Marital Poverty
Aug 28, 2022There is a path that every struggling marriage travels. All of us who are married travel it to some degree or another. It may look different for every couple, but the principles are the same. Most couples that we talk to don’t know how they got there, but the equation is clear.
Disconnection leads to apathy; apathy leads to marital poverty.
There are several ways that disconnection creeps into a marriage. Every couple at some point or another feels disconnected from their spouse. Every marriage goes through busy seasons and stressful times. Every relationship experiences conflict and differences of opinion. When these seasons come, disconnection is usually not far behind. Couples experience disconnection when truth is withheld; when resentment sets in; when lies are told.
Disconnection is that feeling of the other person not getting you; knowing you; being in tune with you. When you are disconnected, communication is hard. Sex is infrequent. Marriage is hard work. Discouragement and unmet expectations are the norm.
For the marriage that is struggling, they don’t do anything to correct their disconnect. They learn to live with it…accept it as their new reality. They get used to feeling distance in their marriage. When that happens…apathy sets in.
Apathy starts out as a belief that this is as good as my marriage is going to get. When you’ve lived for a while disconnected from your spouse, you begin to not care enough to change…you’ve resigned to the fact that it probably won’t change. So more of your dreams and desires and aspirations and feelings are withheld from your spouse…because those things don’t matter anyway.
It isn’t an intentional path…it is the one of least resistance.
When you live disconnected and apathetic long enough, what you experience over time is marital poverty. What was once a rich, vibrant relationship is now a poor, starving marriage. It isn’t that you planned to fall out of love with your wife; you didn’t plan to hook up with an old boyfriend on Facebook; you didn’t mean to start texting your co-worker; you didn’t intend to get divorced.
The path is clear…disconnection moves to apathy; apathy leads to marital poverty. When you need the marital equity to avoid temptation or fight for your marriage or forgive again or apologize for a mistake…your marriage is bankrupt.
Our marriage has been there. Disconnected…apathetic…bankrupt. It doesn’t have to be that way. If you find your marriage today on this path…take some time to reconnect. Go out to dinner. Say no to things. Take a walk in the park together. Choose to engage with your spouse and not retreat from them.
Make deposits in your relationship so you can fight against marital poverty.
