Some transitions are chosen for us. Some transitions we choose. Brian and Jenni Clayville have chosen a transition that many Christians talk about, but very few choose. They have chosen to trust God for everything. They have chosen to be a part of a church plant that requires them to raise their own support each and every month. What God teaches us when we trust everything to Him is priceless. We are honored to have Jenni sharing today about their transition.

Follow Jenni on Twitter:@jclayville

Check out Jenni’s blog: http://jenniclayville.com

Robert C. Gallagher once said, “Change is inevitable – except from a vending machine.”

For most of my life, I fought against change. My life felt so chaotic I honestly believe my fight for control was justified only by the means of survival. However… once I wasn’t threatened by eggshells and every day chaos, I still hung onto that control (or perceived control) for dear life. Probably because I didn’t know any different.

But then, for the first time in my life… I knowingly hurt myself. In July 2006, I voluntarily broke my marriage vows and stepped into an affair that unfortunately lasted 2 years. I could no longer control any aspect of my life because the choice I made was uncontrollable. 3 years after the affair began, I confessed my infidelity to my husband.

In the process of confessing my biggest moral failure to my husband, then to my closest family & friends, then to our outer circle, and finally publishing it for all to read and watch… I was finally truly letting go of my grasp on control and truly giving it to God, trusting Him to really take care of me better than I could take care of myself. It was amazing. Without me behind the wheel, I saw so much more around me because I wasn’t focused on the unending road in front of me. I could take in the beauty effortlessly. And while I was taking it all in, God was restoring me, my marriage, my family and my heart.

I gave Him even more of me. In fact, I gave him my gifts, my talents, my desires… my life. And what did He do???

He moved me and my family 1,700 miles away from everything we’ve ever known.

In February of 2011, we moved from Portland, Oregon to El Paso, Texas… as missionaries. We felt God calling us to uproot our family and plug into the Paseo Christian Church (the church plant we are a part of) family as well as the El Paso community.

Not only was the climate completely different, but the community, the culture and the language is different. El Paso bumps right up to Juarez, Mexico (said to be the most dangerous city in the world right now) so though we are in Texas according to the map… the culture and area we live in is much more of a Hispanic culture. 80% of El Paso is Hispanic. You can LITERALLY see Mexico from our house here in El Paso.

I won’t lie. Life is hard here. It is H-A-R-D!!!

There are months (many) that not enough financial support comes in. Our kids have gotten the sickest they’ve ever been and friends and family have left us to be with Jesus all while we are HERE in El Paso. I’ve struggled with more boughts of depression than I’d like to admit since moving. I don’t speak Spanish. My Spanish is offensive at best.

Yet… I wouldn’t change any of this for the world.

Though what I listed above isn’t really a day at Disneyland, the good that has happened not only outweighs the bad… it overwhelms it.

My marriage is restored beyond what I could ever recognize it to be. My children are flourishing. My husband has walked closer with Jesus and has grown substantially and incredibly as a leader, protector and grace-extender for his family, his church and his community. I am rediscovering (or maybe discovering for the first time) who God created me to be. I’ve tapped into some amazing creative parts within me I had no idea I had or was capable of. And best of all, we’ve experienced some incredibly divine appointments that I highly doubt we would have had if we had just stayed in Portland. Opportunities to be loved on and love others.

We have found a community we never knew existed.

Not just in El Paso… but in every place I’ve ever lived or visited. Our community isn’t defined by our location. It’s defined by who God put in our paths and who’s paths we’ve tripped into.

Do I think we’re settled here forever? I want to say “yes”. I hate moving. So, I want to say “yes”. But God’s desire for me is bigger than any ideas I could have for myself. And if I’ve learned anything in the last few years, I’ve learned this:

Change is the only constant. Hanging on is the only sin.

What are YOU hanging on to?

Guys who are teachable and willing to listen to God really impress me. The first time I met Wes, he was unemployed, low on money and had no idea where God was leading him in life. That wasn’t that impressive…what was impressive is that Wes was willing to do anything and go anywhere God called. He simply wanted to be obedient. Over the past two years, I’ve seen God lead and guide Wes to be an incredible husband, an amazing pastor and a soon to be father. He has experienced and is continuing to experience transition. I am excited that he is sharing with us today.

Follow Wes on Twitter: @weshoward
Check out Wes’s blog: http://amarkedchange.com

Recently, my wife was watching a show called “Baby Story” and I came in the room to get ready to go run. I’ve seen it on before, but this time I stood and watched. I saw a lady going through what looked like hell. Her husband was beside her, holding her hand, whispering encouragement. She was pushing and screaming and then it happened. Their life was forever changed. A baby.

The joy that was on the suddenly parents face was indescribable. I looked over at my pregnant wife and tears were running down her face as she watched and I will admit that they were welling up in my eyes as well.

That moment is in our future and I can’t wait.

I am under no illusion that it won’t be hard. My life is about to completely and utterly change. Soon a baby will be waking me up multiple times a night; there will be more puking, pooping, peeing and crying than I can ever imagine. Never again will we be able to decide to go see a movie or to dinner on a whim. Everything from that moment on will take planning. My life is about to transition.

The word “transition” didn’t really mean much to me 2 years ago. Then I started a new job, got engaged, became a pastor, moved to a new city and church, got married, changed jobs and churches again and now the biggest transition of all; my wife is pregnant. All in 2 years. So, I am no stranger to transition.

Some transitions I expected, like marriage and a baby. Some I did not, like losing a job. I’ve found something that all transitions have in common though: An opportunity to grow and grow rapidly.

When I lost my job, I experienced the most growth as a person and in my relationship with Christ than I ever have. When I started a new job, I grew. When I was married, I grew. When my baby boy arrives in February, I expect to grow. Why?

I think it’s because transitions brings about fresh outlooks. There are new problems to figure out and new obstacles to overcome. When you match that with faith in a loving and caring God, growth happens.

For me it goes to the core of who I believe God is. I believe God is in control. I believe that God knows what He’s doing and has blessed me with the opportunity to be a part of it. So when transitions happen in my life, good or bad, I choose joy.

That’s the key to growing in a transition: Choosing joy in the midst of the change.

Not all transitions are reasons to throw a party, but every transition is an opportunity to choose joy and grow.

Choose to transition well.

Our friend Lindsey is our guest today. She isn’t really a guest she is more like family. Her move to California has caused a transition for our family. We all love Lindsey. Her friendship to Trisha and her friendship to our family has been and continues to be such a blessing. She shares with us the difficulty of transition.

You can follow Lindsey on Twitter: @lindseynobles

Check out her Blog here: http://lindseynobles.com

It’s Hard

My friends Justin and Trisha Davis asked if I would be willing to guest post on their blog. I happily obliged because I adore the Davises and there aren’t many things I wouldn’t do for them. But it has been a little difficult to find the discipline to get the post written. Why?  Well, because the topic they asked me to blog about is “transition” which I feel like is all I have been talking about, all I have been blogging about, and all I have been living. Candidly, “transition” has me a little exhausted.

It’s hard, you know?

Waking up in a new apartment, in a new city, in a new state, in a new culture, throwing on new clothes {the weather and the casual Orange County atmosphere necessitate}, heading into a new job with new co-workers and a new boss, and escaping in the evening to grab a quick dinner at a new restaurant before going to a new small group at a new church. Nothing is familiar. It’s all new. It’s disorienting. And it’s hard.

Don’t hear this as a complaint. It’s just the difficult truth of life in transition. Hear me say that I am fully aware that I am extraordinarily blessed, that God is in this and with me, and that in a lot of ways the transition has been easier than I imagined.

But it’s still hard.

I miss the conveniences of the Central Time Zone. I miss the predictability of the seasons. I miss the ease of routine.  I miss my friends. I miss my Church. I miss knowing my place. And I miss finishing the day feeling like I am quite good at getting my job done.

Yet it is these things that made me feel comfortable, these things that added to my restlessness, these things that pushed me to want something more. And it was these things that encouraged me to jump, to live boldly, to step into my purpose, and to walk in all that He has for me.

But the transition, well, it’s hard.

Last week at the new church I have been attending, Jeff Macguire preached on the disorientation that is inevitable as we become like more like the One we follow {powerful message, you can and should listen to the whole thing here: http://bit.ly/scR1vL}. He talked about Saul on the road to Damascus and how his transformation into one of the most influential leaders of the early church wasn’t without disorientation and loss.

It wasn’t without a good dose of hard.

He showed this moving video about the United States Navy’s Ships to Reefs Program that takes decommissioned war vessels and strips them of impurities and sinks them, giving them a new consequential purpose, becoming a reef-like habitat for marine life.

A difficult pill for the once mighty and majestic war vessels to swallow. But how beautiful that which once represented war and destruction, now represents life?

May the video serve as a jarring reminder that the transition, the disorientation, the transformation is hard, but it is not without beauty.

May I remember that this transition wasn’t about me searching for easy, this transition was about me searching for transformation.

“And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.” 2 Corinthians 3:18

There are some people you just click with when you meet them. Spence is one of those guys for Trisha and me. He has guest posted at RefineUs before, and his post resonated with so many. It was a no brainer for us to ask him to speak into the topic of transitions given his life the last few months. What he has learned during transition may be exactly what God is longing to teach someone today.

Follow Spence on Twitter: @spencesmith

Check out his Blog: http://spencesmith.com

Seven Months And One Huge Transition

Smooth transitions in life are hard to come by. You never know what’s going to happen during a transition but I’m certain a couple things are happening while in transition.

One chapter is ending while another is beginning. All while right in the middle of another chapter in a different book,

Looking back at my recent transition it was both. I never really knew it would be this crazy of a journey when it started.

The Back Story…

Seven months ago, in March of 2011, I got engaged and started the process of moving from 15 years of living in Nashville/Franklin, TN area and 41 years of living in the south to living in Colorado, a state I always wanted to live in since my dad had been taking us skiing as kids.

My transition has come in different stages.

Saying good-bye to my closest friends in Franklin and Nashville at the end of May was tough, but I made the most of any time I had with my friends. Saying good-bye was bitter sweet to say the least but once I got to Colorado, the events that unfolded where some of the most exciting and most difficult months of my life.

Krissy and I immediately got to work on a few things – Me becoming a step-dad, transferring my job, planning and paying for a wedding and putting her house on the market all in the month of June. Our schedules were non-stop and I could barely keep up.

With the kids being out of school and their excitement to have me around, I went from “all the me-time in the world” to finding myself in the bathroom more than usual just to sit for a few minutes to gather myself.

I jokingly say that and I’m thankful for two teenagers who are excited to hang out with me, but trying to work from “home” and do everything we needed to do and whatever the kids wanted to do was really stirring my world up…. And for good reason… My world wasn’t used to having others live that closely in it.

Once July hit, things were leveling out a bit. Plans were coming together, boundaries between work time and family time were becoming more routine and the house was getting shown almost daily.

August came and a huge answer to pray had happened. We had an offer on her house and had found the house we wanted to buy, but as August rolled through we got to the end of the month learning that the buyers for her house had to move out of state. Back to square one.

Original plan had been to move into another home the week of our wedding. But what happened next was clear evidence that God had another plan.

Two weeks before our wedding, Krissy had an emergency appendectomy. Yep… two weeks. We suddenly realized the house plans had been put on hold for this specific reason. Moving into another house, recovering from surgery and a wedding all in the same week would have been a train wreck and I’m pretty sure God knew that.

In September we got married, went on our honeymoon and a week later got another offer on the house. We have since moved into another home and I’m just now starting to feel settled from my move to Colorado… five months later.

Looking Back…

We moved on October 28 and it was that day that I had in my mind to mark it as the end of the transition. It was the day we closed on both homes and moved into the new house.

Sure… I have the learning curve of fatherhood and grafting my way into this family. Not to mention cultivating our marriage.

But there are other things that will still be there to work on and process through. With transition, you never know what will pop up and something always does. It’s the other chapter in another book that is still pages away from its last page.

This unexpected chapter was walking through loss that came at the most unexpected time. While Oct 28 is marked as the end of transition, the loss will still be there and that is something no transition will immediately heal.

Another chapter is one that deals with me finding my way through a family in the Indian culture (My wife is from India). I’m learning all the in’s and out’s of family dynamics through the filter of cultural norms, language, expectation and figuring out how to navigate it all to honor my wife as well as her family and some of the traditions that are deeply ingrained in their cultural up bringing.

Here’s what I’ve learned along the way.

While we have gotten through the transition, I don’t think I do transition well. In fact, who does? I can do life well when I’m settled and in my groove but we never set our sights on living life in the period of transition. Transition is usually short term and meant to have an end so we do whatever we can to get to the end of it. Why?

Because transition is not we consider to be our normal way of life.

The other thing I learned is this.

Prior to this move my relationship with God was not where it should have been at all. I was missing that whole part of about trust, provision and making the right decisions that would impact my future. I really thought I had most things figured out but I didn’t. Other the years I’ve made decisions that I didn’t think needed God’s input or guidance and it has cost me in many ways.

But this too turned around.

I had to make a decision to trust God with my life again.

Like I knew I should.

It doesn’t mean I was getting everything right from then on out. But what it gave me was the ability to recognize that God was working in and around my life in ways that got me… and Krissy… through this long transition.

A big part of the influence came from Krissy and her strong faith in believing God would help us with all the details and speed bumps. Which is exactly what happened and she was a great example for me to see where I needed to step up to the plate.

There’s no doubt that in a time of transition, believing that God is really in control is  hard to do, but worth it when you see the examples of things happening that could have only been worked out through His timing.

But you know what? I know there are people out there trying to get through the longest transition of their lives with no end in sight and I have this piece of advice.

Most… not all… but most of life’s transitions can come to an end when we have decided there needs to be an end.It’s like being happy. Happiness is a choice only you can choose to do and happiness doesn’t come from the actions of others but your own action of deciding to live a life of happiness. No one can do it for you. Thus, we are the only ones to blame when we aren’t happy.

When we decide to come to an end of the transition. We take steps to get there. When we choose happiness, we take steps to get there.

When we decide to trust in God, we take steps to get there.

If you are in transition and you have been there for a long time, let me encourage you to set a goal to work your way out of the transition so you can settle into the life you have waiting for you.

You will know when it’s right for you, but my point it… You have to make the decision to do it.

Thanks Justin and Trisha for letting me ramble on here. This might be the longest post i’ve ever written, but it’s the first time I’ve put the past seven months into words like this.

Question: What steps do you take to work yourself through transition?

Our life has been a constant transition. If you know our story, you know that we have moved more in our 16 years of marriage than most people move in a lifetime. Most of the time, the transition has been something I have chosen and talked Trisha into along the way. Some of those transitions have been God things and some of them have been ego-trips for me. All of those transitions have come with a price.  Some of them have come with a pay off.

We are in a different type of transition these days. We finally feel at home in Nashville. We finally feel content in how God is using us at Cross Point. We finally feel like we are developing community and building friendships. The transition we are facing is not one of our choosing.

We came face to face with this transition on Halloween night. For the past six years we have had a tradition of trick or treating with our boys and then sitting around a fire pit and eating dinner together. Usually it is white chicken chili that we eat together. This year was to be no different. We got the firewood ready. We made chili in anticipation. It was set to be a great night.

That afternoon, Micah texts: my friends are having a party tonight. Can I go? Ten minutes later Elijah texts: my friends are having a party tonight, I’ve got a ride there and home…can I go? What about trick or treating together? (We said to our 15 and 12 year old) So we let the boys enjoy the night with their friends. I took Isaiah around our neighborhood trick or treating while Trisha sat at home around the fire pit by herself, handing out candy. It was pitifully sad.

Our kids are growing up. We usually enjoy this aspect of our lives. But the transition we are making is one we can’t control or slow down. It is happening. We are trying to learn to embrace it and not resent it. We are trying to learn to value the age of our kids rather than wish they were younger. It is hard.

We have asked a few of our friends that are all in different places in life to share their season of transition with you this week. It is going to be a powerful week and we are confident God is going to show up for so many of us this week. Be sure to join us each day as we talk about transitions.

Here is the schedule for the week:

Tuesday: Spence Smith

Wednesday: Lindsey Nobles

Thursday: Wes Howard

Friday: Jenni Clayville

What transition are you facing today? How are you handling it?

I learned a lot about this community yesterday.  Here is what I learned: A lot of us guys really want to lead our family spiritually, we just have no clue how to do it. I also realized that I am not alone and I’m not crazy. Spiritual leadership is hard.

I want to say upfront that I don’t have all the answers. I am very much in process and I get this wrong as much as I get it right. I also want to say that as a man and as the spiritual leader of your house, if you choose to engage in this area, it will change the entire climate and culture of your home. I’ve seen it happen in my family and God blows me away with His faithfulness and I lean into His leadership.

Here are some things I’m learning about leading spiritually:

1. Understand that leading is a calling.

If you are a Christ-follower and you are a husband and/or a dad, being a leader spiritually isn’t something you are asked to do, it is something that God has called you to do. That always sounded intimidating to me…until I realized this: God has never called anyone to do anything and not been with them and provided for them along the way. God cares more about your family than you do and yet He called you to lead…how cool is that. He longs to partner with you in that process. When I saw God as a partner in leading my family and not as a disappointed supervisor, it changed everything.

2. Be intentional.

There is a huge difference between good intentions and being intentional. For the first 10 years of my marriage, I had good intentions. I intended to be a good leader. It wasn’t until I became as intentional about leading my family as I am about leading at work that anything changed. For me, this has to do with time. I set aside time to be with my boys. We go to breakfast. I read books with them and discuss the books. (Sometimes the discussion questions at the end of the chapter give us something to talk about that we wouldn’t have otherwise.) My wife and I go on date nights. Nothing good usually happens by accident. We have to choose it.

3. Lead Relationally.

My friend Pete and I were talking the other day about how the greatest leaders we know have an ability to lead through a relationship. You follow them not because they make you follow, but because you have such a deep relationship, you want to follow. This principle applies to our spiritual leadership in our home. We’ve said for years, “Rules without relationship equals rebellion.” As I invest in my relationships with my wife and kids, they follow naturally, not just because I quote some verse of the Bible that says I’m the leader.

4. Be Vulnerable.

Admit when you don’t know the answer. Allow your kids to see you struggle to make a decision. Tell your wife that you don’t know which decision you should make but your greatest desire is to do what is right, not what is easy. When we pretend like we always have it together, we don’t allow our family to see our relationship with God grow and develop. We come off like we don’t need God to lead us because we always know the answer. For me, nothing is further from the truth. Being vulnerable makes you a better leader because it reveals your ultimate dependance on God.

5. Be a Servant.

Nothing earns more credibility for me as a leader with my wife and my boys more than when I serve. It is sad to admit how many opportunities I’ve missed to lead my family because I was unwilling to serve or so disengaged that I didn’t see the need they had to be served. Jesus was the master model of this. It is as we serve that we truly understand what it means to be a leader.

6. Get over it being uncomfortable.

Two nights ago our family had a really rough day. We went out to eat and as we were leaving the parking lot, I put the car in park and turned around and asked for everyone’s hand. I said, “I want to pray.” One of my boys pointed out how awkward it was praying in the middle of a parking lot. I did feel awkward. But I felt God prompt me to pray so I did it…despite it feeling uncomfortable…despite my kids rolling their eyes. It wasn’t a 20 minute prayer it was a 1 minute prayer, but it was listening to God’s voice and obeying, even when it feels uncomfortable.

This is a really long blog post and there are five other things I could say. I’m still learning everyday what spiritual leadership looks like. As the man in your home, as you go, so goes your family. We’re in this together.

What would you add to this list of being an effective leader?

I’m a sucker for nostalgia. Trisha and I celebrate anniversaries of things that seem small and insignificant. We haven’t always been that way, but over the past 6 years we have learned to look for things to celebrate. We have done the same with traditions. What we have noticed in our life is that traditions don’t just happen, you have to create them. Since our separation, we have done our best to create traditions in our family that can be predictable and will create memories. One of our traditions is that we always go out for Mexican every Sunday after church. It is something that we have done literally for the past six years. One of the things I’ve learned is that traditions don’t have to be fancy or expensive to matter. The texture that traditions have added to our family has been awesome.

As a family, we’ve always participated in Halloween. I know there are a lot of arguments about Halloween among Christians; we don’t argue about it, we just go Trick or Treating. We only have a few years left of our kids dressing up and wanting to go door to door asking for candy. One of the traditions we’ve created is that we always go Trick or Treating with the kids, then we’ll come back to our house and eat White Chicken Chili. We usually sit around a fire pit and just hang out. It has become something that our kids look forward to. It has become something that we treasure.We’ve tried to create a memory around Halloween that goes far beyond just dressing up and asking for candy…it is about great conversation and time together.

Does your family have traditions? What is your favorite tradition?

On Tuesday, Justin wrote about the art of pursuing your wife so today I thought I’d tackle the art of pursuing your husband. So often after we get married we lose our tenacity to pursue one another like we did when we were dating. What once was a blissful opportunity to show how much we love our husbands some how becomes an obligation after we are married.

Wives… think about your “To DO List” today. If you’re anything like me “pursing your husband” probably didn’t make the top 5 on your list. I’m already cleaning the house, taking care of the kids and doing the things HE asked of me so why on earth would have to pursue him more? This was my mind set for the first ten years of our marriage. I used being a busy mom of three young boys and my responsibilities at church as an excuse not to take the time to pursue Justin.

Pursuing Justin didn’t carry urgency and most times I would give him my leftovers. It took us being separated for me to recognize that pursuing Justin is foundational to grow in our relationship. If the definition of pursuit is the “act of chasing after something” then the opposite would be drifting. You don’t drift into a healthy marriage.

Drifting means to “wander from a set course” and drifting is what comes naturally. Often times we beat ourselves up over the fact that pursuing our husband doesn’t come naturally and in our defeat choose to do nothing. Pursuing is an act. It’s a choice you make everyday to show your husband that he is worth chasing after.

Here are three ways I pursue Justin…

1. Making myself AVAILABLE for physical intimacy. Husbands are applauding and wives are rolling their eyes. Its ok… I can take it . In all seriousness Justin and I have accepted the reality that his sexual drive is greater than mine. He’s not disappointed in me and I’m not frustrated with him.  Because it’s not first on my list I have to be intentional about pursuing him in a way that makes him feel valued and not an obligation.

2. Physical Intimacy    Just kidding…. But it’s true

2. Daily words of affirmation. If I’m not careful, in a house full of boys it’s easy for me to slip into a pattern of noticing how they don’t do things LIKE ME rather than appreciate that they got the job done. So I have to daily pursue seeing the good and express it with my words. Sometimes just saying “thank you” is all the words he needs but “your hot” will work too

3. Praying for him. When I take the time to pray specifically for Justin often times God will prompt me to do something for him I would never have thought of on my own. Some of my most cherished memories with Justin have come through promptings from God.

Help us out…how do you pursue your husband?

An object in possession seldom retains the same charm that it had in pursuit.” -Pliny the Elder

One of the biggest changes we have made in our marriage over the past 6 years in our pursuit of one another. It isn’t that we intentionally stopped pursuing each other…it just kinda stopped. The thrill of the chase faded. The romance of our relationship went away. Neither of us felt like a priority. We were obligations. No one gets married to be an obligation. What do you do when your marriage doesn’t have the charm it used to have?

Pursue. Start pursuing. If you aren’t pursuing your spouse…something or someone is. Work. Facebook. Friends. A lady at the office. A guy at the gym. A mediocre marriage. Something is pursuing.

Where do you start? Here are three things that have worked for me to pursue Trisha. (Ladies, Trisha will be speaking to you later this week.)

-Write a note. You remember notebook paper? Not an email…a note. Like you did when you were in college. Remember the poems you used to write her? Remember how special she felt when you bought her a card for no reason and wrote a note inside of it? What if you wrote her a note and left it next to the coffee pot before you go to work? What if you put a note on the front seat of her car? What if you stopped on your way home from work and got her a card and gave it to her when you got home?

-Send a text message. Not a picture of yourself without your shirt…a thoughtful text message. For the first 10 years of our marriage, every time Trisha would call me during the work day, I would make her feel like she was interrupting me. I would be short with her on the phone; act like I had more important things to do; or return email or type while she was talking. It was the opposite of pursuit. If you take the time during the day to send your wife a text that tells her that you are thinking about her, the words will probably mean less than the time you took to send it. She will feel pursued.

-Scripture on the mirror. There are times that I feel prompted to share a verse of Scripture with Trisha. One of the things that I have done for a while now is writing the scripture out on her bathroom mirror with a dry erase marker. It takes very little time, but what it communicates to my wife can’t be measured. As you lead your wife spiritually, she will feel pursued by you emotionally.

These are 3 ways that I have learned to pursue my wife…what would you add to the list? Help some brothers out!

On March 5, 2009 this comment was left on our one month old blog:

I hope you publish a book or study for couples from this. It would do many of us so much good….

We were living in Indianapolis at the time and were writing a series of blog posts called 8 Things that Destroyed Our Marriage and 8 Things that Restored Our Marriage. I remember reading the comment and sharing it with Trisha and we just laughed. Not because it was funny, but because it was so far from any reality we could ever imagine.

A few months later, we moved to Nashville to go on staff at Cross Point. We knew that God called us back to the local church and we were honored to be a part of an amazing church like Cross Point.

God continued to use our blog and give us a heart for the marriage that is hurting and the marriage that is just existing. The leadership team at Cross Point continued to cheer us on and support our heart for RefineUs. So many of you have been a part of this incredible journey as well. You have read our posts; you have sent us emails; you have offered encouragement; we have had over 15,000 comments left on this site in the past few years. This community has shaped us and our belief that there is hope for every marriage.

About a year ago, our pastor Pete Wilson really challenged Trisha and me to consider putting a book proposal together. He wrote about our story in his book, Plan B, but he felt like God could use us beyond how we were currently allowing Him to use us. So we began working on a book proposal. Over the next several months God continued to lead and guide us and challenge and expand our vision. From February of this year to August, Trisha and I and our friend and agent, Jenni Burke worked on a comprehensive book proposal that would capture the heart and soul of our story and the desire we have to help marriages move from ordinary to extraordinary.

On Thursday, we had the honor of sitting down with our three boys in our dinning room, and signing a contract to write our first book. We are so excited to be partnering with Tyndale House Publishers on our book Destroying Ordinary: From the Marriage You Have to the Marriage You Want (working title).

The book is scheduled to be released in February 2013.

This blog post is simply a thank you note. Thank you to our church family for loving and supporting us. Thanks to so many of you that have encouraged us on this journey. Thanks to so many of you for seeing something in us before we ever saw it in ourselves. Thank you for making RefineUs a place where anyone can come and find honesty, transparency and grace. We are so excited to share this journey with you as our story continues to be written.