5 Things Your Wife Needs to Hear From You


As husbands, God has given us guys a responsibility to speak words of truth into our wife’s heart. Every day, there are lies of discouragement and doubt that the enemy tries to place in their mind. Our role is to come along side them; encourage them and remind them of truth. Here are five things that I try (I don’t always get this right) to speak into Trisha’s heart sincerely…

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Reverse Messiah Complex (Repost)


One of the things that Trisha and I realized early on when we left ministry in 2005 is that we both suffered from The Messiah Complex. Wikipedia defines this as: A messiah complex is a state of mind in which the individual believes he/she is, or is destined to become, a savior. This isn’t something you set out to suffer from as a pastor…but over the course of time, it creeps in. You begin to think…

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No Textbook Answers


When we started blogging last year, we were surprised at the response. We thought that a lot of people might struggle in their marriage; might have some issues with pornography; might have gone through an affair; might have difficulty forgiving, trusting or not controlling. We had no idea that so many people were hurting. Emails began to pour in. People…hurting people needing hope, encouragement, and help. We would return emails….

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Heart Check


I have spent a lot of time on the computer lately. A.Lot.Of.Time. Over the past few weeks, we have redesigned our blog; we launched a new resource web site: RefineOurMarriage; we are working on a book proposal; we are planning a marriage conference we are speaking at in Chicago in November…lots of hours on the computer. This is over and above the computer time I spend for my pastoral role…

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The Opposite of Fear


I’ve always thought that the opposite of fear was courage. Growing up, every time I would express fear, my dad would tell me to be brave. When my kids tell me they are scared, I remind them that courage isn’t not being fearful; courage is overcoming fear. So many sermons that I’ve given over fifteen years have had to do with overcoming fear with courageous faith. Obviously, courage is very…

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Refine Our Marriage Launch Party!


Today is a huge day in our lives, marriage and ministry. We have been planning and praying about today for a long time! We are launching a resource site called RefineOurMarriage.com. RefineOurMarriage is site aimed to engage 3 Audiences: -Spouses in Crisis: Crisis Coaching, Crisis Resources, Next Steps -Marriages In Process: Marriage Coaching, Downloadable Resources, Monthly Newsletter -Pastors and Churches in Need: Marriage Conferences, Pastor to Pastor Program, Church Partnerships…

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God’s Ability to Use You


When you grow up in church, there is really only one unpardonable sin. The Bible says that it is blasphemy, but in the church world I grew up in, it was adultery. When Trisha and I left ministry in 2005 due to my affair, I had no idea what the future held, but one thing I was sure of: God was done with me. About a year after we left…

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5 Things You Must Do to Restore Your Marriage After An Affair (Repost)


{We continue the series of reposts today, hoping to reach people who have experienced an affair but have a desire to restore their marriage. It IS possible. Yesterday we heard from so many people who used Trisha’s post as a resource for a loved one, friend or family member. Please pass this post along to anyone you know that might need it.} Today, Trisha and I are continuing a two-part…

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Five Things You Must Do When Your Spouse Has Had An Affair (Repost)


{ We are reposting this series of posts today and tomorrow as a resource for you to pass on to those you know who are in this situation. We’d be honored if you would retweet and post this on Facebook to share this message with as many hurting people as possible. } The pressure of writing this post is a bit overwhelming and my heart is heavy. Sigh… not because…

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Unspoken Expectations


Most people only communicate what they expect from a relationship after they have been disappointed or let down. We talk to people all the time that are unhappy in their marriage, unhappy in a relationship, dissatisfied with a friend, because the relationship isn’t what they thought it would be and isn’t what they expected it should be. Our first question when a husband or wife expresses their frustration about an…

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