Conviction & Shame
I have prayed about this post for a few days now. I have laid in bed thinking through the wording of what I want to say, because I feel it is so important. My hope is that no matter who you are, no matter where you’ve been, no matter your marital status or your tax bracket…this truth will give you freedom.
I often get emails from people who feel guilty. They have messed up, they have let others down, they have ruined relationships, they have destroyed families, or they have made poor decisions. A phrase that is most common in these emails is a variation of this phrase “I just don’t know if I can forgive myself.”
For over a year I lived in this reality. I felt guilty that my wife had forgiven me, and I didn’t deserve it. I felt guilty that so many people had to pay the price for my foolish decisions. I felt guilty that I couldn’t make right all that I had done wrong. Here is what is jacked: I convinced myself that how I was feeling and the way that I was living was a Godly spiritual response to what I had done.
There is a huge difference between Godly conviction and shame. Conviction is a prompting by the Holy Spirit that something you are choosing in your life isn’t right and you need to repent (turn back to God) for it. Shame is brought on by the Enemy for a sin that you have already been forgiven of, and convinces you that you didn’t deserve that forgiveness and there is still a price to pay. You have to make up for it, you have to work it off…you aren’t good enough to be forgiven yet.
Can I just tell you something…no one deserves forgiveness! No one deserves grace. There might be consequences to your actions and there might be a series of events that happen as a result of your choices, but your forgiveness isn’t dependent on that. Your forgiveness is unconditional, it is immediate and it is enough!
Most of us, no matter our past, live in shame. We don’t live with the awareness and the freedom of our forgiveness we live with the weight and the bondage of shame. When you choose to live in shame you choose daily defeat. You choose to daily defeat who God has provided a way for you to become with His Son’s death on the cross. God longs for you to live in freedom from shame…don’t take my word for it…take His: “Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.”
A little over a year after the affair, my precious wife, who had already forgiven me, gave me the gift of this truth. One night, she just told me it was time to stop living ashamed. It was time to stop living as though I hadn’t been forgiven, and start living like I am forgiven. Those words changed my life. My prayer today is that they change yours too.
Are you mistaking shame for conviction?
32 Comments to “The Difference Between Conviction & Shame”
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I don't even know how to comment on this one…i'll just say "thank you!".
Chuck…
Praying for you bro!
Great post! This is an important reminder that we all need to here. We, as Christians, get to live in Freedom rather than being pulled down by Guilt and Shame.
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Thanks so much Lindsey! You are so right!
EXCELLENT post. I had mistaken shame for conviction so many times in my life. It held me back from healing in Christ.
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Thanks Jason! Been there many times myself!
Thanks for posting! We all need to hear this message!
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Thanks Alison!
Great post. We don't talk about shame and it's damaging effects enough! With shame usually comes contempt. And we try to punish ourselves and atone for our own sins instead of accepting the forgiveness given. How that breaks the heart of God! I blogged about one of my biggest battles with shame last week.
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Dena…I totally agree with you. Most of the defeat we feel as Christians is trying to provide atonement for ourselves.
Strong stuff here, bro. Been there. In his book "Counterfeit Gods," Tim Keller says that when someone says "I know God forgives me, but I can't seem to forgive myself," what they really mean is they have failed an idol, a counterfeit god whose approval is more important to them than God's. Ouch.
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Dude…I have to start reading Tim Keller, you are killing me with his quotes!
You've never read anything by Tim Keller?!?!?!? Are you saved?
My problem is I know God has forgiven me for what I did but I have a very hard time forgiving myself. I think I have and then something happens and I find myself gioing back over it again and again. Its so very hard.
It is so very hard, Pam. Praying for you!
So many people need to hear what you've said here. Not just because they've confused shame with what they think is a "Godly spiritual response" but also because so many people will hold on to that response as their identity. __I've counseled folks who after a certain amount of time dealing with the aftermath of sin still hold on to their guilt with a sort of obssesion. ____Thank you for posting this and encouraging us all to break through guilt and not hold on to shame. Shame can become an idol as easily as any lust or material greed.____Well said, Justin.
Great word Aaron! Thanks so much!
I do believe I have managed to equate my guilt I *feel* as my identity and therefore worthless until I get it together and do better, yet I never seem to get it together and do better; hence, I am worthless. Perhaps, after 30+ years of living in this manner, it's time I should pursue other avenues.
Jack…I am praying for you and know that God doesn't view you as worthless at all. You are worth so much that He allowed His son to die so you could have life with Him. There is great value in that! Please let me know if I can serve you in any way!
Great post. It sounds like the difference between Godly sorrow and worldly sorrow:
2 Corinthians 7:10 Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.
JonBoy…that is so wild. I did a post a couple of months ago on Godly sorrow and worldly sorrow and used that verse. Thanks for the great word!
Awesome truth. I get this battle with shame. Have wrestled with it deep down. It's an ongoing process, for sure. Thanks for speaking it so well.
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It is so much an ongoing process. I don't think we give ourselves enough room to grow and become more like Christ…we just expect it to happen.
Awesome post. I love the verse. It's one I'd sort of "forgotten." Thanks.
I love when God brings back to mind a verse I really need!
Thank you for this post. My heart needed to be reminded of this truth today.
Thank you so much Makeda!
thanks so very much.. For continuing to share your experiences..
This is SO true and I too needed to be reminded of this!
So glad it was a blessing to you!
WOW! POWERFULL POST today, my man! Miss you guys!
G od's
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Thanks so much pops! Miss you too!
The guilt is awful! It is so easy to hold on to it.I remember one day sitting in church in AL and my pastor talking about how when we hold on to our guilt we are just being consumed with ourselves. We are being selfish! We would rather bath in self pity and use that as an excuse for not being able to serve than to accept God's grace. It hit me like a ton of bricks. At that point I was determined that no matter what I had done that I wasn't going to let that be an excuse anymore. I was his and he had fogiven me and all I could do was to do the best I could with what I had messed up and emmerse myself in his Grace. I never felt so alive. I try to live that way daily now. I am happy to say he can use you no matter how much you have messed up, but you have to be willing for it to be about him , not you. great post! Brings back so much emotion.
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