July 28, 2010 in Faith,Marriage,Relationships,Transformation with 11 Comments

A New Kind of Normal

One thing that I have learned over the past five years, is that the relational quality of my marriage is often just a reflection of my relationship with God. There have been so many times that I tried to change an aspect of my marriage, or how I reacted in my marriage, without recognizing this truth and what it brought me was temporary results. I have found that I can change my behavior for a while, but until God changes my heart, its only superficial change.

Here is a list of 12 words. My guess is one or two of them may describe how you feel when you think of your marriage these days. One of these words has become normal to you.

Numb   Distant   Exhausted

Disappointed  Guarded  Absent

Dull   Mechanical   Repetitive

Controlled   Beat up   Uninspiring

For you and your marriage, distance has become the norm. Disappointment has been something you’ve learned to deal with. Dull has described your relationship with your spouse for quite some time. Beat up has become a constant companion.

You have tried to make changes, but they don’t last; they are short-lived. So you feel exhausted and frustrated and have come to see these words as normal.

Can I ask you one more question as it relates to these words? Do any of the same words describe your relationship with God? Do you feel numb when it comes to God these days? It is very hard to have true intimacy with your spouse, the oneness that God created, when you feel numb or distant or disappointed with God. There have been so many times in my life I have underestimated the spiritual aspect of my marriage and have done everything I can to “fix” it; and been unsuccessful.

What if there was a new kind of normal in your relationship with God?

Connected   Close   Energized

Exciting   Free   Inspired

Spontaneous  Life-giving   Encouraging

How much better would your marriage be if these words were the normal way to describe your relationship with God? How much richer would your friendships be? So often we try to fix our earthly relationships without taking an inventory of our relationship with God.

Is there a specific word that has become normal to you that needs to be traded for a new kind of normal?

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  • http://www.anewlifehartz.blogspot.com Lindsey @ A New Life

    So true! Whenever I am feeling discouraged or distant in my marriage it is ALWAYS because I have allowed my thoughts to shift from God and His design to my own selfishness and pride and unmet, unrealistic expectations.

    I would also add that you can't wait for the other spouse to do the same before you take this to heart~ it is each of our responsibilities to seek out that life-giving, connected, close relationship with God for our own hearts and our own growth regardless of what our spouse is or is not doing.

    Drawing closer to Him will give the strength to persevere when a marriage is unequally yoked, and will provide great opportunity to learn complete trust in God's sovereignty, and provide even sweeter reward when the example you have tried to set out of obedience begins to show fruit in your life and your spouses life
    My recent post Where Joy Lives

  • http://www.anewlifehartz.blogspot.com Lindsey @ A New Life

    So true! Whenever I am feeling discouraged or distant in my marriage it is ALWAYS because I have allowed my thoughts to shift from God and His design to my own selfishness and pride and unmet, unrealistic expectations.

    I would also add that you can't wait for the other spouse to do the same before you take this to heart~ it is each of our responsibilities to seek out that life-giving, connected, close relationship with God for our own hearts and our own growth regardless of what our spouse is or is not doing.

    Drawing closer to Him will give the strength to persevere when a marriage is unequally yoked, and will provide great opportunity to learn complete trust in God's sovereignty, and provide even sweeter reward when the example you have tried to set out of obedience begins to show fruit in your life and your spouses life
    My recent post Where Joy Lives

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  • http://www.brownsrus.blogspot.com Melissa

    Ditto Lindsey! So often we try to change our spouse, when God is really interested in changing OUR heart. A great quote that I heard Beth Moore use about marriage is "God never comes to take sides, He comes to take over" . This is so true of our marriages.

    It is a miracle that my husband and I will be celebrating 21 years together tomorrow, but all glory goes to God. He only began to heal my marriage when I stopped trying to change my husband and worried about my own relationship with Him.
    My recent post Fall Bible Study Announcement

  • http://www.brownsrus.blogspot.com Melissa

    Ditto Lindsey! So often we try to change our spouse, when God is really interested in changing OUR heart. A great quote that I heard Beth Moore use about marriage is "God never comes to take sides, He comes to take over" . This is so true of our marriages.

    It is a miracle that my husband and I will be celebrating 21 years together tomorrow, but all glory goes to God. He only began to heal my marriage when I stopped trying to change my husband and worried about my own relationship with Him.
    My recent post Fall Bible Study Announcement

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  • http://intensedebate.com/people/WindmillDuke WindmillDuke

    NICE and simple. I've given a few sermons and lots of devotionals. My soninlaw (and co-author of our book in process, Generational Fathering) is a therapist, the illustration is a good one, but this is the first time I've heard this illustration. ____In an uncomfortable coincidence, today my wife of 45 years and I had one of those "you don't understand me" spats. Distance. In a take of your comment, it was that distance that drew me to look at my distance with my Lord. Sorta like a dance, in this case we chose to step away from each other. Distance ain't good for intimate dancing. The Lord is reminding me my dance with Him was a bit remote. Like you say, distance breeds distance. Tomorrow's devotional will be followed by a step in the right direction, a hug from Him, a hug to her.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/WindmillDuke WindmillDuke

    NICE and simple. I've given a few sermons and lots of devotionals. My soninlaw (and co-author of our book in process, Generational Fathering) is a therapist, the illustration is a good one, but this is the first time I've heard this illustration. ____In an uncomfortable coincidence, today my wife of 45 years and I had one of those "you don't understand me" spats. Distance. In a take of your comment, it was that distance that drew me to look at my distance with my Lord. Sorta like a dance, in this case we chose to step away from each other. Distance ain't good for intimate dancing. The Lord is reminding me my dance with Him was a bit remote. Like you say, distance breeds distance. Tomorrow's devotional will be followed by a step in the right direction, a hug from Him, a hug to her.

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