It All Makes Sense Now
I’m going to say this on the front end of this post…I am not sure you need to read this as much as I need to write it. I’m not even sure if it will make sense…but feel like I need to get it out there.
One of our favorite things to do on Sunday after church is to go out to eat as a family. We usually (like 90% of the time) eat Mexican food on Sundays. Trisha and I aren’t sure how or why that started, but it’s tradition now! My boys spent the past week at basketball camp, at the college we attended, so I was looking forward to sitting down for Sunday lunch.
Yesterday, we were eating with our good friend Lindsey, when my boys began to tell her a story. They spent the week with a former basketball teammate of mine, Kenny Todd. Apparently, (according to my boys) when I first met Trisha in 1993, I introduced her to my friend Kenny and myself by saying, “Hello, there. My name is God, and this is my son.” I can’t believe I said that; I don’t remember saying that; I don’t doubt that I said that. One of my boys asked Kenny, “Why would my dad say that?” He said, “Because he was that cocky.”
As the story ended Lindsey said something I’ve been processing since. She said, “Now it all makes sense.” She was joking, but I said, “What makes sense?” She said, “Everything.” I said, “Seriously, what makes sense?” Lindsey simply said, “Why you needed to be broken.”
Up until 5 years ago, there were a lot of thing I thought I needed:
-I needed a title to find my identity
-I needed the approval of others to find value
-I needed to be recognized as a gifted leader
-I needed to stand out as a communicator
-I needed my church to grow to feel important
It is wild how the insecurity we often feel manifests itself as pride. The person that introduced himself as God had been sexually abused. The person that introduced himself as God had lust issues. The person that introduced himself as God wondered if he would ever be good enough. The person that introduced himself as God had a fear of not fitting in. The person that introduced himself as God felt so insecure and out of place.
Yet, even 17 years later the statement was “He was just that cocky.”
Maybe you think you need a promotion to feel validated. Maybe you think you need pornography to find peace. Maybe you think you need that relationship with someone that isn’t your spouse to feel understood. Maybe you think you need alcohol to take the edge off. Maybe you think you need the approval of others to find value. Maybe you think you need that relationship to feel attractive. Maybe you think you need ________________.
Maybe, what you really need is brokenness. Not the brokenness you and I try to disguise as confidence.
But the brokenness that comes from introducing yourself to others like “Hi, this is God, and I am His son (daughter).”
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