Own It

On Saturday, our son had a basketball tournament most of the day. Trisha was able to go to the first game of the day, but I couldn’t make it. I showed up for his afternoon game and it was tense from the very beginning. I’ve been banned from “offering suggestions” from the sidelines. Trish put the shut down on that years ago.

It wasn’t difficult for Micah to know how I felt about how he was playing. I didn’t have to say a word…my face said it all. After the game, I told myself that I wasn’t going to say anything. That commitment lasted about five minutes.

I launched into the speech I had been writing since the first half. I shared with him all the different ways that he could improve and all the things he could have done differently. My words cut to his heart. He shut down. We walked to the car. I continued with my pep talk. Finally, Micah looked up at me and said, “You know, it doesn’t matter how good I play, you are always critical.”

In that moment, I realized just how much I had hurt him. My heart began to sink. But in my mind, my pride defended my actions. I began to justify the words I had said and the advice I had offered. I was trying to make him a better player. I was destroying him as a person, but I was making him a better player.

He and Trisha left and went to a graduation party and I left and went home. As I drove home, the pain of my words rushed into my heart. I began to text him an apology…he wasn’t returning my texts…so I texted Trisha to convey how sorry I was.

When I got home, I read this verse, as I prepared to speak at church the next day:

Matthew 5:23-24: “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, ²⁴ leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.

What a hypocrite I am.

How many times have I tried to offer my worship to God, when I knew I had hurt someone? How many times have I offered God half-hearted worship because I haven’t owned the pain I’ve caused someone else?

I’m thankful Micah showed me grace and forgave me. I’m thankful God does as well.

Am I the only one that has trouble owning it?