March 4, 2010 in Uncategorized with 22 Comments

The Purity Ring

Over the past year, my wife and I have been talking very frankly with our oldest son, Micah about sexual purity. He and I have gone through the book Preparing Your Son for Every Man’s Battle. It is brutally honest and has paved the way to some great conversations. Conversations about wet dreams and pubic hair have left me feeling totally uncomfortable at times, but I am so thankful those conversations have been between us…and not just in the locker room with his friends.

Over the past few weeks, Micah has asked if we would get him a purity ring. I don’t know who is getting a bigger gift, Trisha and me or him. So on Friday, we are taking him out to dinner and presenting him with a purity ring.

It won’t be our last conversation about sexual purity…but it will be a milestone in our journey. We are transitioning from a stage of life where we have protected our kids from sexual immorality to one where we offer guidance to them as they choose to embrace purity. It is a weird feeling.

I know that the affair I had almost destroyed my marriage and could have ruined my family. But that event, more than any other in my life, woke me up to the importance of guarding purity. Purity is an odd thing…you can’t have part of it or half of it…you either have it or you don’t.

Purity isn’t perfection…it is the pursuit of a state of heart. The pursuit of purity involves setting boundaries, recognizing temptation and confessing honestly when we mess up. I want a pure heart. I want my boys to have a pure heart.

On Friday, only by the grace of God, Trisha and I will have the opportunity to give our son a physical representation of his pursuit of purity. I feel so thankful, so honored and so blessed!

Anyone else wish their family would have talked about purity more growing up?

About Justin and Trisha:

All Posts by  |  Personal Blog  |  Twitter  |  Facebook  |  Share By Email
  • http://intensedebate.com/people/Lindsey_Nobles Lindsey_Nobles

    That's awesome. Micah is such a cook kid.
    My recent post Miscellaneous Thoughts from Thirty Thousand Feet

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/lightchild Grant

    That's beautiful, man. I wish a lot of things, but yes, I do. Sometimes I also wish I had grown up in a home where these things were even discussed AT ALL. Unfortunately we were too busy going to church and trying to make sure everyone thought we were perfect and "saved" that who had time to talk about sex and purity??? But it is what it is and my story is what makes me who I am right now. Is it weird that I almost got a little emotional reading this? Ok, good. :)

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

      Grant…thanks so much…your emotion reading it only matched mine writing it!

  • XpunkX

    Wow justin that is awesome. I know that is something that i feel is important to talk to my son about. and half cant wait to talk to him and half scared as heck to do it. Thanks for sharing all you do

  • Minette

    "Purity isn’t perfection…it is the pursuit of a state of heart" A M E N. Too often as Christians we place way to much emphasis on WHAT we did or are doing than what the real issue is: our hearts being right with our Savior.

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

      Thanks Minette!

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/JasonWert JasonWert

    Do I wish I had? Oh, how I wish I had. Good on ya for doing this with your son.
    My recent post Blown away in 48 hours

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

      Thanks Jason!

  • cshell

    In that stage right now with my son, very uncomfortable. Have had beginning discussions, but not as deep as my wife would like (that's for you babes :) ) My parents really didn't talk at all with me, like Grant, they were more worried about my hair and movies.

    I'm not sure about the whole "ring" thing, kinda takes me back to my upbrings somewhat. Not a judgement, just what is in my head right now. But i do think it is GREAT you are at least doing something.

    Justin, a question, and if too personal just tell me:) What have you/or did you tell your kids about You and your sin?

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

      The purity ring isn't something I thought would be my deal either until my wife didn't want her wedding ring back when we separated. I realized then the power of that ring. When we renewed our vows, we got new wedding rings and there was something special about that…so that is why we are making a big deal out of it for him as well…it is a commitment between he and God and want to cheer him on in that.

      As far as what my kids know…they have read our blog, they have heard us speak, they have watched our video. The conversations from 5 years ago are a lot different today, as their knowledge is different…so in many ways the story has to be retold as it is being viewed through older and more mature lenses. We are pretty open about it, but I feel appropriate as well. Hope that helps

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

    Thanks Andy! The biggest challenge to having conversations is just getting over myself…my son doesn't know that it "should" be uncomfortable…so now it is just natural.

  • cshell

    It does, thanks.

  • Pingback: rebeccannb

  • Pingback: Justin Davis

  • Mike

    Justin,
    how old is your son?
    after attending a Wild at Heart event and having my life shaken to the very foundation i thought i had, i came back to be very intentional with my son. Something I craved from my own father.
    So along with my small group of men, we offered a 'raising a modern day knight' series at our church. i've taken my son away camping alone where i presented him a bible and compass…. two things to help him guide his life. we done 2 father/son canoe trips through some wild white water. At 18, i've seen him grow into such an amazing young man.
    however after reading your post i'm wondering did i miss out on a very important part? we talked a little about girls etc but not in the detail i think the book you refer to does. is it too late to walk thru with my son?
    love you guys and how God has transformed your marriage…..

    Mike

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

      Mike…my oldest son is 13…will be 14 in July (I feel old just typing that). I have heard AWESOME things about the Wild at Heart events! I don't think it is my place to say if you have missed anything with your son…what you have done is so much more than most.

      For us, my past hurts, abuse and struggles have dictated much of how deep we have shared. I was sexually abused as a kid, I struggled with pornography and pre-marital sex…and never really talked to anyone about it. So, when we went through what we did 4 1/2 years ago, we made a decision to be open with our kids about sex and sexual struggles so they would know when they were teenagers that they weren't alone and that they could come to us. I don't think it is ever too late to begin these conversations.

      I am proud of the role you are playing in your son's life and believe it will pay huge dividends in the future! Thank you for being a part of of RefineUs.

  • paulaswift

    Yes, how old is Micah?
    I'm so glad you posted this… I know Bradley is only (almost) 4, but this topic scares me in how to handle it with him. I grew up with all sisters and my parents left it to our pretty strict church to set the guidelines. (and yup, that backfired!) We want for Bradley to talk openly with us – preferably more with Sam on this stuff and perhaps with me to get the chic side. Good to know there is some material out there to help us out. :)

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

      See above response :) I think you have a little time. I have started the book with Elijah who turns 11 this month. The conversations are much different with the two boys because of their age difference even though it is the same material.

  • Pingback: Justin Davis

  • Pingback: Lisa Robertson

  • Pingback: I AM MESSED UP, AND SO ARE YOU!

  • http://makeroomfor.blogspot.com/ Tracey

    I often wonder if someone would have encouraged purity if my choices would have been different. So very different.
    My recent post I Dropped the (yarn) Ball