God Hates Divorce

We received an email this weekend that broke my heart. It was from a woman desperate for our advice.

She had a vision for her marriage. She dreamed of happily ever after. She never wanted to her marriage to be ordinary. She thought the longer she was married the happier she’d be.

Her vision was drastically different than the life she’s lived the past 18 months. Her marriage seems beyond repair. Her husband has left. He has no desire to reconcile. He is done. She is terrified of divorce.

My paraphrase of her questions to us: “What am I supposed to do? I’m a Christian and I know God hates divorce. What should I do?”

Her reference to God “hating divorce” comes from Malachi 2:16. It is a passage that we often quote in the Church. What’s interesting is the last part of that verse says, “So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife.”

Can I share some truth with you today? I think we’ve twisted this verse and in some cases gotten it completely wrong. Yes, God hates divorce. But God doesn’t hate divorced people. 

God hates what divorce does to people. God hates the pain divorce causes. God hates the wounds divorce leaves. God hates the baggage divorce creates. God hates the brokenness divorce brings to the human heart. God doesn’t hate people that are divorced.

This is why Trish and I want RefineUs to be a ministry that doesn’t just help people stay married; but inspires them to guard their heart. You can stay married and have an unfaithful heart.

This is a place of restoration. Why? Because God is a God of restoration. Even if your marriage can’t be restored, your heart can.

If I could sit and have a cup of coffee with this woman here are few things I’d share with her:

• Just because your marriage has ended doesn’t mean your story has ended.

Your story is still being written. God is still working. He is still moving. He is still planning. He can and will use, even the most difficult and hurtful times of your life to write His story. Your divorce can’t derail God’s providence.

• A failed marriage doesn’t mean you are a failure.

What causes us to be a failure is not allowing God to transform us after we fail. Repeating mistakes because we refuse to be broken or repentant makes us a failure. God redeems mistakes if we allow him to change us.

• The ground is level at the foot of the cross.

There is no doubt that the Bible says that God hates divorce. But you know what else the Bible says? In Proverbs 6:16-19 it says this:

Here are six things God hates, and one more that he loathes with a passion: eyes that are arrogant, a tongue that lies, hands that murder the innocent, a heart that hatches evil plots, feet that race down a wicked track, a mouth that lies under oath, a troublemaker in the family.