What We’ve Learned from 3,000 Couples

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A few years ago, we almost quit marriage ministry. Before the book; before the RefineUs Weekend; before our marriage conferences….we almost called it quits. We almost quit not because we didn’t want to invest in marriages but because we were doing a horrible job equipping couples to have the marriage God had in mind. We traveled and shared our story but never walked with couples along the journey of marriage. Because…

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Everything in Common

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A few days ago I was talking to a friend that just started dating a young lady. You could hear the excitement in his voice as he told me how they met; about the friends that had introduced them and his first impressions of her. He told me where she was from, a little about her family and what he liked most about her. A few minutes into our conversation he…

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If You Want to Grow Spiritually

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Spiritual growth isn’t easy. Spiritual growth as a couple is even more difficult. My wife, Trisha and I have spent more than twenty years in ministry. We are supposed to be professionals at spiritual growth and discipleship. Despite our bible college education, spiritual growth in our marriage was a weakness for many years. One of the reasons we struggled in this area is because we looked at spiritual disciplines as…

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10 Signs Your Marriage is Drifting

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Most people don’t get married so they can be unhappy. Most people don’t stand in front of a church full of people and pledge their love for each other thinking they will be standing in a courtroom dividing their property and arguing over custody of their kids. Most marriages just drift to these places. Most drift to mediocrity. It’s not something we intend to happen…it’s just something that we allow…

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Your Past Matters…but how much?

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What a week it has been! Over the last eight days, Trish has shared our story on CNN, the local NBC affiliate in Indianapolis, and yesterday morning the Today Show shared a quote from our book, Beyond Ordinary! As this national coverage has come, many have asked us if it is hard to keep digging up the past. Do we struggle with sharing such hard things from our past? These…

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2 Things You Need to Know This Weekend

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Have you ever worked really hard and gone over and above to try to accomplish something only to find out you messed up anyway? No…it must just be me. As most of you know, we moved a month ago from Nashville, TN to Indianapolis, IN. We had speaking engagement in Florida a week after we moved so I ordered 3 boxes of T-Shirts to have for our speaking engagement. Well…we had…

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3 Ways to Surround Your Marriage With the Right People

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Today we are sharing with you a guest post from our friend, Ted Lowe. Ted is a speaker, a blogger, and the director of MarriedPeople, the marriage division at The reThink Group (also known as Orange), a non-profit organization devoted to influencing those who influence the next generation. After serving as the director of MarriedLife at North Point Community Church in Alpharetta, Georgia, Ted joined the Orange team to create MarriedPeople. He…

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The Most Dangerous Word in Marriage

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A few times per year we host a small gathering of couples in Nashville for the RefineUs Weekend Experience. Our last weekend of 2015 was this past weekend. (New Dates for 2016 announced soon!)  During a break, I was talking to one of the husbands and asked him what brought he and his wife to Nashville for the weekend. He said something that resonated with me: “Procrastination. I was busy…

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The One Thing Missing In Many Marriages

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A few weeks ago, Trish and I were signing books after a speaking engagement and a young guy handed me his book and began to shake my hand. “I’m not married yet,” he said, “but I’m engaged to be married. What is the one avoidable mistake you see couples make that I can learn from?” It was a great question. There was lots of pressure to name one thing. I shared…

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Why Marriage Counseling Doesn’t Work

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When Trish and I started our first church in 2002, we had a lot of faith, very little money and even less people. I put together a business plan of what I thought was our budget and timeline and started meeting with as many people as I could, asking them to support this new church. One morning I sat down with a very successful business man, seeking his advice but…

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