Back on the Same Page

Trish and I have a key phrase we use when we feel distance in our marriage. We use this when we can tell we are just not hitting on all cylinders. One of us will say what we both are feeling: “I don’t feel like we’re on the same page.” It could be about finances. It might be about parenting or house work or travel schedule or quality time together.

This phrase is important because it is a statement designed to get us back on the same page. Unity. Togetherness. Teammates. That is both our desire, but we drift. Here are a few things we leverage to move from different pages to the same page. I’m pretty sure they’ll move you onto the same page with your spouse as well.

(They ARE in a particular order.)

1. Prayer

I know that we beat this drum a lot, but we’ll keep preaching it. Only 6% of Christian couples pray together. So we have a lot of room for improvement. Everything that will be listed after this are all limited by human emotion, human reasoning, and human power. Prayer unlocks the power of the Holy Spirit in your marriage. Prayer paves the way for wise decisions, forgiveness, communication, patience…the list goes on and on. You want to change your marriage, pray for your spouse. You want to radically change your marriage, pray with your spouse.

2. Time Together

It is really difficult to stay on the same page with someone, when you spend no time together. You can’t grow in intimacy with your spouse if you aren’t spending time together. I have seen this play out in my own marriage recently. We have been burning the candle at both ends for the past month. We have been gone a lot and haven’t prioritized date nights or time together. No matter how good your marriage, it will catch up to you.

3. Forgiveness

There are very few things that will eat away at unity like resentment. When someone is truly sorry for their actions and one spouse doesn’t forgive, unity and oneness is broken. How do you know if you struggle with this? Look at your arguments: When you are arguing with your spouse do you bring up stuff from the past that has nothing to do with the argument? Do you say at the end of the argument “We always fight about the same thing!” Forgiveness keeps no record of wrongs.

4. Vulnerability

This is a willingness to bare your soul to your spouse, knowing that whom you are sharing with can be trusted and what you are sharing is valued. There have been times that I’ve asked Trisha what was wrong and she told me, and it was really hard to hear. We’ve had conversations about pornography, lust, insecurity, betrayal, unresolved anger, fear, disappointment…the conversations aren’t easy, but they are life giving. This is so important to unity and oneness.

5. Physical Intimacy

If you have ignored the previous four things, number five will be very infrequent. That is why it is so important to invest in your marriage in the other areas, so that your sex life can be healthy as well. From God’s perspective, physical intimacy is not only the physical representation of the oneness you have in Christ, but also it is used in a very real way to help guard against temptation and overcome the lies of the enemy. The bottom line is your sex life will give you an indication of the unity level of your marriage.

How do you stay on the same page with your spouse?