Facebook Didn’t Destroy Your Marriage
I have been praying about this post the past few days…praying that God allows me to communicate my heart in a way that makes sense and helps provoke a change of perspective.
Over the past five months there has been a trending topic that has lead hundreds of people to our blog. The #1 search topic this month on Google that has caused people to click on our blog is this search phrase: “Facebook destroyed my marriage.” While I am thankful that people who type in this phrase end up on our blog, the statement itself is so NOT true.
We have conditioned ourselves to, more often than not, treat the symptoms of our problem, rather than the problem itself. Can I just say as candidly and as lovingly as I can…Facebook doesn’t destroy anything. Facebook didn’t destroy your marriage. Facebook might be the most visible symptom of the sickness that took root in your marriage, but Facebook didn’t destroy it.
-Lack of commitment might have destroyed it
-Selfishness might have destroyed it
-Not letting go of the past might have destroyed it
-Unwillingness to forgive might have destroyed it
-Lack of sexual purity might have destroyed it
-Not committing to telling the truth at all costs might have destroyed it
-Being more in love with your job than your wife might have destroyed it
-Finding your identity in your career, your looks, your wealth, your status might have destroyed it
-Settling for co-existing rather than pursuing intimacy might have destroyed it
(You can read the list of the things that Destroyed My Marriage Here)
My guess is that your marriage was in trouble long before Facebook. Do I think that Facebook can be used as a means of escape, a way to live in a fantasy world, an opportunity to reconnect with former relationships that could get between you and your spouse? Absolutely.
But, if you are seeking to escape from your spouse rather than pursuing your spouse…Facebook isn’t your problem. If you are looking for a way to reconnect with the girl you took to prom your junior year instead of treating your wife like the prom queen, Facebook isn’t your problem. If you need to create an alternate personality, an online persona, and a profile that impresses some guy in Fargo, North Dakota more than the real you impresses your husband…Facebook isn’t your problem.
What would it look like for men and women to come clean and be honest and vulnerable and transparent with their wife or husband, no matter the cost? Could Facebook destroy that kind of commitment? How powerful would it be for husbands to love their wives with the sacrifice and unselfishness that Christ had for the Church…could Facebook simulate that? How unappealing would some girlfriend from 20 years ago be if wives were determined to honor and respect their husbands as unto the Lord?
I am not saying there aren’t some inherent dangers to online social networks. But, I am saying they aren’t the cause of your problems, they just accelerate the visual evidence of your problems.