5 Things I Wish I Knew Before I Became a Parent
Aug 28, 2022Trisha and I got married the summer before my senior year in college. We were 20 and 21 years old, respectively. Four months after we got married, Trisha got pregnant. We didn’t know all that we didn’t know about parenting. As Micah, our oldest son prepares to go to high school, I’ve thought through some of the things I wish I would have known before I became a parent.
1. My Words Mean Less Than My Actions.
There is a part of all of us that know this. Somehow, as a parent, I believed the rules were different with my kids. I believed they would pay more attention to what I said and not what I did. It took our marital meltdown and separation to allow me to see how much I shape my kids with my attitude, my actions and my tone of voice….not just my words.
2. Time Goes Faster the Older My Kids Get
Obviously, this isn’t scientifically true, but it is parentally true. When my boys were younger they hung out with Trisha and I a lot. We went to the mall together; we went to ball games together; we went out to eat together. As they get older, they continue to do those things, but they do them with their friends and not us. The time we have together isn’t as much as when they were little. I wish I realized how fast time would go the older they get. It makes the next lesson even more important.
3. There is No Substitute for Dinner Together.
Trisha and I talk a lot about how upset she would get with me for being home late for dinner. Looking back now on 15 years of parenting, I am so glad she stood strong on this value. There is no substitute for eating dinner together. We try to do this at least 3-4 times per week. Conversation that would never happen, happens at dinner. We catch up. We tell stories. We are dialed in with each other. There is no substitute.
4. My Kids Need Me to Lead Spiritually
So often when we talk about spiritual leadership, the thought is that we should impose our faith on our kids and make sure they go to church or read their Bible or listen to Christian music. Those things are important, but that isn’t leading spiritually. Leading spiritually is living out my faith in view of my kids. Allowing them to see my journey with God; what He is teaching me; how He is growing my faith; choosing what is right even when it is hard. As I allow God to lead me personally, that spills over into my marriage and parenting in a way that gives me credibility to lead my boys.
5. The Quality of My Marriage Impacts My Relationship with My Kids
The way that I treat Trisha directly affects the way that my boys treat her. When I am not investing in my marriage the way that I need to, it is easier for them to take their mom for granted and talk to her in disrespectful ways. They need to know she is a priority in my life. I am not just raising boys; I am raising future husbands. What I do models for them what I believe a husband should do. I want to lead them to be great husbands by investing in my own marriage. It makes a huge difference.
