5 Mistakes Young Couples Make

Mistakes in any marriage are inevitable. No one is perfect so naturally two imperfect people spending their lives together has the predicability of mistakes. But there are some mistakes that carry heavier weight than others. There are some mistakes that start small when you first get married but have a snowball effect the longer we’re married.

The mistakes we make in marriage have the potential to be used to help us grow or to carry momentum to more mistakes. This summer, Trish and I celebrate our 18th wedding anniversary. With each passing year our passion to help young couples avoid some marriage mistakes grows stronger.

If we can save couples from the mistakes we made, then those mistakes were worth it. While these mistakes will apply to any marriage, I wanted to list some mistakes we made early on in our marriage that had a building effect.

If they are identified early the damage is minimal. If they are left unto themselves, the damage multiplies over years.

Here are 5 mistakes many young couples make and how to avoid them:

1. Keep score

There is a temptation early in marriage to keep score with you spouse. You want to win an argument. You want to prove a point. You are tired of being wrong. You don’t want to be taken for granted. It is easy to begin to keep score with you spouse. You want them to know the last time they messed up. You remind them of the dishes you’ve done or the clothes you’ve washed. You want them to know the score.Keeping score is a huge mistake because it immediately puts you and your spouse on separate teams.

How do you avoid keeping score? Remind each other that you are in this together. Believe the best about your spouse. Assuming the worst will always put you and your spouse on separate teams, keeping score. When you believe the best you are saying, “I’m for you” and being for each other changes everything.

2. Focus on next not now

It is so easy in life and marriage to wish you were in a different stage than the one you are in right now. When you live in an apartment, you long for a house. When you move into a house you wish you had money for home improvement.

When you get out of college you really want to get a job. You get the job and can’t wait till you get promoted. You then start wishing for a better job, a more important job.

It is easy to do the same thing when we have kids. No matter what stage of life our kids are in, it is easy to believe that life will be easier when they get to the next stage.

There is nothing wrong with focusing on the future…unless it robs us of the joy of the present. I spent so many years of our marriage waiting for the next stage to bring me happiness that I missed out on the joy that was available in the stage of life I was in. If we aren’t careful, focusing on next will create a sense of discontentment that will affect every aspect of our life.

How do you not make this mistake? Begin to appreciate the stage of life you are in right now. Write down the things you are experiencing right now that you will never get back. Realizing that this stage of your marriage or this stage of your kids life is a once in a lifetime stage helps us appreciate it more.

Those are two of the five mistakes we want to help you avoid. Come back tomorrow and I’ll share the last three.

Anyone else struggle with these two mistakes?