Check Your Texts

No one thinks they will have an affair. We don’t get married with a date circled on the calendar when we will break our marriage vows.

You know how most inappropriate relationships start? They start in a non-inappropriate way. Texting. Facebook. Social Media.

Here is the problem…people are always more bold and more courageous over text, Twitter and Facebook than they ever would be in person and lines get blurry very quickly.

We want to share some warning signs with you when it comes to texting.

It could be a red flag…

  • When sending or receiving a text from a certain person causes an emotional reaction in your mind (only you will know this)
  • When you or the person you are texting start exchanging emotions or personal feelings
  • When you the person you are texting compliments you on a personal or physical level
  • Any time you send or receive a text that you wouldn’t be able to read out loud to your spouse
  • Anytime you send or receive a text that is flirtatious or sexual in nature
  • Anytime you are texting someone more than you are texting your spouse
  • When you share frustrations or unmet expectations with someone of the opposite sex about your own marriage
  • When you send a text that compares that person with your spouse
  • When you receive a text that compares you with their spouse

Words carry power. Please choose the words you text to anyone of the opposite sex wisely.

You probably don’t intend to cross boundaries. No one does. Inappropriate relationships can start with a text message and left unevaluated lead to a place that brings all kinds of hurt and brokenness.

Will you check your texts?

7 Responses to Check Your Texts

  1. Maggie

    Years ago, I started to see warning signs in the relationship between my husband and a single young woman we both knew. I was pregnant at the time, and it was hard for me to communicate my concerns in a way that didn’t come across as pregnancy-hormone induced jealous craziness. A checklist like this would have been so helpful to me then. I’m glad it’s here to help others now.

  2. Beth

    My husband and I both have not joined facebook or any other social media, I am so thankful that we agree on this decision! Thank you for all of your posts and for sharing your story.

  3. Bella

    I found text messages between my husband and a former co worker who is well known for her promiscuous behaviour with most of his friends. In the texts they used codes such as 459-4ever (I love you forever) and lgf (little girlfriend). They both said it was just stupid,drunk talk , but it was done lots of nights when I was in the next room sleeping. A few months later a mutual friend let it slip that this woman had been showing up at his work after hours on nights that he was supposedly working on his boat. The friend asked my husband if he was having an affair but he said they were just friends and that he loves me too much to do that. It’s been 8 months and he stills sticks to his story. He stopped communicating with her but I have not been able to forgive him. We have always had the marriage our friends envied but now I feel it may have been a 30 year lie. I don’t know what to believe. I know worse things have happened to others but how will I ever believe him or trust him again?

    • Karen

      You draw lines in the sand now. You make him 100% accountable for every ridiculous second of his day. You let him now that you feel violated, cheated on, and wronged. It’s not easy, and it was a lot of fighting between my husband and I (I was in your exact same situation. Twice. First incident was at about 1 year of marriage, and the second at 10 years. I didn’t do things right the first time.) the fighting told me that he felt he had something to hide; he was so reluctant to open up and put everything on the table for me. We went to marriage counseling, which helped him see that his actions were indeed an affair, even if it was purely emotional. Now, I have all his passwords, I check computer history, text messages, Facebook, and email. He’s not allowed to have female friends on Facebook (unless they are family or preapproved by me). He has to jump through amazing hoops to earn my trust again. I have been burned twice. (I really try not to abuse this, but whenever his attention on me begins to falter, I start to get paranoid again.)
      I don’t know when I’ll be able to trust him completely again; it’s been two years since the most recent texting affair. Out relationship is better, but there are still scars that make me fearful.

  4. brandy

    this exact thing ruined a 13 yr relationship, my trust and my marriage

    • Justin and Trisha

      I am so sorry Brandy. Praying for you.

  5. Bela Bokor

    So, so, true, that’s why I decided to quit Facebook in February. I lived 42 years without it, the past 2.5 years were nothing else, but trouble.Hopefully I’ll live another 42 fb free 🙂