Marriage Help For Couples With Different Faiths

Most Christian couples experience peaks and valleys in their relationship with God. Many times these peaks and valleys aren’t experienced at the same time by each spouse.

In fact, most couples, at some point in their marriage, will be in different places in their relationship with God. We don’t all grow at the same pace. There are times that one spouse feels on fire for God while the other spouse may feel distant. While this is a difficult season to navigate, at least the foundation of the couples’ faith is the same.

What do you do when one spouse follows Christ and the other spouse doesn’t?

How do you improve your marriage when your husband doesn’t share your beliefs?

How can you have a marriage that honors God when your wife doesn’t have a relationship with God?

What do you do then?

For the record, I’ve never had this issue in my marriage. There have been times that Trish and I haven’t been growing at the same pace, but we’ve always had the same commitment to our relationship with God. These suggestions won’t fix your marriage or save your spouse. For many people this is a very volatile topic in their marriage. I have counseled several couples in this situation so wanted to offer a few suggestions to improve your marriage even if your spouse doesn’t share your belief system or faith.

1. Listen compassionately

Listening communicates value. When you choose to listen to your spouse; their opinion; their views; their feelings you communicate they are important and you care about them. We are quick in any marriage to share our opinion or beliefs, but when our spouse feels heard and understood, they feel valued. Jesus was a great question asker and listener.

2. Don’t force religion on them 

Christianity is about relationship, not religion. When one spouse focuses solely on their spouse’s church attendance or Bible reading or another spiritual discipline before their spouse has a relationship with Christ, it makes the wrong things most important. No one wants to forced or manipulated into a relationship.

3. Love them

For many couples, Christian or not, we put conditions on love. Because faith in Christ is so important, I’ve seen spouses put the condition of becoming a Christian on their marriage. “I’ll love you like you deserve to be loved when you become a Christian.” I know intentions are good in this scenario, as that spouse really wants their husband/wife to become a Christian. But conditions in any marriage will leave that marriage ordinary.

4. Pray with them

I’ve talked to several Christian husbands/wives that pray for their spouse, and it is important to pray for them.  But what about praying with them? When they are stressed…when they’ve had a bad day…when the future is uncertain…when finances are tight. Rather than making your spouse feel like a project that needs prayer help, pray with them. By praying with them you are inviting them into your relationship with God…not to fix them but to give them a front row seat to your relationship with God.

I know navigating a marriage with two different faiths isn’t this neat and clean. For many of you, this is a huge area of hurt and distance in your marriage. I am praying for you. My hope isn’t to minimize the journey that you are on. My prayer is that this list provides a new perspective that helps you love your spouse more deeply as you live out your faith.

Thoughts?