Every few months, we get emails from different publishers or literary agents asking if we would be willing to review a book that their author has published. We only say yes when the book is something we are interested in or could be a resource for you.

A few weeks ago, we got an email about a book called Sons of Grace. Honestly, I had never heard of the author, Mark Hughes, (author of Buzz Marketing) but the title of the book intrigued me. The request wasn’t for us to review the book or promote the book, but simply asked for our address so they could send me a copy of the book to read. I agreed and a few days later, received the book in the mail.

Redemption is a story only God can write. That is what makes redemption so beautiful…it is God’s thing. He is the master of redemption. He is the author of grace. As I started reading Sons of Grace, I was captured by the story of redemption. Not just one story, but 10 stories.

Sons of Grace is a book of stories. It is a collection of personal encounters with Jesus that redeem and restore in unmistakable ways. Hughes allows nine men to share their story of grace and second chances. The stories are not only compelling, but they remind me of my own need for grace.

A gang member that is serving a 50 year sentence in prison for murder, turned himself in after he felt God speak to Him and now serves as a pastor in prison. There is the story of a guy finding Christ after being in the Mafia. A former drug addict. A father that is angry with God because of the loss of his son.

The best way I can describe this book is: real, raw and redemptive.

What I loved as well is that Hughes shares his story in the final chapter. He didn’t murder anyone. He hasn’t served time in prison. He was a successful business executive and author, but a lousy husband. In fact, he almost lost his marriage because he was so in love with himself. His story of grace and life change hit home with me.

After reading the book, I got really excited about partnering with Mark and his team to help get the word out about this collection of grace stories. Next week, I’ll be interviewing Mark and sharing that with you.

Today, I’m excited that Mark and his team are allowing us to  give away the PDF version of Sons of Grace. 

No strings attached. Completely free!

Download Sons of Grace Here

What if your biggest mistake was known by everyone? What if the worst mistake you’ve ever made was on every news channel; on every web site; on the front page of every news paper; was the lead story on every network?

What if your darkest moment was on display for everyone to see; to criticize; to pronounce judgment?

As a human being, as a father and as a sex abuse victim myself, there is no way that I condone the choice Joe Paterno made to not do more to protect children from Jerry Sandusky. That was a huge mistake. There is no excuse for that choice. None.

But why is it easy for us to magnify a person’s failure and minimize their accomplishments? Why are we quick to point to all that is wrong with a person and overlook all the good they tried to do in their lifetime?

Why is it easy to forget about the sin that rages in our hearts and salivate at the opportunity to point out someone else’s sin?

Sexual abuse takes place in our world every day. Sexual abuse takes place in our city every single day. Statistically speaking, sexual abuse takes place in most of our neighborhoods every single day. I have done nothing about it this week; this month; this year. I am not aware of a specific instance, but I am aware of it. How responsible am I?

It makes me sad that we feel better remembering a person for the mistakes that they made rather than the good they have done.

Maybe the truth is we try to make our own legacy look better by pointing out the imperfections of others. If the truth were told about each of us, we all have a tainted legacy.

When we truly focus on the grace given to us by Christ, we are able to see our own need for a second chance and live with eternal gratitude for it. 

Almost every day we get emails from people who are experiencing the pain, loss and devastation of an affair. They are wounded and hurt and don’t know what to do or where to turn. They want their life back; their marriage back; their spouse back. Often as we read through the emails and then begin to correspond with the man or woman that sent it there is a belief that at some point in the future, their spouse will make up for all the pain they caused. When their spouse makes it up to them, then they can move on; then they can forgive; then they an rebuild. This expectation will always leave a void in a persons’ heart. Because if your spouse has a sexual addiction; if your spouse has had an emotional affair; if your spouse has had a physical affair, there is nothing they can ever do to make that up to you. When making up for it is the expectation:

• You will become a suspicious person
• You will become a resentful person
• You will become an insecure person
• You will manipulate and guilt trip to get your way
• You will live out of fear and worry

The bar can never be set high enough for you to find the redemption you are looking for. When you are waiting for your spouse to make it up to you, they will always fail and you will be left searching for one more thing that will make the pain feel better. The redemption you are looking for can only be found in Jesus. You trying to find your own redemption through your spouse’s performance will never give you the marriage you desire.

For as many emails we get from spouses that are devastated, we get just as many from spouses that are broken and desperate. They are the ones that cheated; they are the ones that have a sexual addiction; they are the ones that broke their marriage covenant. They want help; they want their marriage back; they will do anything to make this up to their spouse. If they could just prove to their spouse how sorry they are, then that would make up for all the hurt they have caused. There is only one problem: You can never make up for it. You will never be able to say enough or do enough to make up for it. It isn’t possible. When a spouse starts to live with the mission of making up for it:

• You work really hard to not make your spouse mad
• You walk on egg shells cause you know you were the one that messed up
• You don’t give your opinion or feedback because you don’t feel like you have that right
• You constantly feel guilt and shame for all the mistakes you have made.

Living in a performance based marriage will never build intimacy.

Here is the truth…you can’t make up for it. You can’t redeem yourself. The redemption you desire can only be found in Jesus. When you spend all of your time trying to perform and make up for your mistakes, you rob God of the work that He needs to do in your heart.

The answer is grace. It is grace that provides redemption. For the spouse that is hurting, it is offering forgiveness. It doesn’t mean trusting, but it does mean forgiving. The power that forgiveness has to bring redemption is greater than anything you can demand.

For the one that has done the hurting, it is receiving grace and living out of the forgiveness that Christ offers. It is only in that forgiveness that you can find the freedom you desperately need.

Each year during the week between Christmas and New Years we post the Top 5 Posts of the previous year. Today through the end of the year, we will post the top five posts of 2011. We hope you enjoy this short recap of the year and can’t wait to see all that God does at RefineUs in 2012.

_______________________

Like everyone else, I was overloaded with Twitter and Facebook updates yesterday reacting to the Casey Anthony not guilty verdict. People were outraged. People were appalled. Christians were blasting the judicial system; the judge and the jury. A lot of Christians were speaking as though they were the judge and jury.

I have not followed the Casey Anthony murder trial very closely. I know that there is some pretty incriminating circumstantial evidence. I know that according to what I’ve seen on TV, the case against her was pretty strong. I know it appears that she is getting away with murder. Based on all I’ve seen, I think she is. It is a scandal.

Everything within me says, “I can’t believe she is getting away with this.”

Then there is another voice in my head that reminds me of all that I have gotten away with. The lies I never got caught in. The lust that no one ever knew about. The hate I never showed outwardly. The jealousy I masked with self-righteousness. The consequences of sin I somehow escaped. But she (allegedly) killed her daughter. That is different than my sin. To me it is…then Jesus equates hating with murder and I know I’m guilty.

It is then that my heart remembers the scandal of my own “not guilty” verdict. When I deserved the death penalty, Jesus took it. When I deserved to pay for my crimes, Jesus stepped in and took my place. Grace doesn’t make what Casey Anthony allegedly did right…nothing would ever make that right.

Grace makes me thankful for God’s injustice…that He doesn’t give me what I deserve. It makes me thankful that I am not called to be the judge or jury, because I am at the center of my own scandal of forgiveness. This verdict is a reminder to me of how outraged most people would be if all of the sins of my life were known and the world was told that Jesus found me not guilty.

What are your thoughts, not only about the trial but about grace?

But when the set time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those under the law, that we might receive adoption to sonship. Galatians 4:4-5

You don’t have the capacity to redeem yourself, but you do have a Redeemer.

You don’t have the capacity to change yourself, but you do have a Transformer.

You don’t have the ability to forgive your sins, but you do have a Forgiver.

You don’t have the power to heal yourself, but you do have a Healer.

You don’t have the strength to sustain yourself, but you do have a Sustainer.

You don’t possess enough control to protect yourself, but you do have a Protector.

You don’t have the capacity to deliver yourself, but you do have a Deliverer.

You don’t have the power to create yourself, but you do have a Creator.

You don’t have the ability to fix yourself, but you do have a Restorer.

You don’t have the strength to save yourself, but you do have a Savior.

Thank you, Jesus for Christmas. Thank you for creating, restoring, delivering, protecting, sustaining, healing, forgiving, transforming, redeeming and saving. It is truly a Merry Christmas.

Six years ago today, my amazing wife Trisha and I renewed our vows. I have never shared this publicly, but a week after the affair was confessed I received an envelope from a lady in our church. Inside the envelope was a note from Trisha and her wedding ring. I don’t remember the letter word for word, but I remember her overall message: Our first marriage has died. I need God to give me a vision of a new life with you.

Six years ago today, she chose me again. She gave me a second chance. Two months after I crushed her heart, she said “I Do” again. New vows. New rings. New beginnings.

I didn’t deserve a second chance. I didn’t deserve to stay married. As I sit here and think about it, I still don’t deserve a second chance. I still don’t deserve to be married. That is amazing thing about grace…it offers what we don’t deserve and can’t earn.

When I look at the pictures below, they aren’t about a blog or a book or a marriage ministry.

They are simply about a family that is so grateful to God for grace and second chances. That is what we are celebrating today. The incredible gift of a second chance.

Thank you for being a part of this community. We believe with all of our heart that no one and no marriage is beyond the gift of a second chance.

I (Justin) was sexually abused when I was a kid. I was sexually abused by more than one person. I told others that I was sexually abused and those individuals either didn’t believe me or felt like there was nothing they could do about my situation.

I don’t live in the past. I don’t relive the abuse. But I am affected by it. There are scars from it. Even if I had never experienced sexual abuse hearing some of the details of the alleged sexual abuse by Jerry Sandusky would make me sick. Being a victim of sexual abuse makes the details extremely hard to hear. My heart breaks for the kids, many of whom are adults  now that experienced the alleged sexual abuse.

My heart is also broken for Joe Paterno. He has spent the last 45 years building his name. He has spent the last 45 years obeying the NCAA rules. He recruited the best players within the confines of the regulations. He ran a clean program. He graduated players. He won the right way. He has spent the past 45 years building a program; building a culture; building a legacy. That all ended on November 9, 2011 when Joe Paterno was fired as Penn State’s head football coach.

Fired not for what he did, but for what he didn’t do. He didn’t do enough to lead. He didn’t do enough to protect. He didn’t do enough to speak up for those that weren’t strong enough to speak up for themselves.

This whole situation reminds me that everything we are building on this earth can be lost in a moment. It can be lost because of what we do. It can be lost because of what we choose not to do.

The reputation we work so hard to build. The people we bend over backwards to impress. The 401k we kill ourselves to grow. The possessions in which we find our value as we accumulate. We can work so hard to build all of it and yet lose it so quickly. 

Grace is the only thing that lasts. Grace is the only thing that transcends all of our earthly building. Grace is something we can’t accumulate; we can’t build; we can’t achieve. It is given freely. It costs Christ everything and yet is free for each of us.

It is something that took an eternity to build and is something we can never lose.

For that, I am truly grateful.

Six years ago this week, I was anything but a church leader. I was a church wounder. I was just a few days removed from telling my wife of 10 years that I no longer wanted to be married to her. I admitted to an affair that devastated every person that I loved and that loved me. I was living four miles from my house with a family friend, praying that God could put the pieces of my wife’s heart back together…the pieces I created when I shattered it.

I had worked so hard to be a church leader. I was so insecure that growing a large church for me was the one way I could guarantee respect. When you are driven by insecurity and fear, it doesn’t matter how successful or big your ministry is, it is never enough.

Six years ago ministry went away. Church leadership went away.

Over the past two years, God has blown us away with His provision and grace in restoring us back to ministry. The honor that I have to serve at Cross Point is something that I will never take for granted. The way that God has used RefineUs to reach into the heart of men and women and marriages is something that we thank God for everyday.

A few days ago, I received an email from ChurchLeaders.com asking permission to reprint an interview that we did for Outreach Magazine. The timing and the details washed over me. It is only by God’s unmerited redemption that He could use our story to help church leaders. It is only by His grace that church leaders could read of our struggles, know of my failures and realize that they are not alone. Church leaders hurt. Church leaders fail. Church leaders have problems in their marriage. Church leaders feel the pressure to not hurt, fail or have problems in their marriage. Our prayer is our story brings hope to church leaders.

As I reread the article they posted, I was reminded that God doesn’t have to redeem…He chooses to. My prayer is the article doesn’t just help church leaders lead better it inspires them to live better.

If you’d like to read the article or know of a church leader that needs a dose of hope today…here is the link:

My First Affair Was With The Church

Earlier this morning, Dave Ramsey posted this on Twitter:

I unapologetically fire people for extra-marital affairs. It’s a biz decision. If their spouse can’t trust them, how can I?

I love Dave Ramsey. Trisha and I are very, very close to being completely consumer debt free because of her hard work and his principles. He is an employer and has every right to fire people for anything. But as I kept thinking about his statement, what kept coming to my mind is just because you have the right to do something, doesn’t mean it is always the right thing to do.

From a business standpoint, firing a cheating spouse may be the best decision.

I think my opinion is skewed because I’ve been the beneficiary of such extravagant grace from Christ, my wife, my friends, my church…the list goes on and on.  While the consequences of my choices where painful and severe for those I love and for me, personally…It was grace that brought change to my heart.

Consequences do teach powerful lessons. But it is grace that gives us the power to change.

What are your thoughts? Do you agree or disagree?

A few days ago, I was asked by People of the Second Chance to participate in their Never Beyond Poster Series. Here is what the poster series is all about:

POTSC is launching the NEVER BEYOND Poster Series: 25 posters representing well known historical, current and fictional characters who are believed to have harmed society. This campaign consists of digital and print posters and the full collection will eventually be displayed as a touring art exhibit.

The campaign draws out themes of forgiveness, grace and what a pathway to a second chance looks like.

It is a nice Christian thing to say, “No one is ever beyond the grace of God.” We feel more spiritual when we say it. It sounds really, really good. In our head we think it is true, but in our heart we argue with those words even as we say them.

There have been times, if I’m honest, that I’ve felt beyond God’s grace. I’d gone too far. I’d messed up too much. That’s sad. What is more sad is the times I’ve written off others. The times I’ve been judge and jury. The times I’ve given an eternal sentence to people at the grocery store; on the street corner; on television or in my own family. There have been so many times that despite what I know to be true about grace, in my heart I knew they were beyond it.

The first poster in this POTSC series is Casey Anthony. I wrote a post the day of the Casey Anthony verdict because I wrestled with this whole thing of “Never Beyond.” Here is part of that post:

Everything within me says, “I can’t believe she is getting away with this.”

Then there is another voice in my head that reminds me of all that I have gotten away with. The lies I never got caught in. The lust that no one ever knew about. The hate I never showed outwardly. The jealousy I masked with self-righteousness. The consequences of sin I somehow escaped. But she (allegedly) killed her daughter. That is different than my sin. To me it is…then Jesus equates hating with murder and I know I’m guilty.

It is then that my heart remembers the scandal of my own “not guilty” verdict. When I deserved the death penalty, Jesus took it. When I deserved to pay for my crimes, Jesus stepped in and took my place. Grace doesn’t make what Casey Anthony allegedly did right…nothing would ever make that right.

Grace makes me thankful for God’s injustice…that He doesn’t give me what I deserve. It makes me thankful that I am not called to be the judge or jury, because I am at the center of my own scandal of forgiveness. This verdict is a reminder to me of how outraged most people would be if all of the sins of my life were known and the world was told that Jesus found me not guilty.

The truth is that there is no one beyond the grace of God. But there are people that are beyond me extending grace. I want Jesus to change that in me.

Question: Do you have someone in your life right now that you feel is beyond grace?