July 29, 2010 in Character,Faith,Intimacy,Truth with 40 Comments

Lying When the Truth Would Do

I can remember sitting in a counseling session talking to our marriage counselor. Trisha and I were still separated at this point. One of the things were discussing was integrity. When you’ve had an affair, there’s no doubt that you lack integrity…but this discussion was about something bigger.

This conversation was about the origin of integrity lost; it was about how my heart initially got disconnected from Truth. At one point, our counselor said, “You seem to lie, even when the truth would do.” That statement hit me right between the eyes.

The lies I told weren’t always big lies. Sometimes I left out a detail; sometimes I added details; sometimes I embellished; sometimes I exaggerated; sometimes I withheld truth. My motivation for lying when the truth would do was to look better than I really was. I wanted to appear smarter; more gifted; more capable; more spiritual; more impressive, more lovable.

One of the things that our counselor helped me realize is that my desire to stretch the truth; to withhold truth; to embellish a story; to exaggerate details is directly connected to my intimacy level with God.

This temptation is almost like a gas gauge to my spiritual life. When I’m tempted to compromise truth, that is a red flag to me of a heart condition that I need to recognize…a distance exists between God’s heart and mine. If left unchecked being tempted to distort truth will turn into a loss of integrity.

My guess is you have the same gauge in your heart. It might not be the same as mine, but there is a signature temptation in your life that indicates danger. It isn’t something that starts out big; it’s not something that starts out destructive; it’s not something that would appear to do damage to your relationship with God or others. But you know that when that temptation hits your mind, it is a huge sign that you’ve drifted away from the heart of God. It is in that moment that so much hangs in the balance; and you have the potential to choose life or death.

So often we lose sight of the opportunities we have to avoid sin. Because of insecurity, or pride or our shallow character we don’t admit the temptations we experience. As a result they grow into destructive behavior patterns.

My prayer for the last five years has been “Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a right spirit within me.” Through that prayer, God has revealed in me the “why’s” of my sin, and not just the “what’s”.

Without understanding the motivation we have to allow compromise in our life, it is almost impossible to overcome that desire to compromise.

Is there a signature temptation that you have that indicates distance between you and God?

About Justin and Trisha:

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  • http://bethanymariesmith.blogspot.com/ Bethany Smith

    Mine is stat counters on my blog.

    They make me crazy. Those numbers matter. They become an idol. And if I were honest, =), I would say that I'm looking for a specific (wrong) person, too. I keep thinking I can handle stat counters, but… I can't. Not yet. Maybe never.
    My recent post 7 Ways to Wreck a Day

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

      Been there! I have resigned the fact that I'm not the world's best blogger. Thanks for being so honest!

  • http://bethanymariesmith.blogspot.com/ Bethany Smith

    Mine is stat counters on my blog.

    They make me crazy. Those numbers matter. They become an idol. And if I were honest, =), I would say that I'm looking for a specific (wrong) person, too. I keep thinking I can handle stat counters, but… I can't. Not yet. Maybe never.
    My recent post 7 Ways to Wreck a Day

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

      Been there! I have resigned the fact that I'm not the world's best blogger. Thanks for being so honest!

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  • Melissa

    I think my signature temptation has to do with an old wound by an old friend. I can literally go for months without thinking about her, and then all of a sudden everything will relate to her in my brain for about 2 days before I finally move the thoughts out of the way. Forgiveness isn't the issue…I've done that. But my pride will rear its ugly head and become a monster in my mind. Ooooh, it's ugly.
    My recent post A Change is Gonna Come

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

      It is hard to reconcile old wounds. So many times I think I've gotten over them, they come back when I least expect it. Thanks for sharing Melissa!

  • Melissa

    I think my signature temptation has to do with an old wound by an old friend. I can literally go for months without thinking about her, and then all of a sudden everything will relate to her in my brain for about 2 days before I finally move the thoughts out of the way. Forgiveness isn't the issue…I've done that. But my pride will rear its ugly head and become a monster in my mind. Ooooh, it's ugly.
    My recent post A Change is Gonna Come

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

      It is hard to reconcile old wounds. So many times I think I've gotten over them, they come back when I least expect it. Thanks for sharing Melissa!

  • cshell

    Man oh Man, does this hit close to home. Lying when the truth would do was just the beginning of the slippery slope.

    Just recently I had to deal with my 11 year old about lying, it seems to be a problem with him. I gave him a bunch of verses to look up on what God thinks of lying and liars, not just what mom and dad think about it.

    After he read them we sat down to talk, as I was listening to what he got out of it I broke down in tears and had to confess to him the reason this hurts dad so much is that I see ME in HIM. I don't want him to deal with the consequences that dad is dealing with today because of my lying.

    It's hard to look your kids in the face and tell them "no matter what always tell the truth" when you know your life has been one huge lie.

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

      Wow…what a powerful moment. You are breaking that cycle of sin in your family Chuck! Keep the faith and stay on the path bro!

  • cshell

    Man oh Man, does this hit close to home. Lying when the truth would do was just the beginning of the slippery slope.

    Just recently I had to deal with my 11 year old about lying, it seems to be a problem with him. I gave him a bunch of verses to look up on what God thinks of lying and liars, not just what mom and dad think about it.

    After he read them we sat down to talk, as I was listening to what he got out of it I broke down in tears and had to confess to him the reason this hurts dad so much is that I see ME in HIM. I don't want him to deal with the consequences that dad is dealing with today because of my lying.

    It's hard to look your kids in the face and tell them "no matter what always tell the truth" when you know your life has been one huge lie.

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

      Wow…what a powerful moment. You are breaking that cycle of sin in your family Chuck! Keep the faith and stay on the path bro!

  • http://www.uptoknowgood.com Sara Schaffer

    Justin, thanks for making yourself transparent and then turning your story into ours. May we all be encouraged to let God keep us close, clean and healthy!

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

      What a compliment…turning your story into ours…that is the desire of our heart!

  • http://www.uptoknowgood.com Sara Schaffer

    Justin, thanks for making yourself transparent and then turning your story into ours. May we all be encouraged to let God keep us close, clean and healthy!

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

      What a compliment…turning your story into ours…that is the desire of our heart!

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/ffandhb Chrissy

    Oh Justin. I can soooooo relate to this.

    Recently my son asked me a question. I'll be honest – I really didn't know the answer, but I definitely had an opinion about what I THOUGHT the answer should be. Immediately my mouth started going and then suddenly, as though God was convicting me on the spot, I stopped and said, "You know what? I really don't know what I'm talking about. I don't know the answer."

    And at that point, I realized that I always want to be able to answer a question if someone asks me. I never want to say I don't know. And for that reason, I often start talking out the other side of my head, saying things that aren't true. I had never recognized it as LYING, necessarily. And even that day, when I caught myself doing it as I tried to answer my son's question, I didn't consider it LYING. But today, thanks to your post, I do.

    I appreciate your honesty.
    My recent post Favorite Things Thursday – Handbag Edition

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

      Thanks Chrissy…we have all lived in those shades of gray! Thanks for sharing!

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/ffandhb Chrissy

    Oh Justin. I can soooooo relate to this.

    Recently my son asked me a question. I'll be honest – I really didn't know the answer, but I definitely had an opinion about what I THOUGHT the answer should be. Immediately my mouth started going and then suddenly, as though God was convicting me on the spot, I stopped and said, "You know what? I really don't know what I'm talking about. I don't know the answer."

    And at that point, I realized that I always want to be able to answer a question if someone asks me. I never want to say I don't know. And for that reason, I often start talking out the other side of my head, saying things that aren't true. I had never recognized it as LYING, necessarily. And even that day, when I caught myself doing it as I tried to answer my son's question, I didn't consider it LYING. But today, thanks to your post, I do.

    I appreciate your honesty.
    My recent post Favorite Things Thursday – Handbag Edition

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

      Thanks Chrissy…we have all lived in those shades of gray! Thanks for sharing!

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  • http://www.anewlifehartz.blogspot.com Lindsey @ A New Life

    I can identify with you are saying completely~ I have a vivid imagination and was left to my own devices a lot as a child, so I would make up a tons of stories to get attention because no once was noticing the real ways I was acting out trying to get help for abuse.

    Unfortunately for me, that led to years of fantasy and coveting people and lives that just were not mine. I also would portray myself as further along in my journey spiritually than I was because I didn't want to disappoint people or have them see how damaged I really was.

    It took A LOT of intense counseling and prayer for me to be released from the habit of lying, even little half truths or embellishments.

    Now I pretty much don't say (or write) anything until I've spent significant time in prayer to make sure my motivations are for God, not for me.

    Wonderful post~ and brave. A lot of people won't even admit or acknowledge this as a sin issue whose roots need to be discovered and dug out.
    My recent post In Dreams

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

      Thanks Lindsey…so glad God has taken you on that journey!

  • http://www.anewlifehartz.blogspot.com Lindsey @ A New Life

    I can identify with you are saying completely~ I have a vivid imagination and was left to my own devices a lot as a child, so I would make up a tons of stories to get attention because no once was noticing the real ways I was acting out trying to get help for abuse.

    Unfortunately for me, that led to years of fantasy and coveting people and lives that just were not mine. I also would portray myself as further along in my journey spiritually than I was because I didn't want to disappoint people or have them see how damaged I really was.

    It took A LOT of intense counseling and prayer for me to be released from the habit of lying, even little half truths or embellishments.

    Now I pretty much don't say (or write) anything until I've spent significant time in prayer to make sure my motivations are for God, not for me.

    Wonderful post~ and brave. A lot of people won't even admit or acknowledge this as a sin issue whose roots need to be discovered and dug out.
    My recent post In Dreams

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

      Thanks Lindsey…so glad God has taken you on that journey!

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  • http://fayebryant.com Faye

    My signature temptation, I guess is pride. When I get just a few inches from God, it’s like I become super critical of everyone. Especially of the way they are treating me — with total disrespect as if I don’t know what I’m talking about.

    If I don’t feel that tug and realize what’s happening, I can more right on in to pity-party mode.

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

      Pride is a huge one for me too…that is a blog post for another day :)

  • http://fayebryant.com Faye

    My signature temptation, I guess is pride. When I get just a few inches from God, it’s like I become super critical of everyone. Especially of the way they are treating me — with total disrespect as if I don’t know what I’m talking about.

    If I don’t feel that tug and realize what’s happening, I can more right on in to pity-party mode.

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/davisfamily05 Justin and Trisha

      Pride is a huge one for me too…that is a blog post for another day :)

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