Reliving the Past vs Remembering the Past

Over the past few years I’ve taken some shots for talking about our past. I’ve had people email me or leave comments on our blog and tell me that I need to move on. The past is the past. Let it go. I’ve had people say that I am living in the past. Some think that I am glorifying the sins of my past. I’ve been told that its not healthy for me, for my marriage or my kids to continue to talk about the affair or the pornography or the destruction of our marriage.

I hear ya.

I remember reading an article last year (I wish I could find it and link to it) about cancer patients. The article talks about how people that have cancer go through a time of crisis. They realize how short their life could be…how this disease could take their life. They become desperate for God. They become more aware of the importance of their family. They realize what is most important. They realign their priorities. Their life changes, in many ways for the better, even though they have been rocked by this disease.

What was interesting is that many people who have had cancer, gone through chemo, and now live in remission, wish they could go back. Those in this article stated that they felt the closest to God when they were unsure about their chance for recovery. No one wished for cancer, but many wished for the way cancer caused them to change their life.

I don’t wish for separation from my wife. I don’t want to go back to the hurt and pain that I caused my family, my church and my friends. But I know the days, weeks and months that followed our separation were some of my sweetest moments with God. That season of my life was shaped by God in profound ways. I don’t want to relive the past, but I do want to remember it.

I want to remember two things every single day:

Remember my need for brokenness…

In book of Psalms, David (who wrote about his past all the time) writes “A broken and contrite heart, you will not deny.” I want a broken and contrite heart. That comes to me as I remember what it felt like to be separated. It comes as I remember the look on my kids face when I told them I wasn’t coming home; I wasn’t going to be a pastor anymore; I didn’t know if Trisha and I would stay married. Brokenness isn’t something you drift in to…it is something you have to choose. Being contrite isn’t something that is natural…it is something you submit to. I want to remember the past so I can live in with a broken and contrite heart in the present.

Remember my mistakes and not make them again…

If I don’t remember the mistakes that I made, I will make them again. If I don’t remember the consequences of my mistakes, I will make them again. If I don’t remember what my mistakes cost me…I will repeat them. It’s why I stayed in debt for so many  years…I didn’t remember the consequences of debt. So as I talk about my mistakes it isn’t to live in shame or guilt…it is to live in forgiveness and thanksgiving. As I remember my mistakes, it makes me even more grateful for grace and mercy and second chances.

Can I encourage you today? Don’t live in the past…but don’t forget it either.