Why Every Wife Should Lead Spiritually

One of the resources we have created at RefineUs is what we call MentorUs. It is a 52 week program that is emailed out to those that subscribe each week. You can find more info about it HERE. A few weeks ago, Trisha wrote one of the best perspectives I”ve read on spiritual leadership as a female. It was so good and spiritual leadership in marriage is such an abstract subject that I wanted to share it with the entire RefineUs community.

We have been talking this month about spiritual leadership. If your anything like me (Trisha) you give a big eye-roll and a three point snap as if to say “ya, ya, ya I’ve heard it all before, just let my husband lead”. For years this was my view of spiritual leadership. For years this was the statement I heard over and over again.  What I’ve come to learn is that God has created this sacred and beautiful role that has as much to do with leadership as it does with submission. I’m not implying as wives we should take the role of the leader in our marriage but rather recognize that God is calling us to lead in our role as a helper.

RefineUs Principle: Every marriage should have a culture of mutual submission and mutual leadership. 

Maybe you struggle with taking over the leadership role because you feel your husband isn’t leading how he should. Maybe you believe your role as a wife means to allow your husband to lead everything. Neither perspective is biblical and neither leads to a healthy marriage.

If you tend to take the leadership role over your husband you will live in constant frustration of feeling like you’re never on the same page. On the flip side if you expect your husband to take care of everything you will be come resentful that you don’t have a voice or opinion.

1 Corinthians 11:3 “But I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.”

From the time Jesus was a small boy he knew that God the Father was the ultimate leader of his life. Jesus spent his time here on earth illuminating God’s leadership not trying to steal the limelight. What I love about Jesus’ relationship with the Father is that even though He knew God was the “head” Jesus had a clear view of the leadership role God had called him to. Jesus was fully known by the Father and had a sacred trust that allowed him to say yes to the cross so that WE then could be a part of this sacred relationship.

Jesus’ leadership is a great example of how he is calling us as wives to lead. Although Jesus was under the Father’s leadership he still had to choose to take an active role in the mission God had given him. God’s plan for you is to take an active role as a wife rather than only being a passive observer in your family.

Read what it says in Proverbs 31:

“Her husband is well known at the city gates,
where he sits with the other civic leaders.
She makes belted linen garments
and sashes to sell to the merchants.
She is clothed with strength and dignity,
and she laughs without fear of the future.
When she speaks, her words are wise,
and she gives instructions with kindness.
She carefully watches everything in her household
and suffers nothing from laziness.”

1. In order to lead well you first need to know who YOU are. 

Verse 24a it says, “she makes things and sells them”. I am not saying you need to start making your own clothes and selling them but what I am saying is you need to know what your gifts are.

What are good at?
What do you enjoy doing?
What do those around you tell you you’re good at?
What can you do to grow in those gifts?

When you know who you are you are then equipped to figure out how you can use it to give God glory and be a helper to your husband and family.

2. In order to lead you have to take time for yourself.

Verse 25, 26 says, “she is clothed in strength and dignity. She laughs and gives kind words.” If you are constantly allowing others to dictate what you do with your time and talents you will be constantly worn out. You have to take control of what you say yes to and what to say no to.

What brings you rest?
How do you best connect with God?
Are you a night owl or a morning person?
What makes you laugh and feel joy?

3. In order to lead you have to choose to lead. 

“She carefully watches everything in her household
and suffers nothing from laziness.”

This has nothing to do with your house being spotless but rather everything to do with being actively involved with her home. If you are over committed, over cluttered and overwhelmed your household suffers. You will have to choose to take an active roll in leading in the areas that matter.

Leading spiritually means being a great follower so you can lead in the areas God has called you.

How have you/do you view spiritual leadership in your home? 

2 Responses to Why Every Wife Should Lead Spiritually

  1. Kathryn

    So many women are overburdened trying to be the “Proverbs 31 wife” – the irony of it all is, in ancient Jewish tradition, it was the HUSBAND who was supposed to memorize Proverbs 31, so that he understood how to praise, appreicate, and understand his wife! “Let her works bring her praise”

  2. This post really speaks to me. I struggle with over committing myself to “Good things” then feel stressed and tired. God has been speaking to me about this but I’m a slow learner. 🙂

    Thanks for this message.