June 1, 2010 in Uncategorized with 31 Comments

You Owe Me

The Bellevue Campus of Cross Point shares a parking lot with Toys R Us and with Sonic; both of which are detrimental to our budget. A few weeks ago my son Isaiah and I were going to the Bellevue Campus and we pulled into the parking lot by Toys R Us. As we drove past and he said, “After we get done can we go to Toys R Us?” I gave him my standard answer…“Maybe.” He said, “We need to go there.” I said, “Why do we need to go there.” He said, “I have money.” I said, “Really, how much money do you have?” “I have five dollars.” “Where did you get five dollars?” He said, “You got paid today, right? You owe me!” “What? I don’t owe you five dollars.” He said, “You got paid, and now I need to get paid my allowance.  You owe me five dollars.” I said, “What did you do to earn five dollars?” He just said, “My allowance, you owe me.”

You owe me.

I can be that way with God at times. “After all I’ve done for you God, YOU OWE ME.” This heart condition is called entitlement, and it can slowly eat away at the healthiest of relationships.

Entitlement says “Why them and not me?”

Why did he get a raise and I didn’t?

Why is she getting married and I’m not?

Why did they get the deal and I didn’t?

Why am I unemployed and they’re not?

Why can she have a baby and I can’t?

Why am I getting divorced and they’re not?

After all I’ve done for you, God…YOU OWE ME.

Now don’t get me wrong…you’re thankful for grace and you’re glad you’re going to heaven, but deep in your heart you know God is getting a good deal with you. He owes you. God owes you a new job.  God owes you a faithful spouse. God owes you a loyal friend. God owes you good health. God owes you an apology, for all of the times you’ve served Him, but He hasn’t come through for you. He owes you.

Over the years, I’ve allowed entitlement to keep me from experiencing joy…

-Joy in offering forgiveness

-Joy in being generous with my money

-Joy in being content with what I have

-Joy in receiving and living in the beauty of God’s grace

When you and I live with an attitude of entitlement we want what God can give us, more than we want God.

Do you struggle with entitlement in your relationship with God? How about in your relationship with your spouse, friends or family?

About Justin and Trisha:

All Posts by  |  Personal Blog  |  Twitter  |  Facebook  |  Share By Email
  • http://intensedebate.com/profiles/drayburn Dusty Rayburn

    "Over the years, I’ve allowed entitlement to keep me from experiencing joy…"

    This is me as well. I find myself needing to return often to the place of brokenness where I realize that God has already given me exceedingly more than I am worth when He sent His Son to die for me.
    My recent post The Night is Nearly Over

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

      I want to live my life in such a way that if God never gave me one more thing, he's already given me everything.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/JasonWert JasonWert

    I understand where you're coming from on the idea of entitlement but I'm not sure I agree with the idea that asking "Why not me?" is necessarily a sense of entitlement. I look at all the Scriptures about God being a good and loving God (which He is) but when you have a miscarriage and stand there looking at your devastated wife the "why not me" isn't necessarily that we feel entitled but that we don't understand why God chose to let that happen.

    Or are you only talking in the more broad sense of the matter and I'm being too nit-picky? ;)
    My recent post My problem with the prodigal son parable…

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

      I think that when we begin to think God owes us anything, we are in dangerous territory. I know it is hard when a child is lost or children aren't able to be conceived…but when we come to God and say "I deserve this, and you owe me." I don't see any thing in scripture that says God owes us anything. Everything we have, the very breath we take, is a result of grace. I am not saying those questions shouldn't be asked and processed, but to live there is dangerous.

      • http://intensedebate.com/people/JasonWert JasonWert

        I agree with that. I know quite a few people that went from living in that place of entitlement to just walking away from God entirely. They didn't get the house they wanted or the job or the car and just decided that since God didn't care about them they wouldn't care about Him.

    • Sherry

      Wow, I had to really think about what you said. I see where you're coming from but I felt uneasy. Why? Well, I guess it get's right down to the nitty gritty. Alot of what we want has to do with other's will. Do we want God to make us robots? That broken marriage, the homosexual child, the abusive parent, ect. ect. There are times (alot of them in fact) when I wish my prayers were answered by God. Prayers that I know are in His will but once again am reminded that people are not robots and are created in God's image and that the Father doesn't always give us what we want, when we want it, even when it hurts and is unfair. That's exactly what free will is all about. Going after that one lost sheep and leaving 99 behind, leaving 9 coins and looking for the other, grabbing on to that one lost son with all His might, are the ways of God. We may not always understand but I'm glad He created us in His image even if we are not perfect.

  • Pingback: Tweets that mention You Owe Me | Refine Us -- Topsy.com

  • Lynn Steller

    I realize that I struggle with entitlement (and really all of the Elder brother symptoms) in many areas of my life. When you first gave your message Sunday I though, "I do this with others, but not with God." But in reality, in doing that to others aren't I doing it with God? If I expect something out of others because I think I deserve it then in a way I'm saying God owes me something in my life. Thanks for the kick-in-the-rear Justin, I'm glad I got it so I can work on my heart!

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

      Great thoughts Lynn..I love the connection you make between others and God…it helped me today!

  • http://intensedebate.com/profiles/jennyrain JennyRain

    I have named my entitlement the jealous little green eyed monster. I try to keep her caged, but it doesn't always work. Sigh.
    My recent post First Anniversary Hangover

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

      You are not alone.

  • http://www.jessesantoyo.com Jesse

    Good stuff bro!

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

      Thanks Jesse!

  • http://www.helpingmarriage.com Dave

    I think that the whole entitlement issue is just a symptom of selfishness. Don't get me wrong, I think that we all have some selfish tendencies, but if we let it get away with us, then we end up thinking more about ourselves instead of the other people in our life.

    As soon as you start to think about yourself more than others (including God), then you are going down the wrong road
    My recent post Stop My Divorce

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

      At the core, you are so right…and selfishness isn't the basis of any healthy relationship…with God, my wife or anyone else.

  • Guest

    Dave, you are spot-on, I believe. It is selfishness… and sanctification is a process. We must be patient with ourselves just as our Lord is with us. It can get away… we just need His grace to reel us back in.

    Our love for God can never be all we desire it to be (I want to love Him with MORE of all my heart, soul, mind and strength) and believe sanctification and His grace enables us to do just this.

    When caught up in "I, Me, Mine" serve others. :)

  • tom

    Justin and trisha- your posts are always powerful. But I do not see the questions as selfish justification, but questions born of pain and loss.

    It is not entitlement that makes you cry out .."why God?"

    It is desperation… It is in your final hours of Gethsemane, and you are not looking for entitlement, just relief. It's when your prayers to God to restore your marriage, and to change you in whatever ways are necessary to restore your family, are not answered. When your children see you on your knees, pleading and believing that God will heal…… and no help comes.

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

      I think you are talking about crying out to God out of desperation and saying why me? That is different than entitlement. Entitlement says "you owe me." Your heart are in two different places in those situations. But I do believe if you are telling God that HE owes you a child or a marriage or a job, no matter how "good" that which you are demanding is, He owes us nothing.

  • Pingback: Kimberli Nelson

  • Pingback: Dusty Rayburn

  • Pingback: Vanessa Stalets

  • Pingback: Grant Jenkins

  • Pingback: Kristen Faz

  • Pingback: Justin Davis

  • Pingback: Heidi Bylsma

  • Pingback: Jesse Santoyo

  • Pingback: Darrell Brock, Jr

  • Pingback: Jason Wert

  • http://jessicaesch.wordpress.com jessica

    Ouch, Great Post Justin!

  • Pingback: What I Thought I Wanted, What I Got Instead