June 22, 2010 in Authenticity,Faith,Identity with 34 Comments

Protecting Your Rep

A few months ago, Trisha went to pick up our youngest son from school. He got in the van, and they started to head home. On the way home, she said to Isaiah, “How was your day?” He said, “It was good.” She replied, “What did you do today?” “We played and had gym.” So down the road they went.

A few minutes later, she received a call from the assistant principal at his school. She began to inform Trisha that Isaiah had gotten in trouble. He and another boy had to go to the bathroom, and rather than asking to go inside to use the restroom, they decided to go behind a tree and pee on the tree. They got caught, and it was a major deal. Like go on your permanent record major. Not only that, but come to find out, Isaiah had spent 3 hours…THREE HOURS…in the principal’s office that day. He never said a word. Acted like it was a typical day.

“How was your day?” “Good.” “What did you do today?” “We played and had gym.” As I thought about my son and his response, the truth is that there isn’t a huge difference between him and us.  There are major problems. There are major issues. There has been a major mess up…like go on your permanent record mess up…but often we don’t acknowledge it. We pretend like it hasn’t happened. We act like its no big deal.

Trust has been broken; addictions have been revealed; hidden sin is now pushed into the light; but so many of us are more concerned about our reputation than we are our heart. We’re more concerned about what others think about us than who we really are.

When losing your reputation is the driving force of your life…healing is a long way off. When you care about people finding out you are broken more than you care to be whole…your in for a long, painful, repetitive journey.

Pretending it doesn’t exist won’t make your lust issues go away. Acting like you are an honest person won’t help you stop lying. Keeping your marriage problems from your family and friends won’t help you avoid divorce. Being nice when people are around doesn’t make up for the anger issues you have.  Playing like you have lots of money when what you really have is lots of debt won’t allow you to live in freedom.

Protecting your rep, isn’t the same as guarding your heart.

Why is it a struggle to allow people to see our brokenness?

About Justin and Trisha:

All Posts by  |  Personal Blog  |  Twitter  |  Facebook  |  Share By Email

  • Pingback: Tweets that mention Protecting Your Rep | Refine Us -- Topsy.com

  • http://twitter.com/arlielaurie @arlielaurie

    I find it hard to show my brokenness b/c I try to maintain that image of someone who has it all together. We've been married for 22 years and there have definitely been seasons when one or both of us were done with our marriage. Showing brokenness means exposing vulnerabilities and I have never been comfortable doing that. Its easier to wait until that season or issue passes to say wisely "oh, yes we were in a rough patch but we made it through" – I would never have shared it with you when we were in the storm and needed the wisdom and guidance of our peers. Something to work on for sure!

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

      That was the cross roads I was at on Sunday…exposing something that we are still somewhat in the middle of is much more intimidating than talking about something you've "been through". Thanks Laurie!

  • BigTsbutterfly

    What's in the middle of s*i*n and pr*i*de?

    I think it all boils down to a simple choice we each have to make every day…

    The first thing Adam & Eve did after they sinned in the Garden was to try to "cover " themselves and hide from God. Humankind is still doing that today… Every day, each of us, makes the choice to be in one of TWO places. (And there are only two.) We will either hide FROM God, pretending we've "got this." Or we will hide IN God, acknowledging our utter clue-less-ness apart from Him.

    It's about Lordship (surrender) and sanctification. Yesterday I hid myself in God but today I have to choose again who I will serve— myself, the culture, my reputation… or the Lord God. And tomorrow if I'm still here I will have to do the same.

    "You are my hiding place;You shall preserve me from trouble; You shall surround me with songs of deliverance. Selah " Psalm 32:7

    Thanks for another thoughtful post. I'll be sharing it on facebook.

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

      Great thoughts! Hiding from God or hiding IN God…great way to state that!

  • Warren

    I'm not sure why we all seem to treat trust like a bad game of zenga, afraid if we pull out the wrong truth the entire trust tower will fall. The craziest thing is that the opposite is so true. Showing your brokenness often brings others closer to you. Admitting your weakness gives you strength. Breaking the bondage of lies and deceit will set you free. No longer do you have to hide from your warts and scars or try to cover them up. You can just be who you are and real relationships can start with real perspectives about each other. Grace is something that unless people know we need it they can't give it. Repenting to the Father is not so he can know the details of what we did wrong he already has those, it is so we can realize how great and wonderful his grace and mercy is.

    • BigTsbutterfly

      So true and very well said!

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

      Wow…very powerful! I'm using that illustration sometime :) Thanks Warren!

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/ffandhb Chrissy

    Isaiah is the opposite of Pete's son, Brewer, who apparently screams at the top of his lungs when he's done wrong. I'm more like Isaiah. If I can keep it to myself, and hope that it either goes unnoticed or works itself out, that's what I prefer to do. That's not the RIGHT thing, of course, but it's my preference.

    Why IS it a struggle to allow people to see our brokenness? I wish I knew. My only explanation is that perfection – or at least the illusion of perfection – has been so drilled into us, that we're afraid to willingly let anyone see our short-comings. We're afraid of being judged.

    I know there's no one in the world who actually thinks I'm perfect, but if I can hide my failings from them, rather than come right out and broadcast them, that just seems safer to me.

    Futile and crazy, I know. But yet I keep doing it.
    My recent post Tuesday Tunes: More Beautiful You

    • BigTsbutterfly

      The freedom to take off the mask came for me Chrissy when I realized that we are ALL broken, messed up people in need of the Father's renewing touch. ALL of us. Everyone. The Bible tells us to not think more highly of ourselves than we ought. And that the best we have to offer God, in and of ourselves, is "filthy rags." We have to rehearse and rehearse what God says in order to overcome what the world says. He alone gives us our value. He didn't withhold even His Son for us. He's not like our earthly parents or others whose love often feels conditional, based on our performance. He loves us simply because we are His, warts and all.

      Are you familiar with Nick VIjujic?
      http://www.lifewithoutlimbs.org/

      He was born without arms or legs. Nick loves the Lord something crazy. He says in one of his videos, "I didn't need arms and legs. I needed redemption!" I love that!!! We don't need worldly "perfection" and approval. We need redemption! And He's given it to us so we can be free!

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

      The illusion of perfection keeps us all hiding…yet perfection is only found in the perfect love of Christ…I play the futile and crazy game as well. Thanks Chrissy!

  • http://intensedebate.com/profiles/morgsmsquared Morgan

    To me, showing off your brokeness means taking off your armor. It's much like when you forget your watch–your wrist feels naked and all day you try to cover up the empty space, rather than let it be. Letting others know you are broken means potentially opening yourself up to being wounded, as they will see just where you are weak. I just finished the "Me too" chapter in Plan B last night, and Pete addresses the importance of having a community to walk with you. Perhaps they are your new protective gear until you feel you can safely reach out and take God's hand and recieve his love and shielding.
    My recent post God and Dust Bunnies…

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

      Wow….that is good. Never underestimate the power of authentic community!

  • http://intensedebate.com/profiles/jennyrain JennyRain

    I came by this morn and read your post and closed it cuz I felt exposed. ugh. hate that!

    "When you care about people finding out you are broken more than you care to be whole…your in for a long, painful, repetitive journey."

    God has been dealing w/me on this… taking me through a season where some of my "broken" is not as behind the scenes as I usually like to stay. ugh.
    My recent post Trafficking: The Not-So-Subtle Violation of a Person’s Soul

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

      You are set up well to find wholeness and healing. Praying for you.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/lightchild Grant Jenkins

    Beautiful, painful stuff here, dude. I can relate to this. I've hit a point in my life where there is so much change happening, the temptation is there to just deal with what is right in front of me and push the other stuff back and not deal with it or let anyone into those areas of my life. But I'm choosing to kick the door open on all of it and find out what it really means to "run in His ways". I'm thankful for people in my life who I can confide in, share the tough stuff and not be judged or pushed away. Embracing and letting go.
    My recent post Say What???

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

      Sometimes kicking the door open is the most scariest thing, because you don't always know what is behind that door. Thanks for your courage.

  • Pingback: David Goodwin

  • Pingback: Justin Davis

  • Pingback: Kyla Cofer

  • Pingback: Todd Conant

  • Pingback: valerietatum

  • Pingback: Grant Jenkins

  • http://www.stephenbrewster.me brewster

    SO GOOD! Thanks for being so honest man, refreshing.

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

      Thank you my friend!

  • Pingback: Justin Davis

  • Pingback: Casey Graham

  • http://intensedebate.com/profiles/merche12 anewcreation

    I have to agree and say that I think this is a major issue which links with the lack of effectiveness to make disciples in our churches and even more so outside of them today. We give lip service but our hearts are really far from God. If we cannot be honest with Him, how can we possibly be honest with ourselves and others?

    This links in with what I have just written on my last post. If you care to leave a comment, your views would be hugely appreciated.

    Good insightful stuff here, as ever.

    Thanks.

    God bless you
    My recent post THE NEW FACE OF THE CHURCH? PLEASE GOD LET IT BE TRUE!

  • Pingback: Justin Baker

  • Pingback: AprilRaye

  • Pingback: Weekly Hit List #23 » :: VFAM.COM ::

  • http://www.anotherturnofthepage.com nikkie

    yeah, being publicly broken is tough for sure.

    pride really gets in the way.

    but the restoration that comes from the broken places, when we allow Him to put it back together, is incomprehensible.

    i'm thankful for the broken places.

    great post.
    My recent post in all brutal honesty

  • Brad Clarke

    I had this same huge battle in my life a few years ago when me and my wife had separated. I had been denying and hinding a huge sin in my life… I was a thief! I, while going through a very deep depression period, stole money from a company by lying on my time card. I ended up having a warrart placed… That lie, almost cost me my marriage. My reputation was destroyed with everyone close to me. Once I finally faced the issue and allowed God to forgive me and allowing me to forgive me, restoration began. We so often under estimate the love God has for us, and His all consuming forgiveness He has waiting for us. Transparency is a huge part of growth, when we finally learn that, God begins to truly work miracles in our lives and allows our mistakes and weakness to become His Glory. For more, visit http://www.bradnd24.wordpress.com

    Again, great words and thank you for allowing God's Glory to been seen!

  • Pingback: Favourite Links Friday 6/25/10 | Shooting the Breeze