Facebook Didn’t Destroy Your Marriage

I have been praying about this post the past few days…praying that God allows me to communicate my heart in a way that makes sense and helps provoke a change of perspective.

Over the past five months there has been a trending topic that has lead hundreds of people to our blog. The #1 search topic this month on Google that has caused people to click on our blog is this search phrase: “Facebook destroyed my marriage.” While I am thankful that people who type in this phrase end up on our blog, the statement itself is so NOT true.

We have conditioned ourselves to, more often than not, treat the symptoms of our problem, rather than the problem itself. Can I just say as candidly and as lovingly as I can…Facebook doesn’t destroy anything. Facebook didn’t destroy your marriage. Facebook might be the most visible symptom of the sickness that took root in your marriage, but Facebook didn’t destroy it.

-Lack of commitment might have destroyed it
-Selfishness might have destroyed it
-Not letting go of the past might have destroyed it
-Unwillingness to forgive might have destroyed it
-Lack of sexual purity might have destroyed it
-Not committing to telling the truth at all costs might have destroyed it
-Being more in love with your job than your wife might have destroyed it
-Finding your identity in your career, your looks, your wealth, your status might have destroyed it
-Settling for co-existing rather than pursuing intimacy might have destroyed it

(You can read the list of the things that Destroyed My Marriage Here)

My guess is that your marriage was in trouble long before Facebook. Do I think that Facebook can be used as a means of escape, a way to live in a fantasy world, an opportunity to reconnect with former relationships that could get between you and your spouse? Absolutely.

But, if you are seeking to escape from your spouse rather than pursuing your spouse…Facebook isn’t your problem. If you are looking for a way to reconnect with the girl you took to prom your junior year instead of treating your wife like the prom queen, Facebook isn’t your problem. If you need to create an alternate personality, an online persona, and a profile that impresses some guy in Fargo, North Dakota more than the real you impresses your husband…Facebook isn’t your problem.

What would it look like for men and women to come clean and be honest and vulnerable and transparent with their wife or husband, no matter the cost? Could Facebook destroy that kind of commitment? How powerful would it be for husbands to love their wives with the sacrifice and unselfishness that Christ had for the Church…could Facebook simulate that? How unappealing would some girlfriend from 20 years ago be if wives were determined to honor and respect their husbands as unto the Lord?

I am not saying there aren’t some inherent dangers to online social networks. But, I am saying they aren’t the cause of your problems, they just accelerate the visual evidence of your problems.

I may have opened up a can here, but I would love to hear your thoughts on this subject? Can Facebook destroy your marriage?

109 Responses to Facebook Didn’t Destroy Your Marriage

  1. Pingback: Did Facebook Destroy your Marriage? A Sunday Spotlight

  2. But if it is presented in a home where no one spoke of money and the issue of money ever raised in front of you so you never learned to manage money and perhaps even that it is difficult to hear the case in your marriage.

  3. Pingback: A Place For The God-Hungry » Blog Archive » Ministry Inside.11

  4. Pingback: Rhett Smith

  5. emma

    I used Facebook for a way to hurt my husband for the way he was hurting me whilst he was working away. He was never there when I called and once the hotel receptionist had to go find him in the Hotel bar because he wasnt answering his phone and our car had been broken in to! I had been alone with the children for the first time ever and was finding it very hard. He seemed not to care so I reconnected with a man I had been friendly with at school, he seemed to flirt with me so I flirted back and said some quite sexual things to him, things I wouldnt have dreamed about saying to my Husband let alone someone I hardly knew!! He found these meesages and our marriage has been in tatters every since. Although Facebook cant be blamed for this I feel that it helped me find a forum to do this where as before I wouldnt have found one????? There are obviously underlying problems but Facebook did play a huge factor!

  6. emma

    I used Facebook for a way to hurt my husband for the way he was hurting me whilst he was working away. He was never there when I called and once the hotel receptionist had to go find him in the Hotel bar because he wasnt answering his phone and our car had been broken in to! I had been alone with the children for the first time ever and was finding it very hard. He seemed not to care so I reconnected with a man I had been friendly with at school, he seemed to flirt with me so I flirted back and said some quite sexual things to him, things I wouldnt have dreamed about saying to my Husband let alone someone I hardly knew!! He found these meesages and our marriage has been in tatters every since. Although Facebook cant be blamed for this I feel that it helped me find a forum to do this where as before I wouldnt have found one????? There are obviously underlying problems but Facebook did play a huge factor!

  7. Lynne

    (PART 4)Third Problem: Adding an ex's girlfriend why is there a need to keep up with the ex's when you have your own home life with your current grilfriend to keep up with. And with adding her to his facebook page this ex's started to call and text him. and he claimed it was a friend checking up on a friend when he put his status as sick on his facebook page. He has had the same number forever and in the 2 yrs we have been together she hasnt been known to call or text him. The accelerate the visual evidence of his Selfishness and Not letting go of the past. ____Like I said before I have ask him to remove the two women and if he would have did so when I ask or atleast in a timly manner it would have displayed to me his commiment to this relationship, his unselfishness and his pat is his past and he is looking towards his future which should be me. I know this is a Chirstian blog and I dont what to be Judge, but me and my boyfriend live together and work together. I just feel that there should be a level of respect here and line drawn to keep our work life and personal seperate and adding people from your job is not doing so. I'm open to opinions,

  8. Lynne

    (PART 4)Third Problem: Adding an ex's girlfriend why is there a need to keep up with the ex's when you have your own home life with your current grilfriend to keep up with. And with adding her to his facebook page this ex's started to call and text him. and he claimed it was a friend checking up on a friend when he put his status as sick on his facebook page. He has had the same number forever and in the 2 yrs we have been together she hasnt been known to call or text him. The accelerate the visual evidence of his Selfishness and Not letting go of the past. ____Like I said before I have ask him to remove the two women and if he would have did so when I ask or atleast in a timly manner it would have displayed to me his commiment to this relationship, his unselfishness and his pat is his past and he is looking towards his future which should be me. I know this is a Chirstian blog and I dont what to be Judge, but me and my boyfriend live together and work together. I just feel that there should be a level of respect here and line drawn to keep our work life and personal seperate and adding people from your job is not doing so. I'm open to opinions,

  9. Lynne

    (PART 3)Second Problem: Befreinding a female that we both work with after the fact of me telling you me and her had a bad run in. Example they instant msg at work and now she is a facebook friend. To me showed Lack of commitment and Selfishness. Im not saying he's jumped in the bed with this women. But keeping it at Hi and bye would be approrate and keeping the peace at home. Especial if she was rude to your girlfriend then out of no where wants Instant msg you at work and be a facebook friend.

  10. Lynne

    (PART 3)Second Problem: Befreinding a female that we both work with after the fact of me telling you me and her had a bad run in. Example they instant msg at work and now she is a facebook friend. To me showed Lack of commitment and Selfishness. Im not saying he's jumped in the bed with this women. But keeping it at Hi and bye would be approrate and keeping the peace at home. Especial if she was rude to your girlfriend then out of no where wants Instant msg you at work and be a facebook friend.

  11. Lynne

    (Part 2)Problem one : I had to Find out about him having a facebook page through a co-worker HOW EMBRASSING and that accelerate the visual evidence that there is a lack of communication and Not committing to telling the truth at all costs. Because He had an open opportunity to do so when i discover he created a folder with all pictures of him self (which was the pics posted on his page) And he is not a picture person, It's just that im a photographer. But he hates taking pics ect…

  12. Lynne

    (Part 2)Problem one : I had to Find out about him having a facebook page through a co-worker HOW EMBRASSING and that accelerate the visual evidence that there is a lack of communication and Not committing to telling the truth at all costs. Because He had an open opportunity to do so when i discover he created a folder with all pictures of him self (which was the pics posted on his page) And he is not a picture person, It's just that im a photographer. But he hates taking pics ect…

  13. Lynne

    (PART 1)I totally agree with this post even though Im not married. Facebook has accelerate the visual evidence of problems in my relationship with my boyfriend. we have been together for over 2yrs here in the recent months he has created a facebook page. In the process I had to find out about his page through a co-worker on top of seeing his page and seeing that he has added ex-girlfriend and a young lady at work that I had a not so nice run it with at work. (F.Y.I Me and my boyfriend work together). I confronted him about his facebook page and asked him to remove the young lady we work with from his page and his ex's out of respect for his current relationship (me). I have ask him this numerous times and months later there still hasnt been any changes. His added friend but hasn't subtracted the two I asked him to. Now get me wrong there are plenty other females I dont know on his page but I only inquired about the two so please don't think I dont want him to have any females on his page.

  14. Lynne

    (PART 1)I totally agree with this post even though Im not married. Facebook has accelerate the visual evidence of problems in my relationship with my boyfriend. we have been together for over 2yrs here in the recent months he has created a facebook page. In the process I had to find out about his page through a co-worker on top of seeing his page and seeing that he has added ex-girlfriend and a young lady at work that I had a not so nice run it with at work. (F.Y.I Me and my boyfriend work together). I confronted him about his facebook page and asked him to remove the young lady we work with from his page and his ex's out of respect for his current relationship (me). I have ask him this numerous times and months later there still hasnt been any changes. His added friend but hasn't subtracted the two I asked him to. Now get me wrong there are plenty other females I dont know on his page but I only inquired about the two so please don't think I dont want him to have any females on his page.

  15. Trisha

    Interestingly enough my husband did reconnect with his old girlfriend on FB and they have both left their spouses and moved in together. No, FB did not destroy my marriage- it was destroyed before they even started talking.

    • Trisha, I just wanted to say how sorry I am for the choices that your husband has made. I can't imagine the pain and hurt his choices have caused you. Please know you are in our prayers. If we can serve you in any way as you move forward from this tragic time, please let us know. Thank you for your honestly in your comment.

  16. Trisha

    Interestingly enough my husband did reconnect with his old girlfriend on FB and they have both left their spouses and moved in together. No, FB did not destroy my marriage- it was destroyed before they even started talking.

    • Trisha, I just wanted to say how sorry I am for the choices that your husband has made. I can't imagine the pain and hurt his choices have caused you. Please know you are in our prayers. If we can serve you in any way as you move forward from this tragic time, please let us know. Thank you for your honestly in your comment.

  17. Pingback: Did Facebook Destroy your Marriage? A Sunday Spotlight – The Marry Blogger

  18. Pingback: Jeralynne Bobinski

  19. Justin –

    This is a terrific post…something that I have been thinking about as well – and I am going to link here because you have said it so well…and also Traylor's comments. Wow. Thanks for taking the time to point out the symptom of a much bigger disease!!!

    • TMB…just wanted to say thank you for your comments and your thoughts. Thank you also for linking your blog to ours. Together we can accomplish so much more than on our own. I appreciate your commitment through your experience to help people restore their marriages!

  20. Justin –

    This is a terrific post…something that I have been thinking about as well – and I am going to link here because you have said it so well…and also Traylor's comments. Wow. Thanks for taking the time to point out the symptom of a much bigger disease!!!

    • TMB…just wanted to say thank you for your comments and your thoughts. Thank you also for linking your blog to ours. Together we can accomplish so much more than on our own. I appreciate your commitment through your experience to help people restore their marriages!

  21. Pingback: Kristi Stone

  22. Pingback: Denara Manning

  23. Lynn

    I think that's such a great question! While I'm not married, I have seen others have a marriage torn apart for various reasons. I have also lived through my own parents rebuilding a broken marriage because they each became focused on other things than their relationship.

    I think you're right on track when you say something else destroyed the marriage, Facebook (and the internet in general) is merely a nasty symptom of something bigger. Last night I watched a NightLine episode exploring the need to cheat, and if it is something in our DNA or something we can control. They had an interview with a man who has a website for married people to find someone to cheat with. Many people argued that the site is causing people to go out and cheat on their spouses. Others stated that it is a means to find something a wandering eye was already seeking. Justin, do you think a website like that is the cause or the effect of marital problems? While it's more extreme than Facebook, these sites all have adverse effects on many relationships, even if it is simply spending time online rather than with a spouse.

  24. Lynn

    I think that's such a great question! While I'm not married, I have seen others have a marriage torn apart for various reasons. I have also lived through my own parents rebuilding a broken marriage because they each became focused on other things than their relationship.

    I think you're right on track when you say something else destroyed the marriage, Facebook (and the internet in general) is merely a nasty symptom of something bigger. Last night I watched a NightLine episode exploring the need to cheat, and if it is something in our DNA or something we can control. They had an interview with a man who has a website for married people to find someone to cheat with. Many people argued that the site is causing people to go out and cheat on their spouses. Others stated that it is a means to find something a wandering eye was already seeking. Justin, do you think a website like that is the cause or the effect of marital problems? While it's more extreme than Facebook, these sites all have adverse effects on many relationships, even if it is simply spending time online rather than with a spouse.

  25. Pingback: Chris Gunnels

  26. Pingback: Aaron Shaver

  27. Pingback: tstaires

  28. Pingback: Phil Ressler

  29. Pingback: Sarah McGalliard

  30. Pingback: Jennifer Methvin

  31. Pingback: Dave Anderson

  32. Jim

    wow…i'm talk with my wife about FB all the time…it can rear it's ugliness…

  33. Jim

    wow…i'm talk with my wife about FB all the time…it can rear it's ugliness…

  34. ROBERT

    JUSTIN , CAN YOU DEFINE SEXUAL PURITY FOR ME ? I AGREE ITS NEVER SOMETHING OR SOMEONE ELSE THAT DESTROYS IT ALWAYS ME. IF I DON'T OWN IT . I CAN'T GROW OR LEARN FROM IT.

  35. ROBERT

    JUSTIN , CAN YOU DEFINE SEXUAL PURITY FOR ME ? I AGREE ITS NEVER SOMETHING OR SOMEONE ELSE THAT DESTROYS IT ALWAYS ME. IF I DON'T OWN IT . I CAN'T GROW OR LEARN FROM IT.

  36. Tom

    As a guy married now 41 years and a pastor for 40, I'll risk weighing in here on what destroys marriages. Latest research out of Univestity of Denver by notables such as Scott Stanley says NOT LISTENING is the biggest destroyer of marriages in this country. Epidemic, and yes, I am a carrier (Tom, I just don't think you're listening). Daily. I think there's enough evidence to show that tabasco sauce, rope swings and overindulgence in church activities has killed a lot of marriages. Gotta go…Betty is trying to catch my attention.

  37. Tom

    As a guy married now 41 years and a pastor for 40, I'll risk weighing in here on what destroys marriages. Latest research out of Univestity of Denver by notables such as Scott Stanley says NOT LISTENING is the biggest destroyer of marriages in this country. Epidemic, and yes, I am a carrier (Tom, I just don't think you're listening). Daily. I think there's enough evidence to show that tabasco sauce, rope swings and overindulgence in church activities has killed a lot of marriages. Gotta go…Betty is trying to catch my attention.

  38. JMP

    I think one of the reasons that it's difficult for many of us to admit our own sinfulness and accept responsibility for our actions is that we are conditioned by pop-culture, the mainstream media, and especially Madison ave to think that there is always something (like Facebook) or someone (like my spouse) to blame for our mistakes. We have become the "It's not my fault" generation … There are millions of adult users of Facebook. If you simply go by the statistics on divorce in the US, Canada, and Western Europe you could legitimately say that well over half of those adults are either divorced or are in their 2nd (or 3+) marriage. It seems that like Israel we've forgotten God's Word and fallen into a state of rebellion. God's plan has always been for marriage to be a permanent monogamous bond between a man and woman.

    I pray that If someone believes that using Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, or any other social networking site has led to the ultimate death of his/her marriage they will seek Christain couple counseling and try to get to the "real" reasons that the so-called grass appears greener.

  39. JMP

    I think one of the reasons that it's difficult for many of us to admit our own sinfulness and accept responsibility for our actions is that we are conditioned by pop-culture, the mainstream media, and especially Madison ave to think that there is always something (like Facebook) or someone (like my spouse) to blame for our mistakes. We have become the "It's not my fault" generation … There are millions of adult users of Facebook. If you simply go by the statistics on divorce in the US, Canada, and Western Europe you could legitimately say that well over half of those adults are either divorced or are in their 2nd (or 3+) marriage. It seems that like Israel we've forgotten God's Word and fallen into a state of rebellion. God's plan has always been for marriage to be a permanent monogamous bond between a man and woman.

    I pray that If someone believes that using Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, or any other social networking site has led to the ultimate death of his/her marriage they will seek Christain couple counseling and try to get to the "real" reasons that the so-called grass appears greener.

  40. Well said, Justin.

    I totally agree. And my husband and I have similar safeguards on FB like other people have mentioned above. and I love what Traylor said.

  41. Well said, Justin.

    I totally agree. And my husband and I have similar safeguards on FB like other people have mentioned above. and I love what Traylor said.

  42. Justin,

    Thank you for being willing to speak with such authority over something that is such a huge wound in your life. God really has taken your Mess and made it your Message. Thank you for speaking truth bro. You guys are amazing.

    Sincerely,

    Blake

  43. Justin,

    Thank you for being willing to speak with such authority over something that is such a huge wound in your life. God really has taken your Mess and made it your Message. Thank you for speaking truth bro. You guys are amazing.

    Sincerely,

    Blake

  44. Great post JD.

    Here's a couple of safeguards my wife and I have:
    1) We have both agreed not to "friend" anyone we've previously had a relationship with.
    2) We each know the other person's facebook login and password info
    3) We treat FB chat just as if it were happening in real life. I do not have any chat conversations my wife doesn't know about with women, and vice versa.
    4) We take advantage of the security and group features on FB to prevent any weirdness. (ie: There is a very small number of people that actually can "see" me online and offer to chat.)

    Hope maybe these suggestions might help someone out there.

    • Jerm…great, great stuff! Trish and I have very similar safeguards. Not because we don't trust each other, but because we want to trust each other more deeply. I love your list!

    • Very good. This is what I think every married man and woman should do to be accountable to each other on FB… And yes I agree it is not the key cause of destroying marriages. There are root rot deeper as listed above…. However we also are accountable to God as to where, with and what we are company to lest we be lead by them or it into sin. His word tells us we will be weakened if we expose ourselves to such……

    • Very good. This is what I think every married man and woman should do to be accountable to each other on FB… And yes I agree it is not the key cause of destroying marriages. There are root rot deeper as listed above…. However we also are accountable to God as to where, with and what we are company to lest we be lead by them or it into sin. His word tells us we will be weakened if we expose ourselves to such……

  45. Great post JD.

    Here's a couple of safeguards my wife and I have:
    1) We have both agreed not to "friend" anyone we've previously had a relationship with.
    2) We each know the other person's facebook login and password info
    3) We treat FB chat just as if it were happening in real life. I do not have any chat conversations my wife doesn't know about with women, and vice versa.
    4) We take advantage of the security and group features on FB to prevent any weirdness. (ie: There is a very small number of people that actually can "see" me online and offer to chat.)

    Hope maybe these suggestions might help someone out there.

    • Jerm…great, great stuff! Trish and I have very similar safeguards. Not because we don't trust each other, but because we want to trust each other more deeply. I love your list!

    • Very good. This is what I think every married man and woman should do to be accountable to each other on FB… And yes I agree it is not the key cause of destroying marriages. There are root rot deeper as listed above…. However we also are accountable to God as to where, with and what we are company to lest we be lead by them or it into sin. His word tells us we will be weakened if we expose ourselves to such……

    • Very good. This is what I think every married man and woman should do to be accountable to each other on FB… And yes I agree it is not the key cause of destroying marriages. There are root rot deeper as listed above…. However we also are accountable to God as to where, with and what we are company to lest we be lead by them or it into sin. His word tells us we will be weakened if we expose ourselves to such……

  46. Kerry

    I dunno…seemed like everything was perfect in everyone's marriage until this Facebook thing came along…
    :>)
    You rock, brutha. Keep 'em comin'!
    kc

  47. Brooker

    So, as your single girl..I was wondering if I can have a FB profile that impresses some guy in Fargo, North Dakota? Wait, never mind…I don't think people even live in Fargo.

    Great job (as always) JD, good thoughts and great writting! Kuddos! You are doing awesome!!!!

    ♥Brooker

    • Brooker…you are more than welcome to create a persona or profile that will allow you to snag a guy in Fargo ND ๐Ÿ™‚ Thanks for your encouragement!

  48. Kerry

    I dunno…seemed like everything was perfect in everyone's marriage until this Facebook thing came along…
    :>)
    You rock, brutha. Keep 'em comin'!
    kc

  49. Brooker

    So, as your single girl..I was wondering if I can have a FB profile that impresses some guy in Fargo, North Dakota? Wait, never mind…I don't think people even live in Fargo.

    Great job (as always) JD, good thoughts and great writting! Kuddos! You are doing awesome!!!!

    ♥Brooker

    • Brooker…you are more than welcome to create a persona or profile that will allow you to snag a guy in Fargo ND ๐Ÿ™‚ Thanks for your encouragement!

  50. Aponemo Time

    Bingo! If you were a gymnast you’d get a 10 for sticking your landing.

    Lack of personal responsibility. Selfishness. Two sides of the same coin. We live in a consumer society that is all about me and everything is dispoable – even people.

    How much better would relationships be – marriage, family, friends, church, work – be if even just one party would stop obsessing over the other party’s faults and instead obsessed over – and acted upon – how best to model Christ-like behavior in all they do?

    And if both parties did that…well, there’s a definition of nirvana, in my book.

    Thank you for having the courage to say the things that need to be said.

  51. Aponemo Time

    Bingo! If you were a gymnast you’d get a 10 for sticking your landing.

    Lack of personal responsibility. Selfishness. Two sides of the same coin. We live in a consumer society that is all about me and everything is dispoable – even people.

    How much better would relationships be – marriage, family, friends, church, work – be if even just one party would stop obsessing over the other party’s faults and instead obsessed over – and acted upon – how best to model Christ-like behavior in all they do?

    And if both parties did that…well, there’s a definition of nirvana, in my book.

    Thank you for having the courage to say the things that need to be said.

  52. Excellent Post. Working in Celebrate Recovery ministry at our church, I see this all the time…and did the same thing in my life. I blamed my husband's addicition to alcohol for my unhappiness, when all the while, I never looked inside myself to see my part in this family disease. Through God and my sponsor I have been able to work through those defects and move on to a deeper relationship with God.

    Facebook can't destroy your marriage, but it can and is used as an escape from reality.

  53. Excellent Post. Working in Celebrate Recovery ministry at our church, I see this all the time…and did the same thing in my life. I blamed my husband's addicition to alcohol for my unhappiness, when all the while, I never looked inside myself to see my part in this family disease. Through God and my sponsor I have been able to work through those defects and move on to a deeper relationship with God.

    Facebook can't destroy your marriage, but it can and is used as an escape from reality.

  54. Tracie Rose

    Exceptional post… so right on for many!

    This post will be shared with everyone I know and can lend itself to so many other "online" addictive issues where that behavior has been blamed for the cause of the fallout – when, in turn, it is the individual deflecting the blame to avoid confronting their own issues.

    Well written!

  55. Tracie Rose

    Exceptional post… so right on for many!

    This post will be shared with everyone I know and can lend itself to so many other "online" addictive issues where that behavior has been blamed for the cause of the fallout – when, in turn, it is the individual deflecting the blame to avoid confronting their own issues.

    Well written!

  56. Fantastic post and very well said!

    Facebook provides yet another venue to look at life through the "grass is greener on the other side" lens. When marriages are on shaky ground and lack intimacy, we can use most anything as an escape…Facebook, work, pornography, games, TV, etc., etc.

    Facebook provides the opportunity to reconnect with folks from our past and play the "what-if" game, if we allow ourselves to do that. Let's face it…no one is going to put up bad pictures of themselves on Facebook. So what ends up happening is that when we are looking at our spouse negatively we are magnifying all of his/her negative traits and comparing those negative traits to the positive traits of the other person on Facebook. It is a totally unfair comparison!

    No one is posting pictures of laundry that needs to be picked up, photos of themselves when they are throwing up or otherwise sick, photos with bedhead and on and on we can go. If we find ourselves comparing our current spouse to people we are reconnecting with on Facebook, we must realize that that is a slippery slope and completely unfair. Intimacy in a marriage takes work and frankly, most of us don't want to put in the effort. Many people got married with the expectation that it was their spouse's responsibility to make them happy and to meet their needs. We all are broken individuals in one way or another and marriage provides a searching spotlight that exposes our sin unlike any other relationship. Rather than try to blame shift and compare, we must try hard to out repent our spouse and be quick to say I'm sorry.

    Thank you for pointing out that Facebook can be a symptom to a deeper problem and is not the problem itself.

    God bless!
    Traylor

    • Rose

      Thanks Traylor. Your words paint a very true picture. Thanks for sharing them.

    • Traylor! Wow…I want to copy and past your comment and make it its own blog post…powerful and truthful stuff! Thank you!

  57. Fantastic post and very well said!

    Facebook provides yet another venue to look at life through the "grass is greener on the other side" lens. When marriages are on shaky ground and lack intimacy, we can use most anything as an escape…Facebook, work, pornography, games, TV, etc., etc.

    Facebook provides the opportunity to reconnect with folks from our past and play the "what-if" game, if we allow ourselves to do that. Let's face it…no one is going to put up bad pictures of themselves on Facebook. So what ends up happening is that when we are looking at our spouse negatively we are magnifying all of his/her negative traits and comparing those negative traits to the positive traits of the other person on Facebook. It is a totally unfair comparison!

    No one is posting pictures of laundry that needs to be picked up, photos of themselves when they are throwing up or otherwise sick, photos with bedhead and on and on we can go. If we find ourselves comparing our current spouse to people we are reconnecting with on Facebook, we must realize that that is a slippery slope and completely unfair. Intimacy in a marriage takes work and frankly, most of us don't want to put in the effort. Many people got married with the expectation that it was their spouse's responsibility to make them happy and to meet their needs. We all are broken individuals in one way or another and marriage provides a searching spotlight that exposes our sin unlike any other relationship. Rather than try to blame shift and compare, we must try hard to out repent our spouse and be quick to say I'm sorry.

    Thank you for pointing out that Facebook can be a symptom to a deeper problem and is not the problem itself.

    God bless!
    Traylor

    • Rose

      Thanks Traylor. Your words paint a very true picture. Thanks for sharing them.

    • Traylor! Wow…I want to copy and past your comment and make it its own blog post…powerful and truthful stuff! Thank you!

  58. love it, can't argue with it in the least. I used to be jealous of Twitter, Blogging, Email and all the social media friends my wife had. Then we fixed our marriage, now we enjoy that world together instead of one us escaping there.

    Keep up the great work!

  59. love it, can't argue with it in the least. I used to be jealous of Twitter, Blogging, Email and all the social media friends my wife had. Then we fixed our marriage, now we enjoy that world together instead of one us escaping there.

    Keep up the great work!

  60. Home run, man. Grand slam home run.

    We live in a society where you're practically conditioned to blame someone else or something else for your failures instead of taking personal responsibility for things. Facebook is just the latest in a long line of things like alcoholism or porn that take your focus off the things that we're called to do in our lives like show complete love and devotion to our wives (even if they don't return the favor.)

  61. Home run, man. Grand slam home run.

    We live in a society where you're practically conditioned to blame someone else or something else for your failures instead of taking personal responsibility for things. Facebook is just the latest in a long line of things like alcoholism or porn that take your focus off the things that we're called to do in our lives like show complete love and devotion to our wives (even if they don't return the favor.)

  62. cshell

    Selfishness has destroyed every part of my life…even now, after God has shown me my selfishness and the destruction it has caused, it is a daily battle for me.

    My daughter and I just had a talk last night about every time she does something "wrong" or makes a "bad decision" she blames it on something or someone else…it is never her. I/WE are SO much like that…so no, FB, would not be the root of the problem in my opinion.

    There are definite paramaters that need to be set for a husband/wife as they use FB, but FB in itself is just an excuse in missing the heart issues.

    • @cshell…thank you so much for your honesty. I have had the same conversations with my boys. It is so easy for us to blame.

  63. cshell

    Selfishness has destroyed every part of my life…even now, after God has shown me my selfishness and the destruction it has caused, it is a daily battle for me.

    My daughter and I just had a talk last night about every time she does something "wrong" or makes a "bad decision" she blames it on something or someone else…it is never her. I/WE are SO much like that…so no, FB, would not be the root of the problem in my opinion.

    There are definite paramaters that need to be set for a husband/wife as they use FB, but FB in itself is just an excuse in missing the heart issues.

    • @cshell…thank you so much for your honesty. I have had the same conversations with my boys. It is so easy for us to blame.

  64. No because I am not on FB. But I am aware of the truth that other things can. I think you hit it. The marriage was in trouble and FB may have magnified the issues.

  65. No because I am not on FB. But I am aware of the truth that other things can. I think you hit it. The marriage was in trouble and FB may have magnified the issues.