It is so easy to allow things of this world to define us. It is so easy to find our identity in people, possessions or careers. I want to take just a minute to remind you of a very important truth:

You are more than your income

You are more than your mistakes

You are more than your marital status

You are more than your addictions

You are more than your past

You are more than your level of education

You are more than the person you pretend to be

You are more than the house you live in

You are more than the abuse you experienced

You are more than your temper

You are more than your regrets

You are more than what you do for a living

You are more than the size of jeans you wear

You are more than a stay at home mom

You are more than a single dad

You are more than the names you’ve been called

You are more than your guilt

You are more than your bank account

You are more than your loneliness

You are more than your gifts and abilities

You are more…  Romans 8:37   No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.

We are coming up on the five-year anniversary of my affair. Five years since we lost so much. Five years that we have been gone from the church we started and love. Five years of hard work. Five years of reshaping dreams. Five years of mercy and second chances.

In many ways it has been a long five years. In so many others, it has been the best five years of our lives and marriage. October 9 is a day that we used to dread. By God’s grace and redemption we will celebrate that date again this year.

I can remember sitting in a counseling session one afternoon. The pain of my choices, the guilt in my heart and the hurt I had inflicted on Trisha and our kids was so overwhelming, I didn’t know if I would ever recover. My counselor looked at me and said, “If you are willing, and if you will surrender, five years from now, you will be better for this.” There wasn’t one ounce of me that believed him.

So what is the supernatural formula? What is the magic pill? How can you get through what it is that you are going through and be better for it five years from now?

For someone reading this today, you just found out about your spouses affair. Someone else…you are buried under a pile of debt so large even bankruptcy seems insufficient.

Maybe your marriage has crumbled so much that you’ve lost all hope.

For someone reading this today, your addiction to pornography drives your choices, your marriage and your relationship with God. You are a slave.

Maybe you’ve made some horrible relationship choices and you feel guilty and alone and unworthy.

What if I told you that if you are willing; if you will surrender, five years from now, you will be better for this! Would you believe me?

How can you get there?

One. Day. At. A. Time.

There is no magic formula or fast track to healing and wholeness. It is a daily process that if you choose, will mold you and shape you into the man or woman God created you to be.

Each day that you feel overwhelming sadness and you take it to Jesus, he meets you there. Every day you wake up consumed with guilt, remember and live in the truth that you are offered grace.

Every day that you feel in bondage to your debt, Christ offers you freedom. Every day that you feel hopeless in your marriage, God offers to change you into more of the spouse he has in mind. Every day you feel like a slave to your addiction, you can choose courageous confession and transparency that will loosen its stranglehold around your heart. Every time your heart aches from a broken relationship, Christ offers to redeem that heartache and recreate your heart.

Will it be easy? No. At times, it will hurt like hell. Will you have to make tough choices and sacrifice? Everyday.

Will it be worth it? More than you can imagine.

If you are discouraged today…don’t give up. If you are ready to check out of your marriage, don’t stop fighting. If you are overwhelmed with guilt and shame, don’t discount grace. If you are ready to resign to your addiction, don’t underestimate the freedom God can bring.

Every minute, every hour, every day the choices you make matter. What you are going through now can be restored and redeemed to bring you wholeness and God glory.

One. Day. At. A. Time

Is there an area of your life that you need to live one day at a time?

On Sunday, I walked into my office after the last service at Cross Point Bellevue and saw my 11-year-old son, Elijah typing on my computer. He knows he isn’t supposed to touch my work computer, so it was about to get intense. My assumption was he was on Facebook so I quickly walked into the office where I could see the screen. What I saw blew my mind and brought me to tears.

Here is what I saw:

Life Achievements

1. Get straight A’s from 6^th grade through my senior year of college.
2. Be with God and never fall into the earth’s temptations.
3. Be obedient and show respect to others.
4. Have friendships with Christ-centered people that will not let me turn to the right or to the left.
5. Get an academic scholarship to Ensworth (a private high school in Nashville) at the age of 13.
6. Get a scholarship to Lincoln Christian University.
7. Start a church and never try to impress others, just change hearts.
8. Get married and have children and always show them that I love them.
9. Stay pure and never abuse my kids or my wife.
10. Stay healthy through out my life time.
11. Build an orphanage in my backyard.
12. Help my kids achieve their dreams no matter what.
13. RISK EVERYTHING!
14. Give everything to God, because it all belongs to Him.

Are you serious? This kid can use my work computer whenever he wants. Honestly, I was speechless. I still don’t know what to say about this list. My wife is obviously a great mom!

I feel like God has impressed one question on me that I can’t shake. The question is this: “How are you going to help him achieve this list?” What am I doing as a dad to help the orphanage be built; to help the church be planted; to help him find Christ-centered friends; to stay pure; to be with God; to risk everything?”

Here is what I know today…all three of my boys have a list like this. My other two may not type it out, they may not voice it, but God has written a list like this on their hearts. My wife has a list like this. I have a list like this. You have a list like this. Your wife has a list like this. Your husband has a list like this. Your child has a list like this.

I have an assumption today that I believe is true. As you were reading the list, one or two resonated with your heart. One spoke to you.

One of his life achievements is also one of yours…either from 20 years ago or from right now.

So I’m asking for an all-skate today. Will you share with us which life achievement is most relevant to your life, and why?

Last night, Trisha and I had a chance to go out for a fun night at Zainies Comedy Club. Three comedians came together to provide an evening that would benefit Flood Relief Fund. It was a great night.

Susan Isaacs is a lady that I had heard a ton about. Trish was able to hear her when she did the Million Miles tour with Donald Miller. She lived up to the hype!

The very last thing she said is what made the biggest impression: “In all honesty, God TRASHED my life. And it has been the best thing that has ever happened to me.”

My friend Pete said it like this in Plan B: “God will strip you of everything so that he can attach your hope to him.”

I don’t know what you’re life looks like right now, but maybe you are in a season of being stripped of hope. Maybe you are in a season of feeling trashed. Your relational world is upside down. Your financial world is out of control. Your career has come to a stand still. The dreams you had for your life haven’t panned out like you planned.

As we were leaving I said to Trisha, “I wish I could bottle TRASHED and give it to people.” There is something so freeing about being trashed. Coming to the end of yourself only to find the God you’ve been longing for all along is a gift of grace.

I just want to encourage you today. If your marriage is trashed; if your life is spiraling; if you wonder when God is going to come to your rescue; if you have more questions than answers today…embrace the trashing. Be open to being stripped of everything you place your hope in other than God.

It will hurt like hell today…but will be the best thing that has ever happened to you in time.

Any season of TRASHING you’ve seen turn into a treasured time?