Not on the Same Page

Do you ever feel like you and your spouse are just missing each other? You just aren’t on the same page…financially; emotionally; as a parent; spiritually. We have been there…recently! There are times that Trisha and I are just not on the same page. As much as we work on our marriage; as much as we know what destroyed our marriage five years ago; as much as we counsel others on how to build their marriage; we just don’t get it right all the time.

Last week we were on our way to shoot a video for our Family Ministry department at Cross Point. Our 7-minute video assignment was to coach and encourage new parents to grow in their marriage. We argued all the way to the video shoot. Trisha thought she was right. I thought I was right. We were both passionate about letting the other know that they were wrong. We pulled up to the video shoot…put on our smiling faces, and spoke words to new parents we needed to apply to our own marriage in that moment.

We don’t have it all together. We aren’t always on the same page. We end up on opposite sides at times. That is reality.

How do you get back? How do you become a team again? How do you start going in the same direction as a couple?

Here are few things that we have learned…not months or years ago…but last week.

1.     Call it out.

There will be times that you will not feel on the same page as your spouse. You keep missing each other. You think one thing, they think another. You expect one behavior, they react in the opposite way. Don’t bury it…call it out. Trisha just said to me, “We are not on the same page, and I don’t want to be here.” That was the first step.

2.     Pray about it.

There are so many things that fight against your marriage every single day: schedule, stress, career expectations, kids, financial pressure. The list could go on and on. Prayer brings God back to the center of your relationship. It is hard to stay mad at someone you’re praying with and for. It is hard to keep your distance from your husband that is praying for you; or your wife that is praying for you. Prayer realigns our heart with God and in the process our spouse.

3.     Serve your spouse.

When I feel like Trisha and I aren’t on the same page, my first inclination is to act entitled. Serving defeats my sense of entitlement. When I serve I assume a posture of humility in my marriage that paves the way to intimacy.

There is no way you and your spouse will always be on the same page. But you don’t have to stay there.

This is our list…what would you add to the list?