We Hope You Never Need Us

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A few weeks ago our family finally had a quiet evening at home.  We were getting ready to eat when my cell phone rang. It was a familiar name on my caller ID. A pastor of a great and growing church was calling me. I answered the phone and after saying hello there was a brief moment of silence on the other end. “Hello,” I said, again. Sobs. “Justin, I need…

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Separation for the Purpose of Reconciliation

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Fifty percent of all marriages in this country end in divorce. Christian marriages are no different than non-Christian marriage when it comes to this statistic. 65% of all divorces are due to infidelity. Sexual sin and brokenness bring hurt and devastation to many marriages. Restoration is possible. Many couples don’t find the restoration they desire because the thing they need most is the thing that feels the most counter-intuitive…separation. While…

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Affair Proof Your Marriage

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One of the ways God has allowed us to use our story is in helping people avoid some of the choices and some of the behavior patterns we’ve had in our marriage. I’m asked several times a week, “What can I do to make sure I or my spouse doesn’t have an affair.” So today we wanted to share five things that will protect your heart, mind and marriage. 1.     Pursue…

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Never an Excuse, But Always A Reason

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Our vision for RefineUs is to be a place that focuses on our hearts and not our relationship status. Married, single, dating, single again, remarried, or anywhere in between, this is a place for you. There are times we paint in broad strokes to speak to as many people as possible. Then there are times God lays something specifically on our heart that we want to share with a specific…

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One Year After The Affair

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Seven years ago today, everything changed. With four words, I cost my wife, family and so many around me what seemed like everything. “I’m having an affair.” With those words, my sin was exposed and life as we knew it came to an end. Over the next two days, God would crush my pride, give me a heart of repentance and lead me to an amazing Christian counselor. It would…

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The Progression of an Affair

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There are people that specialize in accident reconstruction. They go into a situation and reconstruct every detail of an accident to give an explanation of exactly how the accident happened, the cause of the accident, and most importantly-how the accident could have been avoided. What was preventable? Were there warning signs? What could have been done before the accident so the accident didn’t happen? A few hours, days, weeks after…

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Friday Repost: 5 Things You Must Do If Your Spouse Has An Affair

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{ We are reposting this post today as a resource for you to pass on to those you know who are in this situation. This week alone, several people have reached out to us because they found out their spouse was unfaithful. Our heart breaks with every story.  We’d be honored if you would share this message with as many people as possible. } The pressure of writing this post…

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If You Don’t Want to Have An Affair

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One of the ways God has allowed us to use our story is in helping people avoid some of the choices and some of the behavior patterns we’ve had in our marriage. I’m asked several times a week, “What can I do to make sure I or my spouse doesn’t have an affair.” The first thing I say to them is, “If you want to make sure you never have…

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Regret and Remorse

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On Tuesday, Trisha and I had the opportunity to speak at the Velocity Conference in Atlanta. (Thank you guys so much for your prayers and your words of encouragement.) We spoke to about 800 church leaders. It was an out of body experience. Three years ago, we lived in Indianapolis, not sure if God would open a door to return to ministry, and on Tuesday, spoke to ministry leaders. Only…

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The Real #1

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Over the last few days we posted our top five viewed posts of 2011. As I was doing the research to determine the top five posts of last year, I was shocked when I saw the single most viewed post of 2011. This post wasn’t even a post that was written in 2011 so I didn’t include it in the top 5.  In fact, this post is almost 2 years…

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