May 26, 2010 in Uncategorized with 23 Comments

Your “Go To” Place

Trisha and I are huge fans of The Biggest Loser. There are several reasons we love the show, but probably the biggest reason is the life change the show brings to the lives of the contestants.

Last night on the finale, one of the finalists was asked how he overcame his struggles while he was at home. He said, “I had to change where I turned to when I was stressed out and overwhelmed. I couldn’t turn to food anymore.”

Each of us have a “Go To” place as well. It is that place we turn to, that place we go when we are stressed out or overwhelmed. Where do you go when there isn’t enough money to cover the bills; when your job is sucking the life out of you; when your marriage has more bad days than good; when you kids are on your nerves; when the end of your depression is no where in sight; when a friendship is crumbling; when a the guy or the girl you thought was “the one” decides its over; where do you go?

For me, my “go to” place was food and pornography. When life and ministry and marriage and responsibilities were closing in around me, my greatest desire was to escape, to feel better. The short-term gain of escape has such damaging, long-term consequences.

Part of my recovery and healing began by identifying the things in my life that cause me to want to escape and then talking about them rather than internalizing them. Then I had to begin to trust that I could take those things to a different “go to” place.  I had to trust that my “go to” place could be found with God and with my wife. It is an everyday choice. This isn’t something you can choose once and its over. You choose it again and again and again.

What is your “go to” place? Is it a bar, a video game, a web site, a chat room, an adult movie, an opposite sex-friend that isn’t your spouse, a sexual act, a late night snack?

The truth today is that God longs to be our “go to” place. While shame and guilt try to prevent us from making Him our “go to” place, the freedom we find there can’t be found anywhere else.

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

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  • anewcreation

    There was a time when every time I felt frustrated in my marriage, rejected by my friends or generally unappreciated, hurt or overlooked, I would find comfort and encouragement in a person who like you carried great responsibility for the spiritual health of others and what started as a shepherd – sheep relationship, soon started (on my part alone or at least I can only speak for myself) to feel like something else. By God's grace, and the redemptive spirit of the living Lord, I was able to see it for what it was and change course before it was too late. In God's eyes, it was already too late. That used to be my "go to" place. Since then, playing with fire and having got so nearly burnt, I have learnt to go to Jesus in the first instance of feeling rejected, disappointed and hurt. Continued in next comment
    My recent post Has your church got the real deal?

  • anewcreation

    Continued from previous comment
    .
    As soon as I feel that kind of heavy heart within me, I go into a quiet room, play worship music and I immediately feel God is there, right next to me. I feel Jesus interceding on my behalf and just like He said to Peter in Luke 22, 31-32: "Simon, Simon, behold, Satan has demanded permission to sift you like wheat; but I have prayed for you, that your faith may not fail, when once you have turned again, strengthen your brothers".

    The way you are so honest about what you have gone through and the hurt you have caused yourself and others, is a magnificent way to be used by God to reach others in the midst of their pain, affliction and lack of guidance and discernment in their own lives.

    Keep up the good work. Transparency is the only way!

    God bless you

    Mercedes
    My recent post Has your church got the real deal?

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  • http://intensedebate.com/people/JasonWert JasonWert

    While I agree shame and guilt factor into not choosing God as the "go to" I think there's another factor too. Sometimes God just doesn't show up the way we want Him to show up and our flesh just takes over. (No, I didn't read Plan B.)

    The quick fixes provide moments of relief. Sure, the long term damage is heavy and we don't stop to look at it…but in that moment when we feel the stress is just too much that escape gives us an oasis in the desert. I know there was a point in my life where I just gave up on God being a "go to" because I was tired of Him not easing my pain or the problems just getting worse. My "logical" brain just kept asking why I would keep running to someone who didn't bother to help. (I know the bigger picture NOW…but in the moment…)

    Good post, Justin.
    My recent post Internet Explorer users…

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

      Your thoughts are right on…it seems pointless at times to see God as the go-to, yet pointless is what the enemy longs for us to believe. Thank you Jason for your thoughts.

  • http://intensedebate.com/profiles/drayburn Dusty Rayburn

    Many times my go to place is a book or the computer (playing a game or programming…I'm a nerd…) These days, I am learning to find peace by abiding in Him constantly regardless of the circumstances.
    My recent post The Christian Atheist – Shame

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/seanrreid seanrreid

    For me it's absolutely food and porn. Food is only slightly more dangerous because it's socially acceptable and it's something I can turn to at ANY time. Porn always required planning and secrecy which, at times, gave me just enough time to correct. Although, in the worst of times, there was nothing that could stop me from consuming something to alleviate my stress. Unfortunately immediately after consumption the guilt kicks in and the stress increases which leads to more consumption. It's a painful VICIOUS cycle.

    Ironically, I'm completely aware of my "goto places" and the cycle in which I'm trapped. However, try though I might, I can't seem to get out. I honestly feel like I'm stuck in something as simple as a rotating door and can't stop long enough so I can just walk away.

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

      Sean…thank you for your honesty and transparency here. It is a vicious cycle. Praying for you.

  • http://intensedebate.com/profiles/bigtsbutterfly bigtsbutterfly

    Matthew 11: 28 was my study verse for 2009. Thru the years my go to place has been various and sundry things like bacon burgers and chocolate and even ebay. I wrecked my health and budget chasing a temporary fix to the things that ailed me. Indeed it is quite a destructive, pointless pursuit to desire and expect something in creation to do what only the Creator can. It is a mighty wonderful thing to be free. Thank you as always for this powerful post.

    Sharmayn

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/Kevin_Martineau Kevin_Martineau

    My typical "go to"places have been food, TV and the computer. I have been working hard on changing these in my life. Some days are easier than others.
    My recent post Life is a marathon, not a sprint

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  • Mom J

    I have found that sometimes I can't find the strength to do what I know I should do and so it takes other godly people to pray me out of my black hole. Thank You Lord for caring people and prayer intercessors.

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  • http://intensedebate.com/profiles/jennyrain jennyrain

    my go to's… my internet/blogger community – they keep me balanced… writing – I always write my jank out… blogging, journaling… sometimes the phone-a-friend, but more recently not so much…

    I have no idea where I go consistently other than writing… that either means I'm really healthy or really not!
    My recent post He will carry me…

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  • Kerry Cox

    Reading this post yesterday has already saved my day today! I woke up this morning and was feeling a little insecure about my relationship with my wife. She was already downstairs with the kids, as I had slept in a little, and I knew I needed to go downstairs and just love on her. But when I went to hug her I could tell she was cold and distant. I asked her what was wrong, and she said that Thursdays were her long day with the kids, and she really could have used my help for the last hour. Of course, she was right. I hadn't slept well and justified sleeping in in my mind, but the bottom line was I was being selfish and looking to my own desires first. But it didn't matter that she was right. I felt rejected, hurt, insulted, and defensive. I couldn't wait to leave the house this morning so that I could go to one of my quick fixes, the ones that destroy intimacy with my wife and with my Father.
    But I remembered this post and wondered what it would look like to go to God as my "go-to" place. I went to Galatians on BibleGateway on my laptop, and almost before I began reading I felt tears coming to my eyes and the Holy Spirit speaking strength, encouragement, and humility into my heart. I don’t think the problem is that God isn’t “real” enough to be my quick fix. I think the problem is simply that my pride has so often kept me from going to the one place where healing and hope and grace abound, and where my adulterous heart can see that faithfulness is its own reward, and straying is death.
    Thanks, JD.