In Pursuit Part 2

On Tuesday, Justin wrote about the art of pursuing your wife so today I thought I’d tackle the art of pursuing your husband. So often after we get married we lose our tenacity to pursue one another like we did when we were dating. What once was a blissful opportunity to show how much we love our husbands some how becomes an obligation after we are married.

Wives… think about your “To DO List” today. If you’re anything like me “pursing your husband” probably didn’t make the top 5 on your list. I’m already cleaning the house, taking care of the kids and doing the things HE asked of me so why on earth would have to pursue him more? This was my mind set for the first ten years of our marriage. I used being a busy mom of three young boys and my responsibilities at church as an excuse not to take the time to pursue Justin.

Pursuing Justin didn’t carry urgency and most times I would give him my leftovers. It took us being separated for me to recognize that pursuing Justin is foundational to grow in our relationship. If the definition of pursuit is the “act of chasing after something” then the opposite would be drifting. You don’t drift into a healthy marriage.

Drifting means to “wander from a set course” and drifting is what comes naturally. Often times we beat ourselves up over the fact that pursuing our husband doesn’t come naturally and in our defeat choose to do nothing. Pursuing is an act. It’s a choice you make everyday to show your husband that he is worth chasing after.

Here are three ways I pursue Justin…

1. Making myself AVAILABLE for physical intimacy. Husbands are applauding and wives are rolling their eyes. Its ok… I can take it :). In all seriousness Justin and I have accepted the reality that his sexual drive is greater than mine. He’s not disappointed in me and I’m not frustrated with him.  Because it’s not first on my list I have to be intentional about pursuing him in a way that makes him feel valued and not an obligation.

2. Physical Intimacy    Just kidding…. But it’s true 🙂

2. Daily words of affirmation. If I’m not careful, in a house full of boys it’s easy for me to slip into a pattern of noticing how they don’t do things LIKE ME rather than appreciate that they got the job done. So I have to daily pursue seeing the good and express it with my words. Sometimes just saying “thank you” is all the words he needs but “your hot” will work too 🙂

3. Praying for him. When I take the time to pray specifically for Justin often times God will prompt me to do something for him I would never have thought of on my own. Some of my most cherished memories with Justin have come through promptings from God.

Help us out…how do you pursue your husband?

8 Responses to In Pursuit Part 2

  1. Mom J

    Pops told me this a long time ago, and I may have posted it before, but it’s worth saying again anyway.  “Men like to be needed, but they don’t like “needy” women.”  I love this because it gives me an opportunity to be a strong woman in my own right, yet I need him to be my covering, my protector.  I tell him a lot that he’s my knight in shining armor.  Now all we need is to get a horse.   (I.e., get away for a weekend LOL!)   Great post Trish!

    • Mzdina

      I think that this was an issue for me…im very independent and i believe that i behaved as if i didnt need my  husband …..and in all honesty, i didnt because i was a single mom, worked, paid my own bills..blah blah blah….but I should have toned it down..let him lead a bit more… the same token, as u stated, if i seemed to needy, it was a turn off to him…..and they say we’re confused and in decisive… are nuts!

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  3. The drift thing scares me because it can be so subtle and when life gets busy you don’t even realize how much you’ve drifted. I think the lines of communication always have to be open.  I often come out and directly ask my husband…are we okay?  Are there any areas we need to work on?  If there are issues, I don’t want them swept under the rug, I want to address them.

  4. Abstarks4

    I take the time to be in contact throughout the day by texting or calling or leaving a note..saying how much I want him, love him or appreciate him.

  5. I got a laugh from 2a. I love the sense of humor. I really enjoyed the part about Pursuit Vs. Drifting. I never thought about how it’s always going one of the two ways. Drift to long and not even an SOS can help you. However, with failure comes great wisdom. Grateful for you both!

  6. Lori H

    Love this Trisha!  Great post, challenging and much needed!