The Secret Sauce to a Great Marriage

Everyone wants the secret formula to a great marriage. We all desire to thrive in the relationship that we value most. But the reality is desire isn’t enough. If desire was what it took to have an amazing marriage, we’d all have the marriage of our dreams.

Our choices have to be greater than our intentions. The problem for many of us is that we only respond when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change. So often we wait until there is a crisis before we take the necessary steps to improve our marriage.

One of the biggest mistakes we made in our marriage was waiting until there was an affair to pursue the marriage we both longed to have.

Most marriages fall into this trap. It isn’t until someone’s bags are packed or someone has been kicked out or someone says they are done before we are willing to change. By that time, the issues seem so big, it is a mountain that appears insurmountable. It feels hopeless.

What if the marriage that you deeply desire wasn’t a huge mountain to climb, but simply a series of small decisions made over time? What if you started to do the things that caused you to fall in love in the first place?

  • What if you you took time to intentionally listen to her tonight?
  • What if you genuinely complimented him for how hard he works?
  • What if you chose (not because you were guilted into it) to not work late this week and you made it home for dinner each night?
  • What if you determined to tell the truth about little things so that your spouse knew you were telling the truth in the big things?
  • What if you got a babysitter and went out on a date a couple of times this month?
  • What if you told her how beautiful she is. (Without trying to get her to have sex with you)
  • What if you reminded him how attracted you are to him? (And then initiated sex)
  • What if you shared what you love about each other rather than spewing what you can’t stand?
  • What if you made her breakfast?
  • What if you got him a gift card to Best Buy?

We don’t have to wait for a crisis before we pursue the marriage we desire.

The goal of RefineUs isn’t crisis management…it is crisis prevention.

How does a good marriage go bad? A little at a time.

How does a bad marriage go good? A little at a time.

2 Responses to The Secret Sauce to a Great Marriage

  1. This is such fantastic truth. It’s the little things, done daily, that have the greatest impact. The choices you make every day will either move your marriage forward or backward. You get to choose.

  2. Doris

    What if I have done all this and he still says, “I can’t do this anymore, I am leaving” We are signed up for your conference in Lakeland, FL on Saturday. Each day, I am feeling a bit more hopeless. He says, I am forcing him.