Your Redemption Story-Continued

Great idea Justin…your words reminded me of Tear Down the Walls by Hillsong (which is now stuck in my head not that I'm complaining).

This life is Yours.
Hope is rising as Your glory floods our hearts.
Let Love tear down these walls.
That all creation would come back to You.
It’s all for you.

Your Name is glorious, glorious.
Your Love is changing us, calling us.
To worship in spirit and in truth.
As all creation returns to You.

But that is how I feel. My life used to be sadly, unfulfillingly all about me. It's like I wanted life to pass by in a blur. Maybe I'd acquire things along the way – a nice house, a successful career, a husband, some cool memories, some people who loved me.

I remember going to church one Sunday with a guy I was dating. And I came home teary-eyed and told him I couldn't go back to church and live the way I was. I just couldn't be one of those people who went and heard the messages and went through the motions without really letting it change me. And I wasn't ready for it to change me.

But God was faithful. He closed doors. Opened new ones. Ones beyond my imagination. Ones that led me back to him slowly. And now I feel like for the first time in a long time that life is about something so much more than me. Instead of feeling fearful of where God is moving, I am excited. I wait with baited breathe as he continues His work in me.

It's like that Bill Gaither Trio song when I used to love when I was little "I am a promise. I am a possibility."

Growing up, pursuing a career in journalism was the only thing I wanted, because truth be told, I needed it, too.

I needed the acceptance and the 'fame' of it to feel much better about myself.

But a few years ago, as I continued to study, to read and to pray, I grew convinced, it's no way to live.

I was trapped by my plan and my desire to control.

I had forgotten/never really grasped the truth that I'm not called to find my identity in what I do, but in who I am.

Here's the beauty of redemption:

In spite of my best efforts to control my career for the sake of establishing an identity I like, God has been faithful to place, in every season of my life, providential relationships: people who are consistently pushing me toward something greater — my true calling — my real name.

At 29, I have no idea what my future holds, but for the first time, I'm excited by the possibilities.

I'm starting to dream.

I'm ready to risk it all.

My redemption is truly an epic adventure of heart, mind and soul.
My recent post Monday Junk

I've had prayer from different people at church after telling them my full story and from friends. I've had my own conversations with my Lord and I feel like I have a completely different purpose. I have a story to tell, something that people can relate to because they've/''re going through something similar or maybe they've/'re going through something not as bad. If I can say, I choose the Lord and not the chaos maybe they will see that they have a choice in the matter. I have a story of redemption and about leaving the past in the past but not forgetting it so that I can build from it.

Right now I am going to build myself up in His word and wait until He can use me. It has already started yesterday when a friend of mine who was away from Christ came back to Him after going to church with me, no one could get her to go for the longest time and yesterday was the first time she's been in a long time. I just ask that you all pray for me and pray that the Lord uses me in whatever way he sees fit.

AMEN

I thought I had a testimony to share last time but nothing like the one I have now. I've heard pastors speak on spiritual warfare but had no idea of what it was until my life spiraled out of control. I didn't even realize I was going through it even while in the heat of the battle. I pray that I do not fall again but if I even THINK I'm going to do so I just pray and I don't separate myself from His people or His word. I did that last time and hit ROCK BOTTOM. I could have easily went to someone at my church then we have excellent resources for all types of issues.

I have a couple of parts to my story that really show God's redemption…its probably easier to link out to them
(1) Surviving an abusive marriage (3 parts):http://jennyrain.wordpress.com/2010/03/17/meet-wi…
(2) Growing up with a homosexual father (3 parts):http://jennyrain.wordpress.com/2010/04/12/will-th…

My recent post Let’s talk about Sex, Baby…

What a wonderful idea, Justin! Thanks for all you and Trisha do for individuals and marriages and for being so open and transparent with your own brokenness.

My own Redemption Story still takes my breath way. Melody and I were in ministry and married for 11 years when my addiction to pornography and online chat rooms ripped our family apart. Due to my infidelity, we divorced in 2002.

By God's AMAZING and wonderfully scandalous grace, we remarried in October of 2008 after MUCH recovery on both sides.

Here is a video of us sharing the details of our journey:

<object width="351" height="193"><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true" /><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always" /><param name="movie" value="http://vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=5538490&amp;server=vimeo.com&amp;show_title=1&amp;show_byline=0&amp;show_portrait=0&amp;color=00adef&amp;fullscreen=1&quot; /><embed src="http://vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=5538490&amp;server=vimeo.com&amp;show_title=1&amp;show_byline=0&amp;show_portrait=0&amp;color=00adef&amp;fullscreen=1&quot; type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowscriptaccess="always" width="351" height="193"></embed></object>Story of Marriage, Divorce, and Reconciliation from Traylor Lovvorn on Vimeo.

We also have told our story in an interview with Covenant Eyes that was released as 4 podcasts. That interview can be heard by clicking here. You can even see how much we changed from our first wedding in 1992 to our second wedding celebration in 2008!

Thanks again for your wonderful ministry

So I just saw a tweet about this..and it's funny because I just blogged about my story and the freedom in telling it. I don't want to go full on into it (it would be too long), but God broke me and wrecked my life for the better. I was hurt as a child, and the ramifications of that one incident spiraled into a huge mess as I got older. I grew up in the Christian faith, and have loving family, but my mind was just messed up. I got caught up in lust-in the things that I watched, and it has been such a struggle. Yet, God continued to show me his unending love, and I continue to feel the healing of past wounds through the sharing of my story.

If you want to read my post about it..check here:http://ineffablegod.wordpress.com/2010/04/14/my-s…

After 9 years of marriage, my husband had an affair. I found out in January. He is still living a life full of deception and despair. He is confused, lost, and angry.

I am in the middle of what is likely to be a very long story of redemption. I trust God for our marraige and for the life of my husband.

Please share your story with me. I love the encouragement of hearing what God has done!

I actually posted this on my blog 2 weeks ago:http://massivetruth.blogspot.com/p/how-i-met-that…

I love that Christ transcends technology to establish relationships with people we will most likely never meet in real life. There are many, many stories with the same plot: God's salvation through Christ.
My recent post Apostle's Creed

I will apologize now for the length of this . It might take up a lot of your page. Sorry!
My life changed at the age of 12. I grew up the oldest of two girls with a dad who worked all of the time. At the age of 12, my dad moved out of the house. My mother didn't have a college degree so we were forced to sell our house and move in with my aunt, uncle and their 4 kids. We lived in their basement for a year and a half. At the end my mother received a job teaching preschool and Kindergarten. We moved out on our own and started a new life. It was during that time that I learned how much strength and love my mother had for my sister and I. Little did I know what would happen 8 months later. My mother began her first year of teaching with excitement, love, and a passion for educating young children. 8 months later, she and my sister were gone. A terrible car accident took their lives. My mother was 37, my sister was 10. Here I was, 14 and totally lost. What do you mean my family was taken from me? What was I supposed to do now? My Plan A was ripped from me. I moved in with my aunt and uncle who already had 4 kids. They took me with open arms and with it came the baggage of a 14 year old girl who had lost everything. I coasted in my life spiritually and academically. I was a "good girl" so I still went to church but I was numb. I was mad at God. He took the most important things in my life from me. How could He just take my Plan A away from me? So I graduated high school and went to college. I drowned my sorrows in partying and socializing with people at college. I was empty and felt useless. I straightened up a little and graduated college. I got a job teaching preschool, just what my mother did. I was proud to graduate college but once I got a job, I was looking for marriage. Once again my “Plan A” changed. Marriage didn’t come. That was a struggle for me. All of my siblings are married, most of my friends are married. It was a struggle to be in a different situation than my siblings were. God began working on my life. He is teaching me to rely on Him. To put down my hurt, my sorrow, my walls and Trust Him. To love Him unconditionally in every moment of my life. As I look back on my life it's been 11 years since the accident. I have made some significant gains but I still am learning and suffering. That day will always be in the back of my mind. Every time someone loses someone I mourn. I feel that pain all over again. I struggle to know why God let me live. Over the years I have learned some things. I have learned how wonderful and amazing my family is. I have 4 siblings now who love me as if I've been with them since I was born. I am a proud aunt of 4 (soon to be 6) nieces and nephews. I have a job as a preschool teacher. I get to do what I love and realize how much of my mother I have in me. I get to see God change the lives of my students. I get to see God change me every day. Although I have struggled with accepting that my Plan A is gone, I wouldn't trade it for the world. I would go through the process over and over again because it has made me the woman I am today and I am proud to be called God's child. He is still opening doors and stretching me to grow in ways I never imagined.

From my Blog posted January 2010:
A year and a half ago I began to deal with the mess my life was in. I turned to GOD. Being a PK (preacher's kid) all my life, I was use to being in church, and in God's word. I had grown some as a Christian over the years, but I never knew how little I had grown. I was in church every time the doors were open. I sang in the choir, taught Sunday School, lead VBS, even worked in our church library. I was involved in the activities in church all my life. But, was that what God wanted out of me? Apparently NOT!
I did not have a clue as to a real relationship with the Father was like. Oh, I thought I knew him. I prayed, didn't I? I went to church, and said my prayers. But, I had no idea the LOVE, let me stress that word again, L-O-V-E that our Holy Father has for us!!! Romans 5:8 "but God showed his great love for us by sending his son to die for us while we were still sinners"

My recent post Even a Great Husband Makes a Very Poor God

Continued:
The word LOVE appears in the King James Version over 300 times alone. If you add up the other forms such as loving, loveth…etc, there are over 500 times love is referred. So I believe that God is LOVE. If his word is about love and he tells us he loves us, and how we are to love each other, then….. shouldn't we read this book!__The bible is our direct communication with God the Father. I never knew this and I was a Christian. I heard it said, but I did not KNOW it. It took my life going through a RADICAL change to awaken me to some simple truths. I needed Christ more than HE needed ME! Go figure. I think I thought I was doing him a favor showing up and "working" at church. But, man I was blind. I needed HIM! I was on the floor, face down, couldn't lift my head, and low and behold……….. I prayed……….. and He heard and I felt such love engulf me…. makes me want to shout right now just thinking about it! LOVE lifted ME! My SAVIOUR lifted ME!
My recent post Even a Great Husband Makes a Very Poor God

continued:
God has some RADICAL CHANGES to make in my life. Thank God, he loves me enough to help me make the necessary changes I need to make. And, He is there to be with me step by step, minute, by minute, side by side.
"The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Deuteronomy 31:8 (NIV)
My recent post Even a Great Husband Makes a Very Poor God

Thank you to everyone sharing their stories. It's so encouraging to see the ways God has shown up in your lives!!
My recent post Pay attention even when Anne Jackson didn't post on it today…

here are some words that explain my past:
abused. divorced. dirty. abandoned. rejected. hurt. broken. rebelled. proud. druggy. partied. bisexual. hated God. run away. experimented. hard-hearted. pained. lost. wanted to die. hopeless. broken. sinner.

got pregnant and left alone. desperate for change.desperate for hope.

found my way back to the arms of God. little did i know He was chasing me down all along. God has now given me a huge heart for reaching out to people, especially to the ones that i was once like. to share the Hope, the Redemption, the Healing, the Grace and also the Holiness that i have found in Him. whether it's through coffee conversations or through the pulpit… my passion is to go and make disciples…teaching everyone (including me) to obey all His commands. as long as there's one hurting person out there…it means God's heart is still breaking… and my job is still not done.
the process of being restored and made whole has been beautiful and painful at the same time. being chiseled into the image of His Son is not comfortable, but it's such a great honor that i bear His name. i pray i will always remember the price that was paid for me… so my eyes will always remain on the Eternal Prize and not on earthly things. (everyday is a constant struggle to not get caught up in the busy-ness of life) but i try my best to make the most out of my everyday miracles till the day i meet my King face to face.
My recent post 4.11.10 victory.

i am anxious to read all these comments! i have to take them in chunks when i have the time, but i want to read them ALL! God is so CRAZY AMAZING!!
my short story:
husband and i were church planters. church started about a year and a half ago. struggling church plant.
january 19, 2010, during a fast we were doing with our church, my husband confessed to me had had an affair in the fall.
my heard broke in ways that are indescribable. the pain was unbearable. the shock and betrayal was hard to comprehend.
it's been a hard, painful road.
but God has met me in ways i have NEVER experienced or known Him before. God has been healing my intensely broken heart. He's healing me from this but also from so much from my past that I have never fully dealt with.
God is healing our relationship. my husband was, and is, broken by God. he is a different person. God is creating him to be more than he ever was before.
there is still a LONG way to go. and this will be with us forever.
BUT
we have decided to renew our vows on our 11th wedding anniversary, June 5. we want to commit to this restoration of our marriage. we want to give God all the glory for what He has done so far. we want a new start to a new marriage.
we know the work will never be done. we know that God will forever be working on us, redeeming us….but we want to celebrate what He has done.
I NEVER thought I would be in this place right now. God has taken two insanely broken people, who were willing to submit to Him and follow Him no matter how hard the road, and He is walking with us through it all.
ALL the glory is HIS!
My recent post It’s a lot to carry

Ok, here goes…

I never wanted to be a wife or a mom. Well, not really – no kids and didn't want to marry until I was in my '40's. I envisioned and planned my life for the following:
1 – Work in NYC as a fashion queen & as a producer for major fashion designer or retailer – potentially via LA (I'm a San Francisco native).
2 – Travel back and forth to Europe on a regular basis (work and leisure)
3 – Do mission work to South America (partial to Brazil and other areas under political siege).

I was headed toward all that… until I hit the early mid-life crisis at the ripe young age of 25 – I could feel God putting new dreams in my heart and after fighting a while, I gave in.

At 25 I…
1 – Quit my job in the fashion industry – was fed up by the petty lifestyle pressed upon us to live up to – could clearly see that it was not where God wanted me.
2 – Pursued a childhood dream and got my pilots license – began traveling the West Coast instead of Europe.
3 – Went to Costa Rica for mission work (ok, that one wasn't too far off)

New dreams at 25…
1 – Still had little/no interest in marrying or being a mom
2 – Increase my flying skills to work with the Department of Forestry in firefighting (actually spotting) in either the Sierras, Colorado or Montana/Idaho areas. Love the mountains and outdoor recreation. And I wanted to be Maggie from Northern Exposure.
3 – Still to do mission work in South America

At 28…
1 – Relocated to Nashville by freak offer in the music biz that tragically ended almost immediately after arriving / met my husband immediately and married him just 10 months later.
2 – Working in marketing/PR for real estate… huh???? No career in aviation in site now.
3 – Still hoping to travel / work with missions in South America

At 37 (now)…
1 – Wife of almost 10 years and mom for 4 years – WTH!!!!!!
2 – Own my own business consulting in areas of business image for new and existing companies (see a relevance in fashion coming back around???)
3 – Still dreaming of going to South America.

Today, I am…
Somewhat freaked out – heck, I'm STILL in Nashville!
Enjoying being a wife and mom – but only to one and we're stickin' to it.
Learning and doing more in business than I ever thought I could do.

Dreaming of expanding my career into tv journalism…perhaps that's my road to South America…

Move over Anderson Cooper!

PS – I'm really learning to enjoy the journey God is leading me on. Every time it seems to waver in a new direction, He circles things back around… it's very cool to actually see that!

I was so scared and so afraid to fail, but God clearly spoke to me at my lowest point (in the Walmart bathroom stall no less!). I was asking Him…ok, honestly…TELLING HIM…"if you make this all work for me, I will tell EVERYONE I know how great you are. I will tell everyone how you rescued me!" and as sure as I am sitting here now, I felt God in my face saying so loudly "TELL THEM ANYWAY". I laughed and then I cried so hard. The people in Walmart thought I was crazy! So….on that day Out of the Ashes Photography was born. God has given me the chance to show who He is through my pictures. I believe He has bigger plans for me than I ever imagined. The moral of the story is that my God is a God who provides and my God is a God who does what He says He will do. AMEN and AMEN.
My recent post Doing God's work….

I was doing so great on my journey, then had a major setback. I was baptized for the first time 2 yrs ago and joined my first church ever, and its a great church.. I was apart of one of the worship ministries and found joy in the Spirit of the Lord. Then all of a sudden it seemed that people that were being put in my path were the worst kinds, not to fully blame them for anything I did. But I was attempting to speak with them about my Lord and tell them of His greatness. All the while they were sharing their "good news" of the life I once lived. I started listening to them more and to my Lord less until I was almost fully blocking Him out.

…cont

i've been thinking lately about sharing my story on my blog, but haven't really known how to go about it. i think i can tend to over-complicate the storytelling, when it really comes down to this:
Raised in Church, but not by the Church. PK, DK, MK, youngest of 3 & bi-racial parents. my mom came from an abusive/alcoholic home, my dad from a silent/indifferent home. i was sexually abused by a relative when i was child and i have little memory of it, and little to no memory of my youngest years at all. i've been singing solos in the church since i was a kid, even in the adult choir as a pre-teen. i was a tool for the church, little white girl who sang like Mahalia Jackson. they used me… a lot. i grew up in a mostly african-american neighborhood in Miami. my father was extremely fearful for my safety and i wasn't allowed to play in the front yard & was rarely allowed to go to friends' houses since most of them lived in the city projects. this was their mission field (we moved there when i was 6 mths old from Los Angeles). we had no relatives in Florida, so furloughed missionaries became our family.
i went to a christian school because there were riots at the public schools. my grandmother paid. it was a southern baptist, we were AG. i have a well-known uncle that was a healing evangelist internationally and that brought on lots of persecution at school.
when my parents decided to leave the church we attended for 19 years, vicious rumors were spread and the leadership did everything they could so that my parents could never be on staff in that city again. we started going to calvary chapel fort lauderdale… it was quite refreshing.
A couple of years later, my grandmother died, left an inheritance, and we moved back to Cali. we started serving in churches. i chose a small, cult-like church… i had no idea i had such vulnerable tendencies and the rest of my family started doing what they do… guest speaking at churches, conferences, etc. i experienced more spiritual abuse at the cult church and stayed for 7 years. i began to think i was crazy. i remember the night i planned my suicide, i cried myself to sleep and had a dream about my funeral. i woke up with a peace i had never experienced before, put on Lauren Hill's "I Get out" and gathered my belongings (i lived on campus at the church). i got in my car and left. [Since then I have served in 2 other churches (more unpleasant experiences) and 2 years in france as a missionary (amazing growth).]
my redemption story is that i had no identity. i never knew where i fit. i went to find my identity in the church (time & time again) and they mishandled, used, & abused me. The church made me feel “crazy” & the church was my biggest abuser. but God, through all of this, has revealed who i am in Him, apart from the system/institution. i have also grown to love the Church again and to return, gifts in hand, heart softened. it's like, their goofiness may never end, but we are here to serve the purposes of God within the Church or if necessary, without the church. i am looking and hoping and praying and wanting to reconnect. I have anxiety about returning sometimes, but I am no longer looking for them to rescue me, place me, or grow me… I am just looking for a community of authentic people to live out my story with.

My recent post Church Rehab with Dr. Drew