October 25, 2011 in Life,Marriage with 24 Comments

In Pursuit

An object in possession seldom retains the same charm that it had in pursuit.” -Pliny the Elder

One of the biggest changes we have made in our marriage over the past 6 years in our pursuit of one another. It isn’t that we intentionally stopped pursuing each other…it just kinda stopped. The thrill of the chase faded. The romance of our relationship went away. Neither of us felt like a priority. We were obligations. No one gets married to be an obligation. What do you do when your marriage doesn’t have the charm it used to have?

Pursue. Start pursuing. If you aren’t pursuing your spouse…something or someone is. Work. Facebook. Friends. A lady at the office. A guy at the gym. A mediocre marriage. Something is pursuing.

Where do you start? Here are three things that have worked for me to pursue Trisha. (Ladies, Trisha will be speaking to you later this week.)

-Write a note. You remember notebook paper? Not an email…a note. Like you did when you were in college. Remember the poems you used to write her? Remember how special she felt when you bought her a card for no reason and wrote a note inside of it? What if you wrote her a note and left it next to the coffee pot before you go to work? What if you put a note on the front seat of her car? What if you stopped on your way home from work and got her a card and gave it to her when you got home?

-Send a text message. Not a picture of yourself without your shirt…a thoughtful text message. For the first 10 years of our marriage, every time Trisha would call me during the work day, I would make her feel like she was interrupting me. I would be short with her on the phone; act like I had more important things to do; or return email or type while she was talking. It was the opposite of pursuit. If you take the time during the day to send your wife a text that tells her that you are thinking about her, the words will probably mean less than the time you took to send it. She will feel pursued.

-Scripture on the mirror. There are times that I feel prompted to share a verse of Scripture with Trisha. One of the things that I have done for a while now is writing the scripture out on her bathroom mirror with a dry erase marker. It takes very little time, but what it communicates to my wife can’t be measured. As you lead your wife spiritually, she will feel pursued by you emotionally.

These are 3 ways that I have learned to pursue my wife…what would you add to the list? Help some brothers out!

About Justin and Trisha:

All Posts by  |  Personal Blog  |  Twitter  |  Facebook  |  Share By Email
  • http://kathyfannon.blogspot.com Kathy Fannon

    I think an important thing to remember is love language. In our sessions with Pastor, he keeps encouraging my husband to leave notes, just as you have…by the coffee pot, on the car seat or even tucked away in a drawer that I “might not find for months and then will be puddle-eyed” when I find it. Thing is, notes aren’t a big deal for me. They’re nice and I like them, but I’d much rather have him sit next to me on the couch with his hand on my leg while we watch TV or put his hand on my back when we’re sitting at the dinner table, because touch is my love language.

    Either way, if you guys are at least trying, we’ll give you credit. Anything you do for us is appreciated! :)

    • http://refineus.org/ Justin and Trisha

      Such a great point…on all fronts Kathy.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1159393776 Elena A Bowling

    These seemingly small suggestons have more weight on a woman’s heart than guys could ever know.  Love ths!

    • http://refineus.org/ Justin and Trisha

      Thanks Elena.

  • http://twitter.com/ConvergeCares Brian Stankich

    Pray with her at bedtime.

    • http://refineus.org/ Justin and Trisha

      Boom…good stuff.

  • http://www.ordinarygirlextraordinaryjourney.com/ Kate

    As a wife, I agree with all of these examples! I am looking forward to Trisha’s post!

    • http://refineus.org/ Justin and Trisha

      Trisha will be posting tomorrow.

  • Chris

    Great post. For my husband it was a guy at the gym, so those words hit me hard. I know a note would mean a lot to me. Pursuit in marriage is so important. Thank you for sharing.

    • http://refineus.org/ Justin and Trisha

      Thanks Chris for sharing.

  • cshell

    In a funk right now…needed this.  I’m so selfish at times it sickening.

    • http://refineus.org/ Justin and Trisha

      So glad God showed up in the post for you.

  • Cindy Beall

    Good stuff, Justin!

    • http://refineus.org/ Justin and Trisha

      Thanks Cindy.

  • BrandonF

    Buy her flowers!

    Great post by the way. I always need the reminder!

    • http://refineus.org/ Justin and Trisha

      Thanks Brandon.

  • Joy herdson

    If we all took a personal responsibility to treat each other with respect and put our spouses first as friends – there would be no need for anyone to tell us to leave notes. Come on folks we’re adults, – grow up!

    • http://refineus.org/ Justin and Trisha

      Sometimes it isn’t that easy.

      • Windyseas

        I agree. Not always easy. For me, a little affirmation and encouragement go a long way. It can change the entire tone of my day. Especially if it is from my mate!

    • Mike

      Yeah I triple agree. We have been Christians our whole marriage and yet we forgot how to communicate and pursue. It is very subtle and before you know it, there is a chasm between you and your spouse. But the enemy is very cunning and will make sure that someone/thing will be there to fill those voids. Great post Justin

  • http://www.eileenknowles.blogspot.com Eileen

    Love that quote at the top.  Great thoughts, thanks!

    • http://refineus.org/ Justin and Trisha

      Thanks Eileen.

  • Pingback: The Difference Between Wanting and Choosing | Refine Us

  • Mom J

    My love language is words of affirmation.  However, I just love when Pops makes me laugh — you know the kind of humor where you can’t stop laughing and even later when you think about it, you start laughing all over again.  There’s just something about it that’s endearing to me.  Great post Justin :-) )