Forgiveness Misunderstood
Aug 28, 2022If you are reading this post then you most likely have struggled with forgiveness. Most of us have a story of being mistreated, betrayed, abused and the list could go on and on. Being a Christian and not forgiving the person(s) that hurt you seems to make no sense all. But lets be honest, even when we think we should forgive we have no idea what that means in the context of OUR own story. Forgiveness can be so frustrating!
Going back to Matthew 18:23-33 and the parable of the Unmerciful Servant, Jesus paints a picture of a servant that owed a great debt to his master. The master chooses to forgive the servant’s large debt completely! The servant then returns home only to demand that one of his servants pay him back in full the small amount he was owed.
The servant was “wicked” because although he was forgiven for his HUGE debt he wouldn’t forgive his servant’s small debt. See this story makes sense right?
But then we realize…oh wait… God are you telling me that I am the unmerciful servant because I won’t forgive…
- My spouse that cheated on me?
- The man who raped me?
- The mother-in-law who constantly puts me down in front of my kids?
- The drunk driver that took the life of my teenage daughter?
- My dad that left me?
- My business partner that cheated my family out of everything we own?
- The church that said they had my back until I screwed-up or was no longer needed?
Seriously, God you are trying to tell me THAT I represent the unmerciful servant?
A couple of months after Justin moved home I felt like God was calling me to write a letter to the “other woman.” I needed to tell her I forgave her. I wanted her to know God had given me eyes to see that the affair was a manifestation of a deeper brokenness within both of them. I told her I loved her and her family and would miss them no longer being a part of my life. The freedom I felt after sending the letter was amazing. I felt like I had closed that chapter of my life (even though I sobbed for days before sending it). Now it was time to move on… so I thought.
Months went by and then years and I never received a response. Over time I felt myself spiraling into that deep place of pain… AGAIN. Slowly the feelings of anger and bitterness started to creep in. I poured my heart out, forgave her, extended grace and she doesn’t even respond?
I think I had offered forgiveness the best way I knew how. What I later realized was that my understanding of forgiveness was really not forgiveness at all.
I thought I was the “Master” forgiving her of her great debt. She was the unmerciful servant never responding to me! But by God’s grace I came to realize what each of you probably don’t want to hear. I realized that I, too, am the unmerciful servant when I choose not to forgive freely!
Jesus died for MY SINS when he did nothing wrong. He was spit at, cursed at, beaten, abused, and hung on a cross to die a slow death so that I could have eternal life. Jesus taught me through his death that forgiveness is not ONLY about giving it freely but that he UNDERSTANDS YOUR PAIN!
Whatever your story, whatever your hurt He knows and understands. Forgiveness is a gift from the Father that gives freedom and life.
Forgiveness is painful. It may at first feel like you are being crucified when trying to forgive. Forgiveness may never make sense and reconciliation may never happen. With or without forgiveness you will feel pain. But what I have learned is that each time I choose to forgive I am set free and healing takes place.
Forgiveness is what has allowed this blog to come into fruition. Forgiveness has allowed me to love Justin in ways I never thought possible. Forgiveness is knowing that if I ever see the “other woman” I would run to her, hug her and tell her I miss her.
Forgiveness leads to freedom.
