June 10, 2010 in Uncategorized with 55 Comments

Fight For It

When our marriage melted down in 2005, Trisha and I thought that the things that we struggled with, the problems that we had and the issues we faced were unique to us. For the next year and a half, we spent a lot of time identifying our issues, talking about our problems and being honest and transparent about our struggles.

Over the course of the past three years, as we’ve talked to others, we’ve realized that the things that we deal with, everyone deals with. The problems we have, everyone has, or they lie about not having.

A few weeks ago, I was having lunch with a friend who was having some problems in his marriage. He began to walk me through their issues, and they weren’t unique or different or unsolvable. They were real and they were serious, but not exclusive to their relationship. At one point in our conversation, I said to my friend, “What you need to do is you need to fight for your marriage. You are more willing to fight for your music career than you are committed to fight for your marriage.” He said, “It’s easier to fight with her, than it is to fight for her.”

There is a relationship in your life right now that you need to fight for. Relationships don’t just happen…relationships drift. You have to fight for it. What I have noticed about life is that it is so much easier for us to fight for other things, which matter so much less:

  • Fight for your career
  • Fight for a bigger house or nicer car
  • Fight for peoples’ approval
  • Fight for your status
  • Fight for a business deal

We get so consumed with life; we spend the best hours of our day fighting for things that in the end don’t matter. Somewhere along the way, the people that mean the most to us get the least amount of fight from us. We fight with them, but we stop fighting for them.

Your son needs you to fight for him. Your best friend needs you to fight for her. Your wife needs you to fight for her. Your boyfriend needs you to fight for him. Your mom needs you to fight for her.

If you want a great friendship, you have to fight for it. If you want an intimate marriage, you have to fight for it. If you want to know your son or your daughter and be known by them, you have to fight for it. If you want to have a close relationship with your sister like you used to have, you have to fight for it. If you want to rebuild your relationship with your dad, it won’t just “happen”; you have to fight for it.

Who in your life do you need to start fighting for?

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  • http://fireandhammer.blogspot.com Dennis

    Thanks for this reminder. Up until recently I just allowed my marriage to happen. Then my wife spoke of feeling disonnected with people around her. I realized the problem was she was disconnected with me because I was not fighting for her. I moved from passive to actively fighting and things have improved significantly.

    One person needs to be added to your list. With all the temptation in our world we need to fight for our relationship with God.
    My recent post What Will You Do with LGBT Month?

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

      Great thoughts…it is wild that I have to remind myself to fight to have a relationship with God after he has had the ultimate fight to have a relationship with me…one day I hope to get it!

  • http://fireandhammer.blogspot.com Dennis

    Thanks for this reminder. Up until recently I just allowed my marriage to happen. Then my wife spoke of feeling disonnected with people around her. I realized the problem was she was disconnected with me because I was not fighting for her. I moved from passive to actively fighting and things have improved significantly.

    One person needs to be added to your list. With all the temptation in our world we need to fight for our relationship with God.
    My recent post What Will You Do with LGBT Month?

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

      Great thoughts…it is wild that I have to remind myself to fight to have a relationship with God after he has had the ultimate fight to have a relationship with me…one day I hope to get it!

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  • http://intensedebate.com/people/ffandhb Chrissy

    I couldn't agree with this post more, Justin! I know first hand that any relationship in your life, if you want it to be good, has to be fought for on a daily basis. You can't take anything for granted, and you can't assume that it'll just happen naturally. In a world where it's too easy to get caught up in our own stuff, you have to work for every single relationship and if you don't, they'll just fall apart. Thanks for the great insight!
    My recent post Favorite Things Thurday – Summer Blockbuster Edition

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

      Thank you Chrissy! Taking nothing for granted is so important!

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/ffandhb Chrissy

    I couldn't agree with this post more, Justin! I know first hand that any relationship in your life, if you want it to be good, has to be fought for on a daily basis. You can't take anything for granted, and you can't assume that it'll just happen naturally. In a world where it's too easy to get caught up in our own stuff, you have to work for every single relationship and if you don't, they'll just fall apart. Thanks for the great insight!
    My recent post Favorite Things Thurday – Summer Blockbuster Edition

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

      Thank you Chrissy! Taking nothing for granted is so important!

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/Lindsey_Nobles Lindsey_Nobles

    I think I need to fight for me, the things I want, my dreams – I am terrible at it. It's like I just don't know where to start…

    • cshell

      Exactly what i was thinking, but i felt guitly posting it. So thanks :)

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/taminprogress taminprogress

      i was thinking that too. im glad you said it.
      My recent post you should be….

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

      I think you can't adequately fight for a relationship if you haven't fought for you first. If you don't know who you are, what you dream, where you want to go, it will be a half-hearted fight in all relationships. Thanks for stating what so many feel but can't articulate.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/Lindsey_Nobles Lindsey_Nobles

    I think I need to fight for me, the things I want, my dreams – I am terrible at it. It's like I just don't know where to start…

    • cshell

      Exactly what i was thinking, but i felt guitly posting it. So thanks :)

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/taminprogress taminprogress

      i was thinking that too. im glad you said it.
      My recent post you should be….

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

      I think you can't adequately fight for a relationship if you haven't fought for you first. If you don't know who you are, what you dream, where you want to go, it will be a half-hearted fight in all relationships. Thanks for stating what so many feel but can't articulate.

  • http://intensedebate.com/profiles/jennyrain JennyRain

    sooo timely.. thank you
    My recent post Snapshot Memories: What picture are you creating?

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

      Thank you Jenny!

  • http://intensedebate.com/profiles/jennyrain JennyRain

    sooo timely.. thank you
    My recent post Snapshot Memories: What picture are you creating?

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

      Thank you Jenny!

  • Ian Black

    Wow! If this wasn't the biggest kick in the teeth! Great post. I often let my guard down and don't fight hard enough for my relationships. I just assume they will remain in tact. Thanks for the reminder to keep my guard up and to remain in fighting position.

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

      Didn't mean to kick you in the teeth! :) Thank you Ian!

  • Ian Black

    Wow! If this wasn't the biggest kick in the teeth! Great post. I often let my guard down and don't fight hard enough for my relationships. I just assume they will remain in tact. Thanks for the reminder to keep my guard up and to remain in fighting position.

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

      Didn't mean to kick you in the teeth! :) Thank you Ian!

  • http://intensedebate.com/profiles/jding jding

    I love this! It wasn't until we stopped fighting with each other and started fighting for each other that our marriage took a turn for the better. Great post!
    My recent post The Yarn Knot

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

      True dat! Thank you!

  • http://intensedebate.com/profiles/jding jding

    I love this! It wasn't until we stopped fighting with each other and started fighting for each other that our marriage took a turn for the better. Great post!
    My recent post The Yarn Knot

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

      True dat! Thank you!

  • http://gweninlove.blogspot.com/ Gwen

    Great thoughts. Fight for your marriage!
    My recent post I Do?

  • http://gweninlove.blogspot.com/ Gwen

    Great thoughts. Fight for your marriage!
    My recent post I Do?

  • Mom J

    Great, great post you guys! Mom J

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

      :) Thank you. Love you guys!

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  • Mom J

    Great, great post you guys! Mom J

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

      :) Thank you. Love you guys!

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  • http://intensedebate.com/profiles/blakeunfettered Blake Bergstrom

    I'm going to fight you…at Cornhole…3 days homie…3 days!! i'm going to demolish your face!! i can't wait.

    Your fellow campus pastor speaking truth!!

    Blake

  • http://intensedebate.com/profiles/blakeunfettered Blake Bergstrom

    I'm going to fight you…at Cornhole…3 days homie…3 days!! i'm going to demolish your face!! i can't wait.

    Your fellow campus pastor speaking truth!!

    Blake

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  • http://intensedebate.com/people/lightchild Grant Jenkins

    Great stuff, as always! I feel like I am in the fight of my life right now over my heart. I am fighting for my heart and while I am more aware now than ever that I will have this fight every day of my life, never before have I felt so deep in the battle. Thanks for this.
    My recent post What I Thought I Wanted, What I Got Instead

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

      Thanks Grant! You are inspiring a lot of others to fight for their heart as well!

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/lightchild Grant Jenkins

    Great stuff, as always! I feel like I am in the fight of my life right now over my heart. I am fighting for my heart and while I am more aware now than ever that I will have this fight every day of my life, never before have I felt so deep in the battle. Thanks for this.
    My recent post What I Thought I Wanted, What I Got Instead

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

      Thanks Grant! You are inspiring a lot of others to fight for their heart as well!

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  • http://www.ourmarriagerestored.blogspot.com Kristina

    Great post.. Marriage isn't easy & making it work isn't always as easy as we would like it to be. I LOVE how you really point out that we need to fight to make it work…. I recently read a Facebook status that said: The grass isn't greener on the other side… Its greener where you water it! =) (We're planning to link this post on our site later on! )
    My recent post Value of a Journal…

  • http://www.ourmarriagerestored.blogspot.com Kristina

    Great post.. Marriage isn't easy & making it work isn't always as easy as we would like it to be. I LOVE how you really point out that we need to fight to make it work…. I recently read a Facebook status that said: The grass isn't greener on the other side… Its greener where you water it! =) (We're planning to link this post on our site later on! )
    My recent post Value of a Journal…

  • Philip

    Well that's a nice thought and theory of course, but in a fight you win or lose….so when do you know you've fought and lost.

  • Philip

    Well that's a nice thought and theory of course, but in a fight you win or lose….so when do you know you've fought and lost.

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