August 20, 2010 in Authenticity,Identity with 30 Comments

So Long Public Opinion

There are few things in this life that are more exhausting than living for the opinion of others.

I lived most of my life for the opinion of others. Trying to impress others. It was pointless in the end.  When I had an affair, was separated from my wife, resigned from the church I pastored, waited tables at P.F. Changs, and only saw my kids a few times a week…I realized that living for what other people thought of me was a miserable way to live. It was exhausting.

Maybe you are there…right now. You are worn-out. You are weary. You have forgotten who you are because you have spent so much time trying to be something for someone else.

You are tired:

  • Tired of performing
  • Tired of persuading
  • Tired of impressing
  • Tired of posing
  • Tired of faking
  • Tired from your past
  • Tired of fighting for approval
  • Tired of trying to make up for your mistakes
  • Tired of proving yourself
  • Tired of not being seen for who you really are

Maybe you’ve lived so much for the opinion of others you’ve lost sight of God’s opinion of you:

  • Your past is forgiven
  • Your future is secure
  • You are loved for who you are
  • Your true self is all God desires
  • Your mistakes are wiped clean
  • Your performance doesn’t earn God’s love
  • Who you are is impressive enough

My prayer for you today is that you will find life and energy and purpose in pursuing God’s opinion of you.

In what area of your life is it time to say “so long public opinion”?

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  • unimportant

    After my affair, I had hours upon hours of conversations with people about what I should do, how I should act, what I should think, and how I should feel. It was so much information that I started to overload on it. Suddenly I couldn’t find anything valuable in their wisdom anymore and I thought something was wrong with me. So I told myself to just do anything and everything I was told, and maybe then things would get better. Maybe then, I would start to feel like myself again. Maybe then, I could walk down the street and not feel like I was being stared at and judged.

    After a few years you might think I would have learned and moved away from this type of thinking….but the desire to gain some type of respectable image and reputation causes me to fall into the same traps everyday. Will I ever get over people’s opinions of me, I just don’t know….

  • http://www.movingthroughlife.wordpress.com Joseph

    What the hey Justin??? It is totally like you and I have had this huge discussion on my life and you keep posting about it. Creepy how it works that way.

    For me, it is so long to the really negative people that work for me. They can be venomous, mean spirited and dis-respectful. I find myself constantly letting it wear me down and out because I am trying to please everyone. Today I am going to try and say, so long.

    If you need future blog post ideas we can grab coffee or chat in the car rider line at school :)

  • http://reflectionofgrace.wordpress.com/ Brandi

    I never comment, but this is exactly where I’m at and I SO needed this right now. Thank you.

  • http://artiedavis.com ArtieDavis

    Great post. All the time, whether we admit it or not, we still struggle with this. I love your list!

  • Melissa Irwin

    I think I have already bid farewell to public opinion. I really think so. I hope I’m not kidding myself. :-)

  • http://www.jcwert.com Jason Wert

    What’s harder is that we seem to live in a society where everyone is told their opinion really matters and carries weight regardless of the situation. Then if you don’t take their opinion and go with it, you get scorn, criticism, negativity, etc. because you’ve put God’s opinion or that of trusted, Godly friends ahead of Joe Internet hiding behind a screen name.

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  • http://refineus.org/ Justin and Trisha

    First of all…you are not unimportant. Secondly, it is one of the thing we tell couples all the time…LIMIT the voices in your life during this time. You have to find a few people that you trust, that offer wisdom and listen to them. Every one will think they know what is best and right for you, but at the end of the day…only you and your spouse can listen to the Holy Spirit.

    It took me two years after the affair to get to a point where I didn’t walk with my head down, in disappointment. It is a journey…but with God’s help you can get there. I am praying for you.

  • http://refineus.org/ Justin and Trisha

    :) Sorry Joseph! I spent 3 years working in an environment just like you describe. For me, it was daily praying that God would help me find my identity and my value in him and not in those around me. I’d love to do coffee sometime :)

  • http://refineus.org/ Justin and Trisha

    Good for you Melissa! It is a journey!

  • http://refineus.org/ Justin and Trisha

    That is awesome Brandi…thank you for commenting today. Praying for you.

  • http://refineus.org/ Justin and Trisha

    I guess I’ve just made a decision to not allow Joe Internet affect me at all. I spent so much time trying to impress people that don’t like me and I don’t like…those days are gone.

  • Cherilyn Clayville

    This is SO true and it was something I needed to be reminded of. It’s so easy to slip into the role of doing what others tell me to (which may be good advice) instead of listening to God’s view. Thanks for posting!

  • http://onechoiceatatime.wordpress.com Michelle Sabados

    “Who you are is impressive enough.” …I needed to heard this today. Thanks. :)

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  • http://refineus.org/ Justin and Trisha

    So glad it spoke to you today.

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  • Ani

    I love it how you turned all the bad thoughts into how God thinks about us. I love the last one “Who you are is impressive enough”. Thanks.

  • http://refineus.org/ Justin and Trisha

    Doing what others tell me to do is often the greatest enemy to doing what God longs for me to do.

  • http://refineus.org/ Justin and Trisha

    It is impressive enough. I hope to live in that today too!

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  • unimportant

    Thanks for your encouragement, it’s always good to read the words God has put on your heart…it’s good to know there are others out there who have carried this particular sin on their shoulders.

    Justin, I feel our stories are similar in many ways but very different in others. I was in ministry as well and had an affair with my (ex) wife’s best friend (who was also married to my best friend). There’s so much to my story, but writing it out would seem pretty crazy to me.

    I suppose the truth of it all is that I didn’t try as hard as you did to save my marriage, and in truth, I walked away from it. I’m remarried now, and probably with no surprise to you, i’m married to the woman I had an affair with.

    I don’t want to sound disillusioned or anything like that, I know what I did was wrong. I have seen the hurt I caused to others, and while I can’t fully understand it, it still breaks my heart. None of us are made to be part time parents, I truly believe that; but that is what my wife and I are now, part time parents. I’ve watched my daughter cry out for her mother when she’s with me, and the guilt pierces me like nothing else ever has. I not only ended my marriage, but my actions helped end another. I also hurt my church family tremendously, both staff and members…but at that time I was only thinking about myself. And in that time I had never felt so singled out, it was like my affair was written in the newspaper or something.

    So when I tell you my story, I hope you don’t think I’m being arrogant or brash…I’m not trying to sound that way at all. I’ve actually had people come seek me out for advice in the middle of affairs they were having themselves. I tell them to hold fast to God and do everything they can to save their marriages. (As well as much more, but again, writing it all out seems crazy to me right now) But deep down I wonder if their thinking, “what a hypocrite. This guy married the person he committed adultery with! He has a happy life, happy wife, good job, house, nice truck, four beautiful daughters; everything seems to have worked out with him.” These thoughts make me feel so out of touch with God and ministry of any type. I’m not sure I could ever really help anyone with their marriage issues anymore, I mean honestly, who’s going to take me seriously? And maybe the truth is, I have no business helping others in this situation, I just don’t know…I just don’t know.

    Sorry, I’m rambling now. Thanks again for your kind words and support…

  • http://www.chasingafterme.com/ Dawn Bryant

    So, so timely. I just had a conversation with my husband today about this topic…almost exactly. I grew up as a child of an alcoholic…actually 25 years of my 34-year-old life. I took the route that was about perfectionism and earning accolades to cope. Now, I’m left with a coping mechanism that doesn’t work in real life. I likened it to running a race, but being on the part of the trail where you don’t have anyone cheering for you…and you have to look somewhere else for the strength to carry on. I’ve been stewing on a blog post about that analogy all day…but now that I read this post as encouragement, I may just have to rip off the band-aid and write it all down. Thanks for the candor!