Check Your Texts

Over the past few days, we’ve been in several conversations with people rocked by affairs. We’ve talked to devastated spouses trying to find hope and healing because of what their spouse chose. We’ve talked to repentant and remorseful spouses that broke trust and destroyed their marriage. Some conversations have been in person, some over the phone, some over email. Each couple; each relationship; each mistake; each affair were all different. But one thing kept being repeated.

-We reconnected on Facebook then started texting

-She started texting him for work and it grew from there

-He DM’d me on Twitter and we started flirting with each other; it seemed innocent at first

-Our texts started out as business, then turned personal, then got inappropriate 

No one thinks they will have an affair. We don’t get married with a date circled on the calendar when we will cheat on our spouse.

Our hearts have been so heavy the past few days thinking about all of the hurt and all of the damage that started with texting. People are always more bold and more courageous over text, twitter and Facebook than they ever would be in person.

We wanted to share some warning signs when it comes to texting.

It could be a red flag…

When sending or receiving a text from a certain person causes an emotional reaction in your mind (only you will know this)

-When you or the person you are texting start exchanging emotions or personal feelings

-When you the person you are texting compliments you on a personal or physical level

-Any time you send or receive a text that you wouldn’t be able to read out loud to your spouse

-Anytime you send or receive a text that is flirtatious or sexual in nature

-Anytime you are texting someone more than you are texting your spouse

-When you share frustrations or unmet expectations with someone of the opposite sex about your own marriage

-When you send a text that compares that person with your spouse

-When you receive a text that compares you with their spouse

Words carry power. Please choose the words you text to anyone of the opposite sex wisely.

You probably don’t intend to cheat on your spouse. No one does. Inappropriate relationships can start with a text message and left unevaluated lead to a place that brings all kinds of hurt and brokenness.

If you are in a place where inappropiate texting is taking place and you feel like you don’t have a way out, please email us. Even if you’ve already crossed a line, you don’t have to cross the next one. We are here to help.


4 Responses to Check Your Texts

  1. Marla Parker

    Well said Justin. And all of it is so true. Speaking from the perspective of someone whose marriage didn’t survive an affair that began exactly as you described, I urge you, beg you in fact, if you are living this right now–stop!! I promise you that the excitement and exhilaration you feel now will not last. It will turn to pain and misery for yourself, your spouse and you children. God doesn’t use secrets to teach his children and nothing you do in secret is of Him. It’s of the enemy who knows exactly what to tempt you with. He has studied you and knows how you tick. I promise that as someone who has been picking up the pieces of my broken heart and my children’s,that what the enemy is promising you with that secret text to that person other than your spouse is a lie. No matter the issue between you and your spouse, the satisfaction and reward that you will experience if you ask God back into your marriage will never compare to what the enemy has convinced you deserve!! Please admit it, repent and rebuild with God!!

  2. Ladams

    Just so you know, I am in a marriage in recovery from porn and affair, and other tumult.  I really like your posts and keep sending them to my husband who has a men’s group.  They are direct, well written and practical.  Thanks for posting.  Take care of yourselves as you do ministry with others.