I wish there was a magic pill that made healing easier than it is. I wish there was a magic pill that would give people the marriage they desire. I wish there was a magic pill that restored broken relationships between parents and their kids. I wish there was a magic pill that made the pain of abuse go away. I wish there was a magic pill that made everything better.

So often in my life, I convince myself that there is a magic pill to take. Even though it has taken me years to get into debt, I think I should be able to get out in a matter of weeks. Even though my marriage has been on a slow decline for years, I can’t understand why the magic pill of “I’m sorry” or one counseling session doesn’t fix it. Even though I have had a sexual addiction for more than a decade, I convince myself that putting software on my computer will solve my problem.

There is no doubt God can heal. We have experienced it personally and in our marriage. But healing, the type of healing that you desire, is a process not a magic pill. It is often difficult and it almost always takes more courage than we have; more time than we want to give; and more of God in more of our heart.

While there isn’t a magic pill there is a path that is available, if you will choose it.

-Surrender: Giving up your desire to control. Giving up your will to try harder. Admitting you have no ability and no power and surrendering your heart and life to Christ.

-Honesty: Most of us don’t experience healing in an area of our life because continue to tell lies to ourself. We fail to admit our weaknesses. We do our best to talk our way out of our mistakes. We justify our poor choices. We make excuses for our failures. Healing comes when we are willing to be honest with one person: ourselves. We remain incapable of telling others the truth when we continue to lie to ourself.

-Transparency: Intimacy in a relationship is only limited by the amount of transparency in that relationship. When transparency is compromised, so is intimacy. The healing of our heart is tied to our willingness to be transparent.

-Trust: Our ability to trust and be trusted is the foundation for moving forward in our relationship with God; with our spouse; with others; even with ourself. The greatest feeling in the world is actually being the person others perceive you to be. A life with no pretending is the birthplace of trust.

-Pursuit: You will not drift into healing, you will have to pursue it. You will have to fight for it. Healing doesn’t come easy; it means forgiving; it means late nights; it means hard conversations; it means coming to terms with your past. You will have to chase down healing. Pursue it.

There is no magic pill…but there is a path.

The great news today is God promises to be with you every step of the way. He is fighting for you more than you are fighting for you.

For the past year, we have felt God leading us to write a book. There are so many great books on marriage, that even though we sensed God leading us to do this, it was overwhelming and intimidating.

As we prayed about this, God kept bringing us to the Parable of the Talents. The servant that was given one talent chose not to honor his master with what he was given. Instead, he lived in fear and buried the talent, hoping not to fail.

What we sensed God saying is that our story isn’t ours at all…it is His. We are called not to bury it but to share it with as many people as possible to bring glory to Him and restoration to the lives of others.

We can’t thank you, our RefineUs community enough. You have encouraged us and believed in us in ways that words can’t express. We are so thankful for your love and support.

On Monday, we completed our book proposal, and will be talking with publishers over the next few months. More than anything else, we covet your prayers. We have no clue what God is going to do with this, but we have surrendered it to Him.

Thank you in advance for your prayers and we will report back to you the future of the book.

Is there something that you sense God calling you to do that you are resisting?

It is a story we tell a lot.

In 2002, we sold everything we owned. We stepped out in faith, and we moved to a town where we knew 4 people. We had a vision to start a church for people who didn’t go to church. And God showed up. Over the next three years, over 700 people would come call Genesis Church their home.

It is a great story. It is a story we’ve been telling for eight years. It is a story I have shared with pride. Not pride in myself as much as being proud to talk about all that God is capable of if we will just trust him.

Then, I went to Catalyst 2010, and heard Francis Chan’s talk. It is a talk that keeps playing over and over in my mind. You can watch a few minutes of it here:

Catalyst East 2010: Francis Chan from Catalyst on Vimeo.

The question I ask myself after watching that is why is my story eight years old?

I want my life to be littered with stories of faith, not just an event that I keep going back to. It seems to me that my journey with Jesus should be a series of cashing out, stepping out, trusting, being uncertain and then watching God supernaturally come through.

I want my kids to think its normal to risk everything. I want them to have memories of thinking I was crazy for how much we sacrificed; how much we gave up; how much we trusted; and how powerfully God showed up.

Instead, I find myself talking about the good ole’ days…A moment in time rather than reoccurrences of audacious faith.

I want a new story. One that is 8 days old rather than 8 years old. I want to tell a new story 8 days from now. I want my life to be a series of short stories built on outrageous trust in a God that always provides; always comes through; always blows my mind…if I can redefine “normal”.

What about you? What comes to your mind after watching this video?

I often wonder if we are just fooling ourselves in The Church. We say that we want “authentic community”. We say that we value transparency, honesty, being real and coming as you are. Yet almost every day,  I talk to Christians that have spent most of their Christian life being dishonest, fake, hiding, posing.

Why? Why do we say we desire for the Christian life to be about one thing yet live as though we can never attain it?

As I have talked to both men and women; single and married; divorced and remarried; there is a reluctance to live out what we say we believe.

I think there are two reasons for our reluctance.

-Lack of friends…real friends.

-We are afraid of being perceived as weak.

I get it. This was my life for 15 years.

I had a bunch of people I considered friends. I had a ton of people in my life that thought I was their friend.

They were my friends and I was their friend to the degree that I allowed the relationships to develop. But even though I had “close friends” I didn’t have one person I truly trusted with the darkest, most vulnerable parts of my life. I lived my life in loneliness and isolation…even from my wife. I preached about marriage. I taught on authentic community. But I never took the risk to actually develop it in my own life. I think we have grown accustomed to living this way and very few of us have true, authentic, deep friendships.

Secondly, if we do share these parts of our heart, people will think we are weak and incompetent as a Christian. I had a fear that if I admitted weakness, my friends would see me differently. If I admitted weakness the people in my church would lose respect for me. If I admitted weakness my wife would stop loving me. If I admitted weakness, then I wouldn’t be able to control the spiritual perception I had spent a lifetime building.

I feel God prompting me today to speak into your heart: You are not weak.

• Confessing your pornography addiction is not weak
• Admitting you have an eating disorder is not weak
• Asking for help as a parent is not weak
• Realizing your marriage is in trouble and seeking professional help is not weak
• Confessing hidden lust for a co-worker to your spouse before it becomes an affair is not weak
• Forgiving someone that betrayed you is not weak
• Telling the truth about your drinking problem is not weak
• Talking to a friend about sexual abuse you experienced as a kid is not weak

• Exposing the dark parts of your heart is not weak

Somewhere we bought into the lie in the church that walking with Christ means pretending like we have it more together than we really do.

I want to encourage you to step into the area of your life God is calling you to be vulnerable. You may have convinced yourself that asking for help, admitting sin, confessing struggles is a sign of weakness.

Actually that way of living is the most courageous way to live. You will experience God and His presence in ways you can’t imagine.

You are not weak.

A few weeks ago we were invited to some friends’ house to go blobbing. We had such a blast. I am not sure if you know what a blob is…it is like a huge pillow that floats on water. When we arrived, my 7-year old son Isaiah wanted to do this! There was a problem…you had to climb up a ladder to a 20 foot platform, jump down onto the blob, crawling to the end of the blob, only to have someone heavier than you jump off the same platform and send you launching into the air.

Isaiah was scared. As he came to the end of the platform, he was paralyzed.

So often in my relationship with God, I am the same way. I sense God calling me to a new level of trust; I know God is asking me to step out in a way that stretches me; I hear God’s voice prompting me to risk something I’ve never been willing to risk…and I’m all about it. Until its time to jump…then I’m paralyzed. I am so scared, so fearful, I can’t move.

I wonder how how many divine moments I’ve surrendered because of fear. Most of my life is lived between faith and fear. When things are going well; I have money in the bank; my marriage is going well; ministry is fulfilling; my kids are doing well; my friendships are deep and meaningful…I am filled with faith. Then there is financial uncertainty; relational conflict; ministry difficulty; an unknown outcome to a personal challenge…my heart is filled with fear. Most of our life is lived in the gap between faith and fear.

Can I share with you what I shared with my 7-year old son? Courage isn’t the absence of fear. Courage is overcoming your fear with faith. Courage is pushing through your fear and experiencing faith in greater ways than before.

Maybe today you are standing on the ledge in an area of your life and God is asking you to jump…to trust. But you are scared; you are fearful; you are paralyzed. Life is best lived courageously.

What area of your life do feel like God is asking you to be courageous?

(By the way, enjoy the video of my son being blobbed!)