A Fight You Must Have In Marriage

There is a huge lie that infiltrates all marriages. For years, we bought this lie hook, line and sinker. We thought the things we struggled with, the arguments we had and the issues we faced, were unique to us.

My guess is you’ve experienced this same feeling. You feel like what you struggle with, no one else struggles with. The arguments you have, the feelings you feel, the fears you face are unique to you. Don’t buy that lie. Don’t make the mistake of isolating yourself because you believe no one could possibly understand; because the truth is, couples have dealt with the same issues before, and some have even come out stronger on the other side.

What you need to know is that you are not alone. The things you deal with, everyone deals with. The problems you have, everyone has. The question you’ll have to answer is when you experience problems, issues and conflict, how will you respond?

A few weeks ago, I was having lunch with a friend who was having some problems in his marriage. He began to walk me through their issues, and they weren’t unique or different or unsolvable. They were real and they were serious, but not exclusive to their relationship. At one point in our conversation, I said to my friend, “What you need to do is fight for your marriage. You are more willing to fight for your career than you are committed to fighting for your marriage.” He replied, “It’s easier to fight with her, than it is to fight for her.”

If I can encourage you to do anything, it’s to fight for your marriage, whatever the cost. Great marriages don’t just happen. You have to fight for it. Marriages drift. Intimacy leaks. Romance fades. You have to fight for these things. What I have seen in my own marriage and in the marriage of so many others is exactly what my friend admitted: often it is easier for us to fight for things in our life that mean so much less than our spouse:

  • We fight for our career
  • We fight for a bigger house or nicer car
  • We fight for the approval of others
  • We fight for that promotion
  • We fight for our status
  • We fight for a business deal

It’s so easy to get consumed with life, to spend the best hours of our day fighting for the things that won’t matter in the end. Somewhere along the way, the person that means the most to us gets the least amount of care from us. It will be easier to fight with them, than it will be to fight for themKeep fighting.

Your wife needs you to fight for her. Your husband needs you to fight for him.

If you want a great marriage, you have to fight for it. If you want to experience intimacy and to be known by your spouse, you will have to fight for it. If you want the marriage you promised to have on the day you said, “I do,” it won’t just happen, you will have to fight for it.

Today, be reminded that God is fighting for you. He is fighting for your spouse. He is fighting for your marriage…every step of the way.

9 Responses to A Fight You Must Have In Marriage

  1. Pingback: Crossing the Great Divide | The fragrance of marriage!

  2. Pingback: A Marriage Fight | Second Chance Pastor

  3. jmann124

    I’ve heard people say, fight for your marriage, but what exactly does that mean and how do you fight for it when you were asked to leave and haven’t been home in 4 weeks? How do you fight for a marriage when your spouse keeps saying she needs space? To me, you don’t get that kind of space in a marriage.

    • Kjung8r

      If she asked you to leave the house and she is stating that she is “needing space”, go ahead and prepare yourself because she is having an AFFAIR!! That “needing space” statement is a classic excuse to get space in order to have the affair.

      • Justin and Trisha

        Kjung8r…I don’t agree with that theory at all. There are many reasons that someone suggests that beyond infidelity.

    • Justin and Trisha

      I am sorry for all you’re going through. My suggestion would be to seek out a good counselor and begin to fight by going to counseling. Sometimes the help of an outside perspective is needed.

      • jmann124

        We went to counseling one time. We had a good experience but it didn’t carry out any after that night. She is going to a counselor by herself, although it’s not a Christian based counselor. She was ready to have me come back home and give it 30 days to see if it would get better but her counselor told her not to rush it.

      • jmann124

        Also, thanks for the reply in re kjung8r’s comment. I need that.

    • Ashley

      Seek understanding. A book that may aid you in understanding more about your wife and the dynamics of your marriage is called “Discovering the mind of a woman” by Ken Nair. Ask God for wisdom and trust that he will give it to you. Gaining knowledge and understanding is not enough. The knowledge and understanding that God has blessed you with then must be applied. May God continue to guide you.