I Thought Marriage Would Be…

Today’s post is from our friend Brian Clayville. Brian is married to Jenni and together they serve in ministry in El Paso, Texas.

You can follow Brian on Twitter
You can follow Jenni on Twitter

You can check out Jenni’s Blog

We so grateful to have Brian and Jenni as a part of our RefineUs marriage coaching team.

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I thought marriage would be simple bliss. But in reality, marriage has stretched me and challenged me in every aspect of my being.

From the time I was a young child, I knew I would get married one day. Through childhood programming, I decided that the mid-twenties is the earliest one should be married. So, as I went through my short time at college and then into my first job, I had no thoughts of looking for a wife. It was my time to enjoy life with no serious commitments. Then at 25, I met Jenni and quickly fell for her.

I knew marriage would not be all simple bliss, but I had no concept of how big some of our blind-spots were. Neither of us could imagine the impact of emotional damage that Jenni had endured in her 22 years and still needed to heal from. All of these things were lurking just under the surface, waiting to be exposed through the process of marriage.

I describe marriage as a process because that is what it is. It’s a refining process that God has designed to help us reach our full potential as His children. He wants us to operate at the highest level possible. For us to do that, we need someone in our life that knows us on every level. Not only knows us… but is willing to be honest with us and love us through the refining years.

If we aren’t teachable, many of those years can be ugly with short burstful moments of beauty. If we are learning and growing at a decent pace, the beauty should begin showing through more frequently. And if we are teachable, moldable and humbly submitting ourselves to refinement… with time, beauty should be the norm.

God has taught me that I cannot judge motives simply by how I feel in the moment. Instead, He has taught me:

• Growth and intimacy can come more quickly if I’m willing to sacrifice my pride to better understand my bride.
• That I need to lead spiritually and risk being uncomfortable for my family’s spiritual health.
• My marriage is vulnerable and I must be engaged and in pursuit of growth everyday.
• But most importantly, God has taught me to protect my bride from emotionally damaging people no matter how close these people are and how difficult this may be.

Marriage CAN be simple bliss with unbelievable intimacy… but the foundation has to be properly built around God’s plan for refinement of our individual characters. Without the basic ground work being done, marriage will always be a struggle and seem like hard work.

My marriage experiences this simple bliss at times. It’s awesome when Jenni and I are clicking in this way. In all honesty, I am still being refined and sometimes I refuse to submit to the process or I refuse to take the uncomfortable role of leadership that is needed in the moment. I don’t give up. I fight on because the goal is worth the challenge.

Join me in refining yourself so you can experience “Simple Bliss” in your marriage.