An Expectation that Will Never Be Met

Most people only communicate what they expect from a relationship after they have been disappointed or let down. So many of us are unhappy in our marriage, unhappy in a relationship, dissatisfied with a friend because the relationship isn’t what we thought it would be. More accurately it isn’t what we expected it would be.

We have the opportunity to talk to couples all of the time about unmet expectations. Our first question when a husband or wife expresses their frustration about an unmet expectation is, “Have you told your wife that you desire that?” “Have you told your husband you expect that?” Most of the time the answer is no.

When the answer is yes, the expectations people have are usually spewed out during an argument.

Saying things in anger will never change someone’s heart. Correcting your spouse might change how your wife acts or how your husband behaves for a day or two, but lashing out and demanding expectations will never turn a person’s heart closer to another. When an expectation is shared during an argument, it’s usually too late to do any good.

Can we share a secret with you that we have learned the hard way? This will apply to your friendships, to your work relationships, to your relationship with your kids, in your marriage…

Unspoken expectations will always grow into unmet expectations.

Maybe you are unhappy in your marriage right now. Maybe you wonder how you and your spouse could have drifted so far apart. Maybe you are constantly frustrated that your needs, your desires, your expectations aren’t being met.

Here is the question we have for you today: Have you communicated your expectations outside the context of an argument?

Expectations are most naturally shared as we spend time with one another. Maybe its going out for breakfast; maybe its staying up an extra hour; maybe its going out on a date and having an actual conversation. This conversation should probably start with, “I want you to know that I own half of this issue. Half of the disappointment I have is because I haven’t communicated well.”

When expectations are communicated clearly, calmly and in a desire to grow…relationships flourish.

Do you expect your spouse to meet expectations that you keep silent?