Identity In Crisis

I (Justin) turn 37 in 10 days. Wow…that is really old. Just typing t-h-i-r-t-y s-e-v-e-n makes me feel ancient. Birthdays have always been something that I have looked forward to; I love the attention and the birthday money. 🙂

This birthday isn’t just a reminder that I am one year older and one year closer to 4-0…it’s a painful reminder of a wound in my heart.

Just over a year ago, I found out that my dad…the man that I grew up with; coached my t-ball team; took me fishing; dropped me off at camp; worked overtime so he could buy me a car; had two jobs so I could go to college; was outside the door for my sons’ birth…Dad…wasn’t my dad.

My mom got pregnant with me very young; my biological father didn’t want me; my mom met my dad a few months later; I was born; they got married; I was adopted by my dad a few years later.

When all of this was shared with me last summer, it was like an out of body experience. On one hand, I couldn’t believe it…on the other hand it all made sense. My life, my brokenness, my weaknesses…all made sense.

I have struggled my entire life with identity. I spent most of my childhood hating who I was and wanting to be like someone else. It was one of the biggest issues that we walked through in counseling as we were restoring our marriage. No wonder I had an identity crisis…it all made sense.

Through the affair, our separation and restoration, I realized that I spent most of my life finding my identity in things other than Christ. Knowing who I am in Christ. This one thing sets the foundation for our relationships, our marriage, our temptations and struggles, our choices, how we parent. Every single aspect of our life finds its beginning in identity.

Over the past year, what I have tried to do is to identify how I can tell when I am struggling in this area. What are the signs that my identity is in crisis? Here are just a few that are true for me.

My identity is in crisis: 

• When my motivation for doing something is to prove something to someone or prove someone wrong
• When the words of others mean more to me than the development of my character
• When impressing others drives what I say, what I wear or how I act
• When criticism from people motivates me more than obedience to God
• When my integrity is trumped by the pursuit of my goals
• When I stretch the truth to make myself look better or someone else look bad
• When I’m insecure or jealous of someone else’s success, recognition or gifts

What about you? Do you struggle with identity? What would you add to the list?