I’ve (Trisha) been trying to write this post for the past week. When I try to write, my thoughts are so deep and heavy I’m afraid to put words to them. I’m searching for words to make my thoughts feel lighter and safe but I can’t. Instead I’m going for honest and raw and praying somehow Jesus will land them softly into your heart. I pray you will read the entire post knowing my words will get lighter.

I had no desire to go back into ministry after leaving our church plant in 2005. Like never. Ever! My husband Justin was making great money as an executive recruiter. I was a happy stay-at-home mom getting to finish my college degree. It had been four years of rest and restoration for our marriage and our family. I didn’t need to go back into ministry to feel my restoration was complete. I was content, happy and safe.

I’m writing today for ChurchPlanters.com. Read the rest of the this post by clicking HERE:  

We are so excited to be a part of “Velocity 2012″ put on by churchplanters.com. We have been blessed by Shawn and Tricia Lovejoy and their ministry to pastors. We can’t wait to be a a part.  Would love to see you there this February. For more information you can go HERE.  You can get 20% off of your registration by using the code: #velocity12JTDavis. Below is a post we did for their blog yesterday that I thought was pertinent for all of us as we begin the new year.

One of the most consistent enemies I have to my relationship with God is this thing called “control.” Control is my ability to believe that I can lead and guide my life, my marriage, my relationships better than God. Control always makes promises it can never keep. God doesn’t ask me to give up control because of what control will do to Him. God asks me to give up control because of what control does to me. Control will cost you. Here are three costs of control I have seen in my own life.

1. Control will deceive you.

Control will cause us to believe our earthly desires carry a heavenly purpose. God wants me to be happy. God wants me to be successful. God wants me to be comfortable. God wants me to have a bigger house. God wants me to get remarried. God wants me to have a good job. God wants me to be fulfilled. God wants me to be satisfied. It’s not that these things aren’t true; it’s that they aren’t as true as God’s ultimate desire for you. God wants you be holy more than he wants you to be happy. What happens is we begin to justify our decisions based on what we want, not on what God says or desires for us.

It’s why we end up thousands of dollars in debt. Control deceives us. It’s why someone reading this today is considering leaving their spouse for a guy at work. Control is deceiving you. It’s why there is a guy reading this today that has thought about leaving is wife and kids for the old girlfriend he’s talking to on Facebook…control is deceiving you. It’s why people spend 90 hours at work and very little time investing in their family…control deceives them. It’s why the bigger house didn’t make you a better husband. It’s why the nicer car doesn’t make you feel more successful. Control deceives us.

2. Control will exhaust you.

The 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous lay out a way of life that is the greatest single vehicle to freedom for addicts of alcohol that this world has ever known.

This is what is interesting to me…in which of the 12 steps does it say, “Now try really hard not to drink.” None of them. The most powerful tool against the most powerful addiction in the world never asks people to decide to stop doing what they have to stop doing. They do not mobilize their will…they surrender their will.

Control will exhaust you. Control will convince you that you have to overcome your problem, your baggage, your wounds. You can behave your way to a better life; a better marriage; a better relationship. Jesus says surrender your life.

I heard Rick Warren, pastor of Saddleback Church, say one time, “Most Christians think they become more like Christ by trying, but it actually happens by dying.” Maybe you are just tired today…you are exhausted from trying to control every aspect of your life; your marriage; your career.

3. Control will rob you.

Control will keep you up at night worried. Control will rob you of joy in your relationships. Control will cause you to lose hours, days, years of your life to stress and anxiety. Control will convince you that more money, more possessions, more relationships, more success will give you the life that God created you to have…and control will make you think you are gaining the whole world…while you lose your soul.

What do you need to let go of in 2012?

I’m ashamed about how many years I wasted being an insecure leader. I compared my leadership with others. I compared the size of my church with others. I compared my speaking ability with others. The problem with the comparison game is that you always lose…you will never be good enough.

Earlier this week, I read THIS BLOG post from my friend Shawn Lovejoy. I love this quote from the post:

We don’t need to become secure in our leadership; but in His! We must become secure in His ability to do everything HE wants to do in and through us! Sometimes we just need hear that. We need to be encouraged and reminded that God’s calling and His plan for our lives has not changed! It’s so important we get secure about who we are, who God as uniquely called us to be, and what God wants to do uniquely through us.

Shawn’s heart for pastors and church planters is one of the many reasons why Trisha and I are excited to be a part of the Velocity Conference.

It’s only $79 to register for the conference. If you are a pastor or church-planter, we hope to see you there. Find out mroe INFO HERE.

Over the past few days, Trisha and I have shared two posts encouraging spouses to pursue one another. There is a weird dynamic that takes place in most marriages: most drift to a place of ordinary. We don’t intend to go there; we don’t set out to stop pursuing; it just kinda happens.

In my post, I gave three ways that husbands could pursue their wives.
Trish, shared three ways that wives could pursue their husbands.

Those two blog posts are good examples of a what you can expect with a new resource we are launching in a few months. In January, we are launching a new resource called MentorUs. The goal of each MentorUs email is to give practical, honest advice on how to move from the marriage we have to the marriage we desire. MentorUs is a weekly subscription you sign up to receive that will be delivered to your inbox. In addition to the practical advice of the content each week, there will be a Scripture to study with your spouse, discussion questions to talk about together and suggestions on how to immediately implement the principle discussed. Once per month, Trisha and I will send you a short video with teaching and discussion questions.

Between now and the end of the year, we are discounting by 50% the cost of a year’s subscription. We’d love for you to be a part of this practical, affordable, convenient resource that will equip you to be intentional in your marriage.

There is a huge difference between wanting to change and choosing to change. This resource is designed to help those who have chosen to change.

Click HERE for registration information

If Monday sent me crashing into an iceberg then Tuesday took me on a WILD adventure. This adventure started with Zumba, involved my little iPhone and ended on the back of a little red pick-up truck. It was one of the craziest expeditions of my life!

Those who know me know I have a little bit of an obsession with Zumba. I love to dance and there’s nothing better than dancing to Latin music! So you can imagine the joy that came over me when I was greeted by a marching band playing salsa music. They even had the sweetest little girl’s salsa dancing with tambourines in hand. Shawna and I may have gotten in on the action and did a little bit of dancing ourselves (videos coming soon). Just five minuets into this wild expedition and my face already hurt from smiling.

Oh wait… then I remembered I was in one of the poorest projects Compassion has in Guatemala. We spent some time at the project where we listened to children singing and shared a hug with every child who wanted one.

IT. WAS. AMAZING!!!

But wait…. then I remembered I was in one of the poorest projects so my face should be down cast and concerned, yet instead I was overwhelmed with JOY!

My adventure took a drastic turn as I hopped in the back of a red pick-up truck to visit truly the poorest of the poor. I thought I had already experienced that, but apparently I was wrong and this truck would take me to see things I don’t have words to describe. As we turned in to the neighborhood these streets made the streets I was just dancing on seem like newly paved roads.  They were a mess.

I took out my little iPhone to capture the scene. Lost for words I just rested my head on the roof of the truck and thought “Here is where the sadness is going to hit me”. 

But as quick as this thought came the quicker it left as I entered a shack of a home. Inside the fragile walls and rain-dripping roof was a family that I believe changed me more than I changed them. My little iPhone became a mirror for these two sweet boys to see how beautiful God made them. Created in HIS image. We had so much fun as their mother showed us her killer piñata skills while the boys and I made silly faces on my phone.

Here’s what I know. I know you don’t want to read another sad story of the poor. I totally get it. I know you are over feeling guilty over not taking a packet.  I used to feel that way too. But today I was forever changed. This wild adventure allowed me to discover a treasure I didn’t even know I was looking for. I found that even though poverty often times goes beyond our comprehension and makes us feel deep sadness THE JOY OF THE LORD KNOWS NO LIMITATIONS. Today I discovered that the JOY of the Lord is the strength of the poor.

I am thankful for Compassion and those of you who sponsor for giving a gift of $38 a month to bring the fruit of the spirit of Joy!

My prayer for you is that you will allow God to take you on a wild adventure to discover JOY in an area of your life that you have resigned in your heart that only despair can reside! May the joy of the Lord be your strength!!!

PS… its really late as I write so please forgive me for any crazy grammatical errors you may will find.

The thing that I love about God is that He is in the details. Well, that is one of the things I love about Him. Last year, Trisha wrote a post about finally taking a packet, and the difference that has made in her life and in our family’s life.

I remember early on in our marriage, we took some students to a concert and she raised her hand to receive a packet to sponsor a child. We didn’t get into a fight at the concert, but as soon as we got home I was quick to shut her down and remind her that we didn’t have any extra money to sponsor a child. It was something she sincerely felt like God was leading her to do, and I wasn’t willing to go along. It was a wound in our relationship. This was bigger than Compassion; this was bigger than a monthly sponsorship; this was about control and it plagued our marriage.

When our friend Lindsey went on a trip with Compassion last year, Trisha again felt prompted to sponsor a child and took a packet. I am so glad that she did. To see how God has used this to redeem a broken part of her heart and a broken part of our marriage has been awesome. I got to Skype with her last night, and there is a glow about her as she tells me the stories of all that Compassion in doing in some of the most challenging parts of the world.

Our marriage isn’t perfect. I still struggle with control freak issues and Trisha still struggles with anger issues. We don’t always get it right. But what I have seen God do through this act of obedience has blown me away. The spiritual life of our marriage and our family has grown and a wound that went all the way back to high school for Trisha and the first year of our marriage for me has been healed.

Sponsoring a child won’t fix your marriage. Listening to the prompting of God and being obedient will make a huge difference though. When we do that individually and as a couple we live life with no regrets. That is what I saw in the eyes of my wife last night…someone that is allowing God to use $38 per month in ways that are priceless.

Maybe there is a part of your heart or marriage that God longs to redeem through your willingness to say “yes”.

Six years ago this week, I was anything but a church leader. I was a church wounder. I was just a few days removed from telling my wife of 10 years that I no longer wanted to be married to her. I admitted to an affair that devastated every person that I loved and that loved me. I was living four miles from my house with a family friend, praying that God could put the pieces of my wife’s heart back together…the pieces I created when I shattered it.

I had worked so hard to be a church leader. I was so insecure that growing a large church for me was the one way I could guarantee respect. When you are driven by insecurity and fear, it doesn’t matter how successful or big your ministry is, it is never enough.

Six years ago ministry went away. Church leadership went away.

Over the past two years, God has blown us away with His provision and grace in restoring us back to ministry. The honor that I have to serve at Cross Point is something that I will never take for granted. The way that God has used RefineUs to reach into the heart of men and women and marriages is something that we thank God for everyday.

A few days ago, I received an email from ChurchLeaders.com asking permission to reprint an interview that we did for Outreach Magazine. The timing and the details washed over me. It is only by God’s unmerited redemption that He could use our story to help church leaders. It is only by His grace that church leaders could read of our struggles, know of my failures and realize that they are not alone. Church leaders hurt. Church leaders fail. Church leaders have problems in their marriage. Church leaders feel the pressure to not hurt, fail or have problems in their marriage. Our prayer is our story brings hope to church leaders.

As I reread the article they posted, I was reminded that God doesn’t have to redeem…He chooses to. My prayer is the article doesn’t just help church leaders lead better it inspires them to live better.

If you’d like to read the article or know of a church leader that needs a dose of hope today…here is the link:

My First Affair Was With The Church

As many of you know, I am a campus pastor at Cross Point Church, in Nashville. I lead our Bellevue Campus. Over the past six weeks our campus has been in a financial campaign. Our goal is to pay off our construction loan on our building. Over  the past 3 weeks, I have been meeting with our small groups, answering questions, casting vision. We had our first of two commitment Sundays this past Sunday and I gave a message on faith and trusting God.

Last week, I was on the phone with a pastor friend of mine and we were talking about the challenge we are facing and the goal that we have and he said something that a lot of people think, but very few say. He said, “If you don’t raise all of the money will you feel like a failure.” The honesty and the authenticity of the question gave me pause.

I know what it is like to be a failure. I know what it looks like to fail as a pastor. I know what it means to fail as a husband. I know the look of disappointment and hurt in my kids eyes when they realized I had failed them. I know what it means to fail hundreds of people that trusted  me and counted on me for spiritual direction.

Having lived through that and lost everything in the process, my answer came quickly: “I will be disappointed, but I won’t feel like a failure…not for one minute.”

What makes you feel successful? How would you fill in this blank: “If you don’t _____________________ you will feel like a failure.”

• If you don’t close that deal
• If you don’t get that promotion
• If your kids don’t get straight A’s
• If your house isn’t immaculate 24/7
• If you aren’t able to trade in that car or upgrade that house
• If you don’t get a raise
• If you aren’t recognized or applauded
• If you don’t lose that weight
• If you aren’t married by age 30

What causes us to feel like a success or failure always determines where we find our identity. For so many years, my sense of accomplishment was found not in my relationship with Christ; not in my relationship with my wife or kids, but in how well my church was performing or growing.

You are a success when you love like Christ calls you to love. When you are present in the smallest moments with your kids. When you find your worth in who God has created you to be and not what you do. That is success. I’m going to do my best to live in that today, and my prayer is that you do as well.

Do you struggle with feeling like a failure in a certain area of your life?

It was a year ago Justin and I had the privilege of meeting Shawn and Tricia Lovejoy. They are the kind of people who make you feel loved and valued before they even know your name. So with a deep breath and extended hand we introduced ourselves. Not just an introduction of names but of our story of a cheating pastor, his broken wife, and a mess of a marriage that somehow God redeemed.

The risk of sharing our story with them meant we would have to be vulnerable to their response. Vulnerable to  their opinions regarding Justin becoming a pastor again. Vulnerable to their approval of who we are today and the vision and passion God has placed in us to help others.

I’m guest posting over at SharpenHer today. YOU CAN READ THE REST OF THE POST HERE:

One of the things that I love about my friend Casey Graham is that he is passionate about helping others. He is a generous person with a huge heart for pastors, the Church and advancing the Kingdom of God. When I was a church-planter church finances consumed my mind. Even in my role as campus pastor, the financial health of our campus is very important to me. Casey knows this pressure and seeks to serve pastors and their churches in a huge way. If you are a church leader this is an event that you can’t miss.

On October 20, church leaders from around the country can appear on your computer screen to teach you and your team how to fully fund your church. The free online event is called Fund Your Church Now.  Take a look at what some of the speakers will share:

• Dino Rizzo from Healing Place Church will talk about how helping people in the community creates a generous church.
• Robert Morris is going to explain the Biblical command to give a tithe and offerings.
• Joe Sangl is going to show you how you can help broke people in your church with their personal finances.
• Shaun King is going to show you how to mobilize a bunch of people to connect with a need.
• Pete Wilson is going to talk about the power of personal relationships.
• Bob Franquiz will show you how to do a tithe challenge.
• Tim Stevens is going to talk about how the Granger team tracks and measures generosity.

There are more speakers and more topics.  Fund Your Church Now is a FREE online event.  Register here.

It is free.

It is convenient.

It has an All-star group of speakers sharing great content.