For the past year, we have felt God leading us to write a book. There are so many great books on marriage, that even though we sensed God leading us to do this, it was overwhelming and intimidating.

As we prayed about this, God kept bringing us to the Parable of the Talents. The servant that was given one talent chose not to honor his master with what he was given. Instead, he lived in fear and buried the talent, hoping not to fail.

What we sensed God saying is that our story isn’t ours at all…it is His. We are called not to bury it but to share it with as many people as possible to bring glory to Him and restoration to the lives of others.

We can’t thank you, our RefineUs community enough. You have encouraged us and believed in us in ways that words can’t express. We are so thankful for your love and support.

On Monday, we completed our book proposal, and will be talking with publishers over the next few months. More than anything else, we covet your prayers. We have no clue what God is going to do with this, but we have surrendered it to Him.

Thank you in advance for your prayers and we will report back to you the future of the book.

Is there something that you sense God calling you to do that you are resisting?

A few years ago, our middle son Elijah wanted to play baseball. He had never played before and it was a coach pitch league. The coach was awesome and would have the boys over to his house outside of practice time to work on batting. Elijah struggled with hitting early on. He just couldn’t get his timing right. He would go to practice and he would go to the extra batting practices so he could be ready for his first game. The day of his first game he was pumped. He had put in the practice. He had made improvements. He had new batting gloves…which was most important to him. His first at bat…strike out. Second at bat…strike out. Third at bat…strike out…fourth at bat…strike out…finally his last at bat comes and we just know that this was his at bat…strike out. He immediately walks out of the batter’s box and comes over to me in the stands and just collapses in my lap.

This is a picture that my sister took…as he just said over and over to me…”I’m never playing baseball again. All I do is strike out.”

Maybe today this picture is a picture of your life and your relationship with God right now. You have struck out. You have messed up. God was writing His story with your life. He was using you and you had purpose and you had dreams and you had a vision for what your life could be…but you struck out.

Your business failed; your marriage ended; your finances fell apart; you lost your job; you failed morally; you didn’t make it as a musician or singer; you had an abortion; you dropped out of college…you’ve struck out. What’s happened over the course of time is that you no longer believe in a God that re-creates. You no longer believe that God wants to write your story. You are a failure. You strike out…that is what you do.

Two of Jesus’ best friends failed him. Judas betrayed Jesus. Peter denied Jesus. Both failed. Both struck out. One chose to be defined by his failure. One chose to be re-created after his failure.

Peter became a new person. Judas allowed his failure to kill him. Maybe your failure hasn’t driven you to kill yourself…but you’ve allowed your dreams to die…you’ve allowed your vision to die…you’ve allowed God’s purpose for your life or your marriage or your career to die…you’ve allowed the heart that God longs to re-create to die.

God longs to re-create you today. God longs to give you a new vision….a new dream…to restore your passion and your purpose.

You are not just as good as your last at bat…

You are set apart. You are gifted. You are valued. You have purpose.

Three years ago I sat in a Starbucks in downtown Indianapolis talking with an old friend. Mark and his wife have played a huge role in our life, in our marriage and in our ministry. I worked for Mark for three years. He is the founding and senior pastor of Oakbrook Church. I’ve always looked up to him. He spoke truth into my life. He was an encouragement to me. He was the first person to tell me that I had the gift of teaching and he wanted to help me become a better teacher; a better leader; a better pastor.

In this moment, I sat across from him trying to explain the slow fade of my character that lead to the affair. It was a tough conversation. I had that feeling you get in your gut when you know you’ve disappointed a coach or a teacher or a parent. I knew he loved me…but I knew he was disappointed.

He asked me a question that I still think about today: “How are you going to make this up to Trisha?”

I didn’t have an answer. How do you make up something so big? I simply said “Mark, there is no way I can ever make this up to Trisha. All I can do is allow God to redeem what I will never be able to redeem.”

I didn’t realize at the time how much I would need to repeat those words to myself. Guilt is powerful. Shame can control you.  Disgrace can consume your heart. Somehow it is easy for us to come to a place where we think we can redeem ourselves. We can make up for our mistakes. We can erase the past.

If we can be better…if we don’t lose our temper…if we don’t look at pornography again…if we can not be so controlling…if we can not gripe as much…if we can do our part around the house…listen more…come home earlier…work less…make less mistakes…Then somehow we can redeem ourselves. We can even the scales. We can make everything right.

When you and I try to redeem ourselves, we humanize grace.

Will you allow me to speak to your heart today?  You can’t redeem yourself.

You weren’t created to be the Redeemer. As you are trying to redeem your past, you are carrying the weight that only Jesus Christ can carry. You are trying to be your own messiah.

Jesus offers not just to save you from your sins, but also to save you from yourself. Allow him to bring the redemption you long for.

The truth is you can’t always make up for the past…but God can redeem your past if you will let Him.

Do you struggle with trying to redeem yourself?

October 9, 2005 the morning began with a beautiful sunrise. I (Trish) had woken-up at 4:30AM knowing I had to be at church by 6:30AM for rehearsal. Two hours and a brand new outfit was surely what I needed to make myself beautiful. I thought to myself “If I make myself as beautiful as possible then I know he will choose me.”

Church began and I found myself on a stage singing words like “How great is our God.” It was all I could do to lead and not run off the stage in tears. Then Justin spoke. He was sick and losing his voice and I remember him speaking as if all was well. Then it was time for that last song. I’m not sure if I sang it with a heart of desperation or just complete numbness.

I’m guest posting over at my friend Jenni’s Blog today for Affair Week.

YOU CAN READ THE REST OF THIS POST HERE:

Yesterday, I read this tweet by my friend Lindsey:

“Do ever think a/b how crazy blogging is? You write something, anything. Then folks gather around & enrich it by adding their voice. I like”

That got me thinking. Each week Trisha and I try to be faithful to the vision of RefineUs by sharing God’s story of redemption with you. But what if everyone shared their stories today? What if at the end of the day today, this post is not just a post, but it is a singular story of God’s redemption in the lives of his people?

Maybe it’s the redemption of a friendship, a job, a dream, an addiction, a marriage, the loss of a child, the birth of a child, an inability to have kids, an adoption, a redeemed relationship with a parent or sibling…

Whatever hope rising through a hopeless situation looks like in your life, would you share it?

So, share your story of redemption, then Tweet and Facebook it to get the word out so others can share.

Check back throughout the day to see how many different ways God brings redemption to our lives.

Ready…Set…Go!

{We continue the series of reposts today, hoping to reach people who have experienced an affair but have a desire to restore their marriage. It IS possible. Yesterday we heard from so many people who used Trisha’s post as a resource for a loved one, friend or family member. Please pass this post along to anyone you know that might need it.}

Today, Trisha and I are continuing a two-part post on things that you must do if you want to restore your marriage after an affair. The title says 5 Things…I’ve listed 6. We have couples ask us all the time where to start this process…what MUST they do…these 6 things are where to start.

1. Totally Surrender and Repent Before God
There is a huge difference between being sorry for the consequences of your sin, and being sorry for your sin. I lived most of my life with a sliding scale of sorrow. The more severe the consequences, the more I was sorry. If you have a true desire to restore your marriage, superficial repentance won’t due. Allow God to crush you. Allow God to destroy every part of you that went numb to the pain you were causing your wife, your kids, your family, yourself. Allow Him to break your teeth against gravel, (Lamentations 3) and totally surrender and repent.

2. Cut all ties with the person with whom you have had the affair
This is a non-negotiable. I have talked with couples who have not done this, and 6 months later, 2 years later, 4 years later the emotional or physical affair begins again. Change your email address, change your cell phone number, sell your house and move, quit your job, go to a different church…whatever it takes to cut all ties with this person, you must do.

3. Submit every minute of your life to a trusted friend
For the first two months after the affair came out, I didn’t have much contact with my wife, Trisha. We were separated. I didn’t know if our marriage would make it, but I wanted to be a different person, even if she decided to divorce me. I would call the people I was staying with or text them with every move I made during the day. “I am working at PF Changs from 11-2, I am stopping by Starbucks to meet with Jeff, I will be to the house by 4PM.” I had lost the ability to be trusted and honestly, I had lost the ability to trust myself. I knew that I needed complete transparency in my life. Grace is free, but trust is earned.

4. Get to a Christian counselor that specializes in marriage restoration
This was a huge step for me, and for our marriage. My wife had asked me to go to counseling on several occasions before the affair. I was too proud to admit we had problems that I couldn’t fix. Initially, I went to counseling every day but Friday, for about a month. We then went 3 times per week for about 4 months. It was hard, it was vulnerable, it was uncomfortable…but it not only saved my marriage, I think it saved my life.

5. Come clean early and often as you try to rebuild trust
As you begin to uncover the lies and the deception of your affair, your spouse will have a lot of questions. TELL THE FREAKING TRUTH! For the first 30 days of our restoration, I held back parts of the truth I thought would be too hurtful, too damaging, too much for Trisha to handle. HUGE mistake. What your spouse needs is for all of the lies, all of the half-truths, all of the second guessing to go away. Only the light of truth can penetrate the darkness of lies. The more you tell the truth and the earlier in the process you share that truth, the more opportunity you give your spouse to hit bottom, so they can begin to heal. (This step is listed under counseling for a reason. Your spouse will need the help of a counselor to process all of the lies that are exposed in this step.)

6. Be willing to do whatever it takes to restore your marriage
I meet with people who have had affairs and they can’t believe their spouse wants to separate. They are upset that their spouse wants to see their cell phone. They are mad that their spouse has asked them to shut down Facebook or wants their password for their email. Give me a break! If you aren’t willing to quit your job to save your marriage…something is wrong. If you aren’t willing to stop traveling to save your marriage…something is wrong. If you aren’t willing to stop chatting over Facebook to save your marriage, something is wrong. If you have broken your marriage covenant with an extra marital affair, and you are saying you want to restore your marriage…put your money where your mouth is!